The Olympics are done. Now everyone can focus on the real Olympiad: The Crossing Broad Phield Day Games. Who’s going to win gold? Who’s going to impress special guest, Phillies catcher Garrett Stubbs, at Garage in South Philly on September 12th, at 5 p.m.?

The five games we’re doing are three-legged race, javelin (NERF football toss), balloon stomp, skee-ball at Garage, and finishing the day off with a beer mile around the cheesesteak capital of Philadelphia. Thanks to the good people over at Miller Lite for providing the beer. Which Philly content creator will win the $500 prize and the title of least un-athletic person in Philadelphia? The people are wondering.

Let’s get to the odds, provided by Crossing Broad Sportsbook:

Devan Kaney +500

Look at this athleticism from DK:

Impressive.


But look at this chugging ability:

We might have a dark horse amongst us folks, or we might have the horse who who leads the Derby for most of the race, only to falter at the finish. The beer mile is going to be the last event for a reason. It’s to see who has that extra gear in the tank.

Kinker +1000

He’s going to hate those odds. I just know I’m going to hear about them in my performance review. But listen, you got to take everything into consideration. He’s fresh off an ankle surgery and this is one of the first athletic things he’s done since he got off the couch. Everyone knows it’s harder to come back from injuries the older you get. Mix that in with the fact he’s got a couple kids and you have to wonder what Kinker you’re getting. Dad strength or dad bod. Is this Kinker still in there somewhere?

We’ll find out on September 12th.

Kyle +350

I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I’m coming for the $500 prize. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from the Spelling Bee. Fucking “Desjardins” –

 

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If you want a horse that’s motivated, you go to the counter and you let them know you want the one that runs like Forrest Gump… before the braces came off.

NoShorts +200

This is the favorite. There’s no doubt this is the horse to beat. Pros…

He’s young:

@noshortsusa

Theres alot more i could talk about so ask questions! #philly

♬ Hip-hop instrumental.(1288673) – Eto

Athletic:

@noshortsusa

Chest Day with D’Andre Swift’s Dad, Darren #philly #eagles

♬ original sound – No Shorts

Not afraid of anything:

@noshortsusa

would never do again. (thanks to @Seany Sean Sean for coming with me) #philly

♬ original sound – No Shorts

Cons: He could die doing one of his challenges in an attempt to collab with Jason Kelce:

@noshortsusa

Thx to all my followers that came out to support me, yall have no idea how much that helped❤️ #philly #rocky

♬ original sound – No Shorts

Lil Snuff +750

There’s no one that’s going to bet on himself more than Lil Snuff:

Snuff definitely got cheated out of a shot by Skinny Joey Merlino there. So if you’re putting money on Snuff just hope Joey doesn’t have money on another horse because there is no shot he’s winning. We’ll see if we can get Joey to show up and break his balls. If he does maybe the papers and sports talk will be freaking out that another Philly athlete is hanging with a former mob boss like Eric Lindros.

Frnacis +750

Another guy that needs some redemption from the spelling bee:

This competition is more his speed.

Sure he was cut from the Judge basketball team the first three times he tried out, but it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. But he’s a wild card. You gotta know what you’re betting on in this situation. He’s like Villanova in the tournament under Jay Wright. Will they going to catch fire from behind the arc all the way to the Final Four or go cold and lose to #9 seed in the second round? There’s a good chance he refuses to participate in the beer mile and just drinks 10 Miller Lites before the first competitor finishes. There’s also a chance he doesn’t even show up. If you follow him on IG you know he’s probably on a Secret Service watch list. They might pick him up before the election for all I know and then we’re down a guy.

Matt Peoples +1000

No one knows about this guy, which makes him more dangerous I think? Only problem is he is asthmatic:

 

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Sure he’s built like a box fan, but he drinks seven energy drinks a day. His heart might be the size of Secretariat’s and pumping harder than any competitor in this competition. Still 10/1 odds is what it’s going to be until he proves himself.

Come out on September 12th and hang with us and Garrett Stubbs. Lets have a billion Miller Lites responsibly as the Phillies have hopefully locked up the division by then.