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Possibly-Senile Skip Bayless Says Joel Embiid Could’ve Played Against Magic Despite Having Appendectomy a Week Ago
By Matt Schultz
Published:
Days like today really gotta make you appreciate that pretty much anyone can get on a podcast at any time and say any wild-ass thing that comes to mind. Going into the Sixers Play-In matchup Wednesday night (good guys won, on to Boston), Skip Bayless hopped on Gilbert Arenas’ podcast to declare that, according to a source (a very real, actual source that does exist and is indeed a person), Joel Embiid was cleared to play but chose not to – despite having an appendectomy just seven days ago:
“I have a pretty good source in Philadelphia who told me that Embiid is actually cleared to play, but has chosen not to play. That’s what I was told. It’s appendicitis, but it’s fine. It went well. These days, they can… just… go in quickly, and (do the procedure) pretty simply. He could play if he chose to. Now that’s like turmoil, locker room kind of turmoil. ‘Wait a second, big guy. Can you play?’”
This is what it’s all about. I love this. A 74-year-old man wearing a hat made for 19 year olds, pale jeans that are quite tight, and a sweat-wicking Nike longsleeve, rambling utter nonsense into a microphone. Skip may be losing his mind. It’s awesome.
I particularly love how he described appendectomies. “Ah… Yeah, well, y’know, they went in there, and ah… It’s easy. Nowadays? They do that sorta thing all the time… They just… put on like this… slot… or… zipper… And, I mean, think about this way: I had an appendectomy. Twice. This week. So… And look at me, here. I’m back to normal. I’m mobile. I went to Lids this morning and bought this hat. No problemo…” (paraphrasing)
Truly wish this clip went longer. I’d like to hear more about how Skip thinks surgery works. I also really like the part at the end of the video where Nick Young goes, “I didn’t know that, that’s…” and just kind of peters out. So good.
Anyway, if we try taking this claim seriously, I think it goes without saying that Skip is incredibly wrong here. Joel just had surgery seven days ago. His job is to slam into a bunch of other very strong professional athletes for about an hour a night. Gotta imagine he’s got some sort of wound that requires healing. Bandages. Soreness. Limited mobility. Etc. I may not know as much about modern medicine as Skip, but I think this response tweet summed it up nicely:
Although Skip is obviously wrong here, let me be clear: I really hope that doesn’t stop him from announcing medical opinions into a microphone while dressed like a sixth grader. We need more! I’d throw in five bucks a month for a Patreon of this!
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)