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I Regret to Inform You That the New Commanders Uniforms are Very Good
By Matt Schultz
Published:
This isn’t something I ever thought I’d have to write. Since the Washington football team dropped their old name back in 2020 and unveiled their new name, logo, and uniforms in 2022, I guess I’d assumed that the franchise was utterly lost, forever, doomed to live out the rest of its days with some the corniest, lame-ass merch in sports. I mean, look how bad this was:
The whole thing was a mess. The name “Commanders?” Bad. Sounds like a made-up team in a kids’ movie where they couldn’t get the rights to use a real NFL team. The logo? Bad. Looks like a made-up logo in a kids’ movie where they couldn’t get the rights to use a real NFL logo. The uniforms? Bad. Looks like made-up uniforms in a kids’ movie where they couldn’t get the rights to use real NFL jerseys. And truthfully, I enjoyed that their uniforms were terrible! Whenever I thought about it, I’d smile, and contentedly nod, and tell myself that this was the punishment they deserved by nature of being D.C. fans instead of Birds fans. We were far superior, and that felt pretty good.
But to my shock and dismay, things have changed. The Washington team just unveiled new uniforms, and — as upsetting as it is to admit — they look cool:
Credit where it’s due, they did a good job. Looks like they’re doing a throwback thing by bringing back elements of the Super Bowl-era uniforms from when they were relevant thirty years ago. Good for them! Although, I will say, it’s not all great: I’m not a fan of this spear they added to the logo-
The internet seems be real into this spear. They are wrong. It is corny. Washington should’ve just reworked the whole thing, started from scratch. The spear could’ve been cool, I guess, but on top of the bad, blocky-looking ‘W,’ the spear feels like a Band-Aid on a concussion. It’s not fixing the problem.
And now here I am, smiling again, thinking about this. Even on a good day for the Commanders, it’s still not all that good.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)