More Renderings of the Proposed Redskins Stadium

More renderings of the Redskins’ proposed stadium popped up today, and indeed, it’s more ridiculous than you might have originally imagined. Let’s break them down:

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Here we find the new Redskins home at Red Rocks Moonbase Alpha. Is that a Coldplay concert? A Scientology meeting? The worst Instagram filter of all-time? Who knows! But the night is purple, baby, and we’re all going to enjoy the show.

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Fairly innocuous scene here. But what sort of lousy quarterback could miss an open receiver like that?

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Oh. This soft-lit locale also doubles as a planet in No Man’s Sky.

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Worst parking situation ever.

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Here’s an alternate scene cut from the title sequence of House of Cards. Show creators decided to go with that excellent two-beat bass bump as darkness finds Nationals Park over this aerial shot of House Snyder. Native American spirits haunt the shadowy riverway parking lots.

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OH YOU THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A BEACH? It’s a winter wonderland, too, fucktard! The surface-level freeze on the moat grants a $50 privilege to this tiny human man to play hockey roulette for precisely eight minutes before another paying group is ushered onto the “ice”… which, yep, just cracked wide open and swallowed up three small children, a sled, and some six-year-old Vine sensation claiming he’s “here with DeSean.” The Redskins will hold a brief moment of silence for the fallen before kickoff. Commemorative pins will be sold for profit.

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And here we have the Pee-Wee Giants, running in a pack as usual, playing a spontaneous game of flag football, with helmets, amongst the trees. America.

Renderings from Business Insider


7 Responses

  1. Yeah, but but but but but but and and and and and he don’t he don’t he don’t he don’t. Ahh f-f-f-fuck it. Heh heh heh heh.

    1. I hate myself for laughing at this.

      Also I thought the winter wonderland one was a photoshop job by some wise ass twitter user. Is that actually an official image from the Redskins? What is going on?

  2. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmee.

    Seriously, why is this such a topic for you, Kyle? Who gives a fuck about the Redskins stadium outside of Redskins fans?

    Are you that fucking lazy that you would actually stretch this useless, boring, lame irrelevant content for a 2nd day?? Wait, don’t answer that…

  3. Whatever happened to Windmill Jeff? This is basically a setup for him to make some ridiculous comment.

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