Ad Disclosure
It Really is Disappointing that New York City Elected an Arsenal Fan
Published:
In a three-way battle between a Muslim socialist, a disgraced former governor, and a guy who had zero chance to begin with, New Yorkers elected as mayor an Arsenal fan:
Arsenal is one of the most annoying teams on the planet.
For starters, they have legions of fans around the world who have never set foot in the UK, which is a violation. If you believe that Cowboys fans from New Jersey is a violation, then Arsenal fans from Philadelphia is also a violation. These are the types of people who get excited for NBC’s Premier League poser fest. These goobers will get together at 7 a.m. on a Saturday to watch “the Gunners” but wouldn’t be caught dead supporting the first-place MLS team that actually plays here, and plays local kids. Eurosnobs, the lot of ’em. Nothing but numpties and wankers.
The other thing is that Arsenal is like James Franklin’s Penn State. They’re in that very small and very rare group of teams that find a way to piss you off even when you aren’t a fan. Why? Because they get so close every time and then find a way to bottle it, which leads to unpleasant outcomes, like Ohio State and Michigan consistently taking the B1G crown or Manchester City Oil Club winning the Premier League seven times in ten years. Arsenal has won the FA Cup and Community Shield a bunch in recent years, but it’s been two full decades since the Invincibles won the Prem with 26 wins, 12 draws and 0 losses. What a fucking team! Thierry Henry, Robert Pires, Sol Campbell, Gilberto Silva, Patrick Vieira, etc. God they were so good. And they’ve been a huge disappointment ever since, despite having a huge wage bill. Kind of like the New York Mets.
Likewise, Arsenal hasn’t been to the Champions League final since 2006 and they always find a way to come up short in that tournament, too. Now they’ve got a six-point lead in the EPL through 10 games, and this looks like a relative down year for City and Liverpool, so if they don’t win it now, it’s never gonna happen.
Finally, Arsenal Fan TV is the 94 WIP of London. It’s like a postgame man on the street session in which a bunch of idiots yell nonsense into a microphone. It’s the Premier League equivalent of “the Eagles should trade A.J. Brown,” only done exclusively in British accents. It’s performative outrage for knobs.
Anyway, good luck to Mr. Mamdani in New York.
disclaimer: This is not a political post. If some white Republican in Texas won governor and Arsenal was his team, we’d rip him, too.
Kevin has been writing about Philadelphia sports since 2009. He spent seven years in the CBS 3 sports department and started with the Union during the team's 2010 inaugural season. He went to the academic powerhouses of Boyertown High School and West Virginia University. email - k.kinkead@sportradar.com