I think it’s time we face this difficult question as the Sixers begin their ascent to potential greatness.

Candidates:

Kevin Hart

Meek Mill

Will Smith

That rich guy with white hair

[Insert Eagle given courtside seats]

Jake Tapper

Lik Dicky

M Night

I think it’s gonna be M Night. He seems to be jockeying for the position and gets it sort of by default. Meek Mill can be on house arrest at any given time and has been scuffling ever since Nicki left. Will Smith is a part owner, which I think disqualifies him, but he’s also a geek with weird kids. Old white guy (not famous), random Eagle (varies), and Jake Tapper (media) are also disqualified. Lil Dicky is endearing but probably a bit too indie still. Kevin Hart is the strongest competition, by far, and he loves the spotlight, but he lives in LA and is only here because he’s filming M Night’s movie. That leaves us with M Night. I don’t hate it. I don’t have the visceral negative reaction toward him the way some do. His movies are mostly fine, and they are at least typically enjoyable (except The Happening). He’s got sort of that unique celeb look and yet seems perfectly approachable. He reps the area well. He will absolutely film an in-game scene at some point for a movie where we find out that the fans have been second round pick swaps all along. And he brings Walter White to games:

Side note: By all accounts, Bryan Cranston is a really good guy who never turns down a picture request. But he fancies himself more of a comedic actor than a serious one. Do we think he’ll ever tire of just being “Walter White” and having people come up to him and ask him to say “JESSIE!” for the rest of his life? He’s like every Seinfeld actor besides Julia Louis-Dreyfus in that it’s almost impossible for him to play another role without Bryan Cranston from Breaking Bad tries his hand at ____ headlines. I mean, this is a very first-world problem. But I kind of feel bad for him. Now, do Heisenberg!