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Gabe Kapler Wants You to Know that if You Walk Faster, You Will Get There Faster
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
Gabe Kapler is becoming a must follow on TikTok. I can’t believe he is giving this advice away for free. Is this a former National League Manager of the Year or Tony Robbins with a coconut oil masturbation tip?
@gabekapler Your vision
His latest advice came with a little life hack attached:
Wise words from Gabe Kapler pic.twitter.com/BrX5IVL2Fo
— Talkin’ Baseball (@TalkinBaseball_) January 22, 2024
Walk faster. Get there faster. Spot the lie.
The funny thing is I’ve been using this same exact thought process for years. The walking times on Google Maps cater to fat people. The majority of the US population is fat and slow, so why wouldn’t they factor an extra minute in to catch your breath after getting off the couch? Not everyone is in peak physical shape like Kap and I, with giant strides like a gazelle. If something is a 10 minute walk I can get there in 5-7 minutes. I move like the wind baby! Watch:
— CB Burner (@CBroadBurner) January 22, 2024
Did you miss it? Need me to slow it down?
— CB Burner (@CBroadBurner) January 22, 2024
Is that The Flash?
Do you know how much money I’ve saved on Ubers in my lifetime because my superpowers? Hundreds. Anything within 15-20 minutes and we’re walking. Do my friends all hate me? Absolutely. But that’s evolution. I’m probably a descendant of some of the fastest cavemen this world has ever seen.
Gabe has deleted the TikTok. Probably because the world wasn’t ready for this kind of powerful advice. God dammit the Alpha Marlins are gonna be a problem this year.
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com