Eagles

Why Does J.J. Watt’s Knee Look Like That?

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Apr 1st, 2022 · 4:33 PM EDT

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Wtf is this:

https://twitter.com/KyleWooderboys/status/1509977242356617216?s=20&t=QxiFFH2cRaMPB7MJpdpmZQ

If I’m J.J. Watt, nobody is ever catching a glimpse of my knee. It looks like two Pontiac Grand Prixs repeatedly smashing into each other head on. You know those stories about the twin eating the other twin in the womb. It looks like Watt had a twin knee and it ate the other one. If I had J.J. Watt’s left knee I’d never wear shorts ever. Don’t care that my ass is going to feel like I rode Splash Mountain a hundred times. It’s Arizona. It’s a dry heat.

I’ve already had to have that talk with myself. In the summertime, I wear shorts very rarely when I go out because I hate my legs. They are built like a newborn fawn’s. Specifically my calves. Look at these things. Do you even calf raise, Bro?

(Kinkead: I should have put a graphic warning on this photo)

Before you ask, yes for some reason my leg hair stops at the end of my calf. If I knew why I’d tell you.

You’re not catching the Slenderman out in the bar with some no shows and low tops. I understand my limitations. I look better with pants on. No shame in the game.

P.S. Good to see Mike Trout still dresses like the 30 year old who still comes over the bridge to go to Xfinity Live every weekend. Don’t worry, he’s cool with the DJ so he saves on cover.

P.P.S. People forget Bob Wankel struck out Mike Trout looking in high school.