Asante Samuel’s House is Stupid

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I think the last time I wrote about Asante Samuel, who seems like kind of a dick, was to point out that he seems like kind of a dick. But today, I’d like to talk about his Florida house, which recently went on sale. It’s absurd:

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Dat headboard tho.

The asking price? $12.9 million. Seven bedrooms, seven baths, 15,000 square-feet, and the always necessary maid/in-law quarters.

via 6 ABC, 5300Ascotter.com*

*That comes from the name of the street, Ascot Terrace. The street… is named after a rich man’s neck tie. “Ah yes, get off the Handkerchief Highway, make a right on Custom-Cuff Circle, a left on Fedora, and turn onto Ascot Terrace.” It’s like Wealthy Mario Kart.

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21 Responses

  1. Shouldn’t you have a mansion from all your Snow Ball sweatshirts???

    Or did you spoil the traffic bitch?
    Neighhhh. Neighhhh.

  2. He’s definitely going to be one of those athletes who goes broke after 2 years of retirement

  3. You know what would be a great name for a band? K@cie’s asymmetrical clitoris.

    Do you think the reason she squints so much is all the NCAA skeet?

    1. A buddy of mine banged her back when she was a nobody in college, said her clit was normal but that she queefed. So maybe work that angle for a band name instead.

  4. $12.9 million will buy a lot of hay. or whoarseshoes. or “dog toys.” or dildos. or dog dildos, if you’re into that sort of thing. I don’t judge.

    seriously, that traffic trollop’s overbite could shelter a family of four. has anyone checked in there for the kidnapped Nigerian girls?

  5. Affletes like Asante are what happens when a term that rhymes with Bigger Rich meets regular old rich.

    For a while, anyway.

  6. OH MAN, I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE MONDAY MORNING ROUNDUP… OH WAIT NO HE USED A DIFFERENT WORD LAST TIME IN ORDER TO ******* WE INTERRUPT MY COPY/PASTING TO BEG YOU TO BUY SOME DATED IRRELEVANT CRAPPY T-SHIRT ******

  7. I used to live down there. Honestly that whole area near his house is huge money (Weston) but is literally built on the border of the Everglades. So it’s like 120 degrees 100% humidity mosquitos/snakes/gators 24/7/365. I don’t know why someone with that kind of bread would pick that one spot to live.

  8. Kyle, just a few more t-shirts sold, and this place could be yours.

    I bet it even has a stable for FOX29 Traffic hag.

  9. Same old story – athlete gets millions of dollars builds an obscenely opulent mansion which in turn requires big bucks to maintain; goes broke and needs to sell house.

  10. Definitely a black person’s house. Only black people have leopard colored furniture.

  11. Ma man sante just doin him . Y’all’s is mad cuz you can’t afford dis right hur. Frm m-yunk. To da gladeZ.

    -Sean b, wait too obvious, I mean S Brace

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