Barcelona had a bad season. Didn’t win anything domestically and got clobbered in the Champions League by Bayern Munich.

Reports out of Europe suggest that Lionel Messi is ready to leave Barca after sixteen seasons, and there’s only one destination that makes sense –

Chester.

It’s time to bring Messi home, so he can play in front of a real hard-working, blue-collar, lunch-pail carrying fan base. This is a soccer community that wants winners, like Mike Singletary, and they will show unparalleled support for a guy like Lionel.

Look at this brilliant piece of work from the Philadelphia Union Memes Twitter account:

It’s beautiful. It brings a tear to my eye. I would immediately fall over dead from a heart attack if this ever happened.

On a semi-serious note, here are some of the reasons why Messi should consider Philadelphia:

  1. It’s a change of scenery. New country, new continent.
  2. Beautiful stadium on the waterfront.
  3. Jim Curtin is a “players coach” and will allow Messi the freedom he needs on the pitch.
  4. There are a handful of Spanish speakers on the team, so the transition will be seamless.
  5. He can go to Wawa or walk down the street without being harassed, which he is unable to do in Spain. We typically leave our athletes alone and give them their privacy.
  6. Delaware County is a great place to raise a family.
  7. Less pressure overall to perform. He won’t have 400 microphones shoved in his face here.
  8. Kevin Durant is a Union minority owner. There’s a star connection.
  9. You could offer Messi the David Beckham deal, where he gets a discount on a future expansion team or maybe an ownership stake in the Union.
  10. Free tickets to Eagles games.

 

It’s a slam dunk. Let’s #DoTheDeal, and put forth a citywide effort to lure the greatest soccer player of all time to the greatest sports city of all time.

Note:

(This post, unfortunately, is mostly shit. Messi probably ain’t coming to MLS, and if he did, he’d take more money to go play in LA or New York or Miami. Philly could never afford him, because ownership is cheap and doesn’t have a lot of ambition, but we can always dream.)