Marcus Hayes May Be the Dumbest Sports Columnist in the History of Philadelphia


I say that without hyperbole. This is possibly the worst, most rambling, inane, completely illogical sports column I’ve ever read. Honest to God, Marcus Hayes should at the very least be suspended, and perhaps even fired, for writing it.

Hayes, who is not on board with the Sixers’ plan, has once again come out in full opposition of said plan… because… the Sixers… didn’t sign… a veteran… point guard.


Here’s why “The Plan” is “fraudulent,” according to Hayes:

The Plan, in essence, is the blueprint concocted by young analytics whiz Sam Hinkie, the Sixers’ second-year general manager who has staffed his front office with numbers men of his ilk. He figured to stockpile draft picks; acquire cheap, young talent with specific characteristics; and let the team develop organically.

The Plan has merit, and it has logic.

What it lacks is leadership.

Specifically, it lacks a veteran point guard. It is a criminal omission.

That was amplified the last three games, when two Developmental League players ran the team: Frazier, in his third NBA game and his second start; and JaKarr Sampson, a 6-8 small forward.

Last night, Frazier finished with seven assists . . . and seven turnovers, the most among an avalanche of 27 turnovers that cost the Sixers a chance at a huge upset against the Warriors. Sampson had three turnovers. That means a combined 10 giveaways at the point guard spot, manned by two D-Leaguers, against the league’s best team.

If I’m following that logic correctly, Hayes just argued that Hinkie’s plan – to tank for draft picks and develop young talent – which almost by definition requires the team to lose, something the improving Sixers have actually had trouble doing lately, is flawed because the team lacks a veteran point guard to spell young star and reigning NBA Rookie of the Year Michael Carter-Williams, even though the presence of said veteran point guard would be in almost direct conflict with the unstated goal of losing to acquire more young talent. Amazing.

Look, we can make fun of Hayes and his one-sentence paragraphs all we want. We can laugh at his silly, hacky and contrived illustrations. But he’s outdone himself here. I don’t know if it’s because he’s butthurt since Hinkie won’t talk to the media (but last night appeared on the Sixers broadcast), or if he’s just dumb, but his argument literally makes no sense. Could young players and MCW benefit from the presence of a veteran or two? Sure. Could a vet, impervious to Brett Brown’s guidance, on a money-grab at the end of his rope also serve as a bad example to hungry youngsters whom Hayes says – no joke – sometimes try “too hard”? Also sure. Whatever the case, calling the plan “fraudulent” over the absence of a veteran point guard is an absurd leap, especially when you consider the fact that three decades of such mediocrity-producing tactics have failed, or that the team across the street has shown what can happen when you waste money and playing time on warm-bodied veterans.

Here’s what Hinkie had to say about the plan on the broadcast last night:

“I think it’s so key to really be focused on the sober reality of what is it you’re trying to do, and our goals here are really high. Our goals are to build over time a championship caliber team that can compete year in and year out. And that doesn’t happen overnight. We’ve all lived it and it just doesn’t. So we were convinced from the very beginning that you had to take a really long-term view to really build something with lasting value.”

Juxtapose that with this from Hayes:

[The Sixers] take the floor with less direction than Christopher Columbus; he didn’t know where he was going, either, and he didn’t know where he was once he got there.

That isn’t a slight to Brown, charged with making soufflé out of fake eggs and powdered milk. Brown can scheme all he wants, but when the ship leaves the dock Brown cannot trim the sails.

And all that is before we get to what’s actually happening: The Sixers might be developing too quickly. A team that looked like it might not win more than a handful of games this season is 4-4 over its last eight and last night held the best team in the league to under 90 points in a contest unexpectedly deserving of that appellation. After an 0-17 start, the Sixers are an at least fathomable 12-24.

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Clearly, the young players – even those fringe NBA guys who weren’t even good enough to join a scrapheap – are starting to develop. Again, if there’s any problem with the plan, it’s that the development may, at the moment, actually be impeding the Sixers from getting one of those top draft picks they covet so much. And yet Hayes, who praised the young Sixers’ effort in multiple paragraphs, argues that what the team really needs to legitimize ownership’s plan… is Jameer Nelson. Mind-boggling.


33 Responses

  1. I saw this assclown at the game last night. He is getting closer and closer to Jabba the Hut size everytime I see him. He must eat harrible articles for breakfast.

  2. Hey remember when this knob said I took PED’s? Good times.

    He is an embarrassment to his employer and should be dismissed immediately.

    1. Say it with me,Ohio State combo guard D’Angelo Williams who many compare to Stephen Curry and Damian Lillard,will be the Sixers lottery pick.

      2015-2016 Sixers lineup:

      Pg – Michael Carter Williams
      Sg – D’Angelo Russell
      Sf – Robert Covington
      Pf – Joel Embiid
      C – Nerlens Noel

          1. Yo Bo! You gotta sell high on my boy MCW! He turns the ball over too much for a lottery pick and his 3 PT & FG shooting are both below average. Fleece a team for their first round pick in 2015. Draft Russell and Okafor.

  3. By the way, have you noticed that my cousin Marcus has also BLIMPED UP?

    He is approaching Smallwood on that front

    Marcus is certainly not tanking in the snack aisle!

  4. I’ve never liked Marcus. Always tries to be the “too smart” guy and stir up bullshit. I was there last night. Yes, the turnovers were maddening. But that’s gonna be the case with all these young guys. It was Tim Frazier’s THIRD career game, which just happened to be against Steph Curry. This team, if nothing else, is very exciting to watch. In 2 years, we WILL be in the playoffs. Maybe even sneak in next year.

    1. Yea tim, I saw you there. You were decked out in Golden State Gear you clown. You’re a very hateable man.

  5. Really bad column by Marcus Hayes.

    He rattled off a bunch of names in his column without bothering to ponder the fact that a veteran point guard-type may have little interest in accumulating scant minutes behind MCW all the while rotting away on a bench for a team many projected prior to the season to be historically bad.

    He also omits the fact that he goal is to lose games to attain as strong of a lottery position as possible. Bringing in band-aid veteran solutions in order to win 2-3 extra games is counter-intuitive.

  6. I have been going at it with Marcus Hayes via email all morning about his column. I have no problem with people disagreeing with Hinkie’s plan, because everyone has a right to their opinion. What annoys me about Marcus Hayes, Big Daddy, Dick Jerardi, etc, is they all say it wont work with 100% certainty?? I keep emailing them and asking that nothing is 100% certain in sports that this or that will happen! So stop playing Nostradamus like you can see in the future and let the plan play out. If it is 2017, and we are still a lottery team, then you can call out Hinkie’s plan. But the guy has been honest (unlike most sports team) and have said they were tanking for 2 years, and this was a total rebuild process.

    I still say much of this is that Hinkie won’t talk to the media and they are all pissed off like a bunch of highschool girls who didn’t get asked to the prom.

  7. One time I called Marcus a “jap” and he got all bent out of shape.

    Did you even know Marcus was part Jap? I didn’t. He’d me a good sumo wrestler now.

  8. Marcus Hayes is a legitimate no talent twat. His job is to be an outrageous, provocative contrarian so people will talk about him and draw page visits to

    Congrats on taking the bait, Kyle. Hook, line and sinker. You too are a twat. As is Jim for the record.

    If Hayes had even a milligram of talent, he’d have been plucked long ago (see: Stark, Pennett-oneill, zolecki et al). He’ll, even Phil Sheridan got a life preserver from and he’s not even fit to write children’s books.

    Hayes is a leftover, no talent dolt writing for a site and medium that nobody is interested. I see an article penned by this Fatso, I keep going. I know I won’t learn a thing. Congrats Kyle. Let’s legitimize Marcus and give Innes and Bruno something to talk about today on their show.

    Somewhere, Hayes is dunking his 3rd donut into a chocolate milkshake and smiling.

  9. I would say he’s the worst but creeper Cataldi also has a column full of dumb shit. It’s a close race though.

  10. PLEASE stop giving this guy any attention – good or bad. This guy is absolutely horrible and is the most arrogant, self-absorbed individual I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. In the future, stop putting his name in any article.

  11. I thought the same thing too, just figured it was Marcus being Marcus. Actually I think Marcus has gotten better as he has aged but still leaves a lot to be desired. Jeff McLane has taken the young Marcus Hayes mantle in my view.

    1. I have been watching Daily News Live (Now Philly Sports Talk) since its inception in 1997, and Marcus Hayes always comes off as the biggest jerk among their daily panelists. I remember one time Ray Didinger put him in his place because he was being his usual smug self in every answer he gave, and Didinger called him on it and he shut up real quick.

      Honestly, EVERYTIME the guy talks he tries to sound like he is some Ivy League Scholar that is smarter then the room, when he doesn’t realize he is just talking sports like any of us can do. I can imagine that most of the people at Comcast probably can’t stand him, and just tolerate his smugness.

      And I still remember the time he was on the Sixers panel talking about the team after the lockout ended in 2012, and Barkann asked him who they should amnesty? He answered, “What is amnesty?” He should have been gone from the show right there, cause it shows the guy doesn’t do his homework.

      1. “I have been watching Daily News Live (Now Philly Sports Talk) since its inception in 1997”

        Wow you must lead an exciting life.

        1. Coming from a person who just took time out of his or her life to post that comment on this website. The irony!

  12. Now listen, I don’t want anyone to come out of this thinking that my client is a moron. We know newspapers are dying so we are trying to plan for the future.

    There is real demand for sports guys who make outrageous statements and then wait for rubes like you to call in or tweet us and tell us we are idiots.

    So in the vein of great heroes like Skip Bayless and Stephen A Smith, we present our work to you. And you may call that being a hack or whatever, we call it survival mode. We plan to be around long after Les Bowen’s pension has shrunk to the size of Sammy Sosa’s balls.

    Our next piece will be about instituting racial quotas in season ticket distribution. Enjoy bitches, and don’t forget to spell my client’s name right in the hate mail.

  13. where the fuck is the editor when this idiot submits illogical crap like this pile of shit column….maybe his editor is obama’s press secretary.

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