This has been a longtime coming– the return of the CB Six Pack! For those of you who are unaware, this a weekly segment where we put head-to-head two completely useless things and concoct debates that don’t even exist. Onward we go.
Michael Rubin vs. John Middleton
Joel Embiid is in the Bahamas with Michael Rubin and he’s scared of water slides— videos from Michael Rubin. pic.twitter.com/HobirwLqy0
— Kyle Scott (@CrossingBroad) May 19, 2018
Michael Rubin has established himself as the godfather and OG of the Sixers courtside celeb game. He somehow held down the throne – which he partially owns, which is important – while Meek Mill was in prison. He then sprung Meek from jail and airlifted him to a series-clinching playoff game. Bobby Axelrod wishes he had these balls. Now Rubin is on a vacation in the Bahamas, IG-ing pictures of Embiid at a waterpark. It’s like if someone asked you what you would do with BILLIONS and your response was: free my favorite singers from prison and then vacation with the superstar athletes I employ. Meanwhile, John Middleton jets around in a Phillies-branded plane to deliver his prized free agent signings to Florida and speaks in member-wagging platitudes about getting his “fucking trophy back” as the team is playing ahead of schedule and suddenly appears to maybe be a contender and player in the summer trade deadline jam factory. I am here for the new face of Philly sports ownership – which just happens to include Jeffrey Lurie hosting a Lombardi Trophy (bizarro world!) – in the absence of Ed Snider and his balls-forward ways. But I have to give it to Rubin– he’s the most interesting, fascinating even. HE IS FROLICKING IN LAZY RIVERS WITH JOEL EMBIID. That’s hard to beat.
Yanny vs. Laurel
F YOU! I don’t care. It’s a hearing pitch thing and it’s really not worth your time. HOWEVER, this video has me all jammed up like the aftermath of some banana pudding:
guys….play this clip with the audio on.
If you think of the word "Brainstorm" you will hear Brainstorm.
If you think of the words "Green Needle" you will hear Green Needle.
We are officially in the matrix and I have no idea what is going on pic.twitter.com/PAwWlTn0GN
— Hungrybox ➡️ GOML 2018 (@LiquidHbox) May 17, 2018
The crazy thing, unlike other social media minder benders (SMMB), is that you can seamless switch from hearing one to the other simply by listening for each. It’s wild, like we’re all part of an experiment for unwitting viewer involvement in Stranger Things season three.
People who love fun vs. people who hate fun
#Patriots coach Bill Belichick was asked by reporters about the absence of QB Tom Brady: “I’m not going to talk about the guys that are not here.”
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) May 22, 2018
The Patriots would, by all accounts, appear to have been murdered in a pool of cold, hard blood of Christ thanks to Messrs. Foles, Pederson, Ertz and the other religious torch-bearers on the Eagles. Pointing this fact out on a needlessly frequent basis every time a nugget of bad news about the Patriots drops is refreshing in the way a steam bath surrounded by massaging animatronic Sheilas in the Australian Outback may well be refreshing (never tried it). It is with that backdrop that I present to you someone who hates fun:
#Patriots QB Tom Brady will not be present today for OTAs, source said. The wait continues.
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) May 21, 2018
Dude I wish people would stop this dumb take. The reports of probs w Brady/kraft/belechek came out in that article before playoffs… has zero to do w eagles
— Brian Fioretti (@Instigatorz889) May 21, 2018
Can we all, just for a moment, stop being annoying Nancys and enjoy the fact that the Eagles spiked the Patriots into irrelevancy and strife? It feels better this way.
New Jersey vs Delaware
INTERESTING WRINKLE in the impending legalization of sports gambling– Delaware seems to have beaten New Jersey at their own game – puns intended – and may well be first to implement legalized sports gambling. It’s a matter of semantics and pride, for which the odds are -120 Delaware at the moment, and little else, but it did get me thinking that with Pennsylvania and their garish proposed 34% tax rate to follow, Philly may well be ground zero for sports betting, with a substantial percentage of its fans based in one of the first three states to legalize sports gambling following the Supreme Court’s reversal of a 1992 law. Not only is this a major shift in how sports will be consumed, but we’re looking at a large influx of cash into the region from gambling companies eager to be first-movers in the space and get players locked in on their platform. No one is talking about how Philly may be the launch market for, without hyperbole, THE COMPLETE REINVENTION OF SPORTS AS WE KNOW IT.
Elijah Craig Barrell Proof Batch A vs. Elijah Craig Barrell Proof Batch C
I’ve been waiting to write about this, and now seems like a good time. Elijah Craig’s 2017 Barrell Proof was voted the 2017 Whiskey of the Year by several outlets. At a roughly $60 suggested price point, remaining stock flew off the shelves late last year once it received so many awards. It was offered in three batches: A, B and C– January, May and September. I was lucky enough to find two (A and C) and an undisclosed location in South Jersey, and rode with C as the bourbon of choice for all three Eagles playoff games. I’ve since moved on to A and, now, a batch of 2018 A I found on a shelf which is now long gone. C was the winner, not just because it throated me to a Super Bowl, but also because it was slightly deeper, stronger and more complex. A is good, don’t get me wrong, but C was absolutely fantastic and damn-near perfect. I suspect you might not have an opinon on this, but just vote to keep up with this trope.
LeBron James vs. Kawhi Leonard and Paul George
This is a recurring topic on the podcast with Russ, who I think hates LeBron James but has since realized he needs to soften his stance at risk of sounding like an idiot. For me, this is the only question up for debate– LeBron or a combination of Kawhi and Paul George. In any scenario where it’s just one guy, the answer is so unavoidably clearly LeBron that I view anyone who disagrees with great contempt. LeBron, as it turns out, could wind up beating the Celtics by himself. I’m not sure what else he can possibly do to further prove himself as the GOAT, but just know that signing him means the Sixers winning two NBA championships.