Schwarbs went nuclear in Canada on Tuesday night. This stat line looks like it was generated by a create-a-player with the sliders all the way up in The Show:

It’s now the second time he’s hit three home runs in a game this season.

This game was HUGE after the Brewers lost to the Cardinals. Phils need to squeeze out every win they can since the Brewers play teams below .500 in 10 of their next 23 games. The team clawed back multiple times, but were never able to get it within more than two until Schwarbs smoked one with the exit velocity of a million:

Fuck it lets see all three again at the same damn time:

You want to know how even more historic this night was? This is the first time the Phillies have won a game Taijuan Walker has appeared in since May 22nd. What a win.


Thank god the calendar flipped to September. If it was August still these guys would’ve packed it in, lost 10-1, and Garrett Stubbs would be closing us out on the mound. Something about the Phillies that after Labor Day they start to kick it into gear and actually try. I love that Schwarbs attributed a three run home run night to playing golf and a fantasy football draft:

I’ve never come home and hit three home runs after those activities. All I ever get is a hangover and sunburn.