Celtics Fanboy Bill Simmons Disses the Sixers and Markelle Fultz

Boston Celtics apologist Bill Simmons made an appearance this week on ESPN’s “Jalen & Jacoby” and made two things clear: he doesn’t believe the Sixers are a threat in the East and Markelle Fultz didn’t have as good of an offseason as Jayson Tatum.

In a three minute clip, Bill drops some profanity on a live show – THE CHILDREN, BILL, THE CHILDREN – lists the Toronto Raptors as the biggest threat in the East, entertains the possibility that Giannis Antetokounmpo could present a tough challenge, and outright dismisses the Sixers unless they prove they can stay healthy:

Transcription after the jump:

On the Sixers

Jalen Rose: I have to address the elephant in the room in the Eastern Conference: Philadelphia. They didn’t get mentioned.

Bill Simmons: Yeah.

Jalen: Joel Embiid…

Bill: They didn’t get mentioned.

Jalen: Ben Simmons…

Bill: They did not get mentioned.

Jalen: Markelle Fultz, #1 overall pick. They went to the conference finals. They did lose to your Celtics. Did you lose a little respect for them because they lost?

Bill: Philly, I just wanna see if both guys are healthy. How many games do they need, like, 150 from those two guys? Embiid’s played I think 3,000 minutes total in his career?

On Fultz:

Bill: The Fultz thing, I just wish the buzz was better on his maturity. He just seems like one of those guys who’s eating cinnamon buns on the bench before the game.

David Jacoby: Joel Embiid ordered up pitchers of Shirley Temples to his room.

Bill: But Joel Embiid puts in the work. Fultz, I don’t know, he just seems like a little kid. I just don’t see the maturity. You look at Tatum’s summer, not to compare the two, because they were traded for each other. Did you follow Tatum’s summer? Because that was work. I was like, “Oh ****.” Tatum the whole summer… he’s playing basketball here, he’s with Kobe Bryant there, he’s with Durant, he’s at his basketball camp. I was really worried. I was like, “Oh he’s gonna be at the premiere for this. Oh he’s gonna be shooting a shoe commercial today.” And it really hasn’t been that way. It’s been basketball, basketball, basketball.

Here’s the thing Simmons left out: FULTZ HAS BEEN TRAINING ALL SUMMER WITH DREW HANLEN WHO ALSO TRAINS JAYSON TATUM AND JOEL EMBIID:

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We’re from the Lou & we’re proud! #PureSweatOGs

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Look, I don’t expect Simmons to bend over backwards to give Fultz props, but for the love of Bill Russell, at least acknowledge the grind.

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17 Comments

  • Harry mayes October 3, 2018 at 5:49 pm

    I will be tweeting a pic of my rock hard 9 incher tonight!

    Reply
    • Kyle’s mom October 3, 2018 at 7:12 pm

      Thanks, Harry. I’ll be jerking off to it.

      Reply
      • Spuds October 3, 2018 at 7:37 pm

        You show me a rock hard 9 inch rod… and I’ll beat the fuck outa my dick tonight.

        Reply
  • Chuck October 3, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    Reprise his predictions from last year. If I’m not mistaken Bill was all over Lonzo and against Ben for rookie of the year. I like him but he is not as cleveer as he thinks as we saw when he got cut by ESPN.

    Reply
  • joylessonbroad October 3, 2018 at 7:24 pm

    When no one listens to your show, transcribe someone else’s for a few cheap clicks.

    Reply
  • Claig October 3, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    Kenny Powers, step in to my office… let’s do some blow.

    Reply
  • Dwayne October 3, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    I heard Kyle just dropped 13k on a 2016 Ford Flex. Nice.

    Reply
    • serious question October 3, 2018 at 8:42 pm

      did he get any trade value on the A-4?..maybe he would have done a little if he went to see Jillian R for a Subaru

      Reply
      • Testing the filter October 4, 2018 at 2:26 am

        Sources say that Brad the Tinder stud ran a train on Jillian with D-Sweed from Wayne’s boro.

        Reply
  • Wade Garrett October 3, 2018 at 8:31 pm

    Well, I sure ain’t gonna show you my dick.

    Reply
  • comment awaiting approval October 3, 2018 at 8:54 pm

    i never cared for Bill Simmons, but he isn’t wrong, especially in regards to the Sixers being a threat. I’m as big a Sixers fan as anyone, but they lost to a shorthanded Celtics team in 5 games. Yeah Simmons and Embiid are another year older/experienced, but they will play Simmons just like they did in the playoffs. It’s nice to see Fultz return, but the kid is essentially a rookie because he barely played last season and has a lot of maturing to do. Sixers defenders couldn’t stay in front of Terry Rozier and Marcus Smart so how will they fare with Kyrie? Losing Derozan and adding Kawhi makes the Raptors improved. Sixers still have much to prove.

    Reply
    • Lan Griffoni October 4, 2018 at 8:31 am

      i always cared for Bill Simmons, but he is wrong, especially not in regards to the Sixers being a threat. I’m as big a weiner fan as anyone, but they lost to a really good Celtics team in 5 games. Yeah Simmons and Embiid are another year older/experienced, but they won’t play Simmons just like they did in the playoffs. It stinks to see Fultz return, but the kid is a stud because he played last season and has matured alot. Sixers defenders stayed in front of Terry Rozier and Marcus Smart so they will fare well with Kyrie. Losing Derozan and adding Kawhi makes the Raptors worse. Sixers will win it all.

      Reply
      • Hardcore 2 1/2 for 4 October 4, 2018 at 10:19 am

        Eat an AIDS dick, Griffoni.

        Reply
  • So Taguchi - Phillies Legend October 4, 2018 at 9:10 am

    I like Bill Simmons, have for years. But he’s an unabashed Boston homer, so this is not surprising. Its worth noting, Bill picks over/under win totals before each season for each NBA team and his biggest miss last year was calling for a Sixers under last year (40-ish wins I think)….he doesn’t have a spotless record on reading this Sixers team.

    Reply
    • Tran Griffoni October 4, 2018 at 10:39 am

      I like Bill Cosby, have for years. But he’s an unabashed homer, so this is surprising. Its worth noting, Bill picks his nose each season and his biggest miss last year was calling for a Sixers under last year – he has a spotless record on reading this Sixers team.

      Reply
  • Hextall’s Glasses October 4, 2018 at 9:33 am

    Remember when Bill Simmons tried to do a show on HBO and it failed immediately? I ‘member.

    Reply
  • BigShot October 4, 2018 at 12:37 pm

    FUCK FULTZ FUCK EMBIID FUCK THE FUCKING PROCESS

    Reply
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