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Feels Pretty Great Thinking About Knicks Players Being Turned Away From a Met Gala Party by Sabrina Carpenter and Madonna
By Matt Schultz
Published:
The Sixers got trounced in Game 1 of their second-round series against the Knicks, and Joel Embiid isn’t suiting up for Game 2 due to injuries involving his ankle and hip. Things do not look good. Things, in fact, seem quite bad. Which is why right now, it’s more important than ever to focus on a silver lining: the thought of some Knicks players humiliatingly being denied entry into a Met Gala party:
Some New York Knicks’ players went from courtside glory to curbside rejection … getting turned away from one of the hottest Met Gala after-after parties in NYC … TMZ has learned. Multiple sources tell TMZ … several Knicks stars tried to hit up Madonna and Sabrina Carpenter’s ultra-exclusive bash at Zero Bond late Monday night — just hours after their Game 1 playoff win — but couldn’t get past the door. Inside, though, it was a full-on A-list scene. Katy Perry, Margot Robbie, Hailey Bieber and Kendall Jenner all made it in, along with Serena Williams, Baz Luhrmann, Adrien Brody, Georgina Chapman, plus Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez.
This is what it’s all about. I’m truly so glad this happened. The reports don’t name names, which is why I’m choosing to believe it was the whole damn team that got embarrassed. I can see the entire evening unfolding vividly in my mind — and it’s a real nice thing to think about:
The Knicks are back in the locker room after doing press, packing up, chatting, in high spirits after winning Game 1.
While scrolling on his phone, Jalen Brunson announces there’s a huge Met Gala after-party happening downtown packed with celebrities, and the team absolutely has to go.
Mikal Bridges asks where he heard that. Brunson says he just saw it on Adam Levine’s Instagram story. Josh Hart excitedly chimes in that he saw that on Adam Levine’s story, too. Nobody acknowledges him.
Karl-Anthony Towns asks if they’d even be able to get into such a prestigious, elite party. Jalen Brunson playfully gives KAT a noogie and assures him that of course they can. They’re the New York Knicks. 1973 NBA Champions! It’s not a real New York City party unless they’re there.
KAT nods, considering this, and does the TikTok “clock it” fingers gesture.
Brunson then tells the team to go home, put on their sickest outfits, douse themselves in their “rainy day cologne,” and meet him at the club in an hour for the best night of their lives.
Josh Hart mentions he might be late because he has to let the dog out first. Nobody responds.
An hour later, the entire Knicks roster is waiting outside the club, each wearing near-identical white denim jackets and smelling like a million bucks – except Brunson, who’s just now walking around the corner, fashionably late. “I thought I smelled Jalen,” OG Anunoby says, smiling, and daps up his point guard.
“Everyone, follow me,” Brunson says. Then he spits his gum out right onto the sidewalk, struggles to pull open the club’s heavy glass door, and confidently leads the Knicks into the lobby – only for the entire group to get stopped by a baker’s dozen 400-pound doormen, all breathing heavily despite sitting down on barstools. The biggest bouncer, the clear leader, patronizingly says to the team –
“You guys smell like fucking shit. Out. Now.”
Brunson nervously explains that they’re the New York Knicks – 1973 NBA Champions – and that they’d really like to celebrate their big Game 1 win over the Sixers by partying with some A-listers.
“We saw about this party on Adam Levine’s Instagram story,” Josh Hart blurts out from the back of the group. Brunson shoots him a furious look and mouths, “Shut the fuck up.” Josh blushes and looks down at his feet.
The doorman explains that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about any of that; there’s no chance that the Knicks are getting anywhere near real, important celebrities people care about. “Over my dead fuckin’ body,” he keeps repeating as Brunson futilely tries to get a word in.
Just then, another bouncer unclips the velvet rope so Dan Aykroyd can enter the party, wearing some kind of corduroy Tin Man costume. Dan pats up and down his Met Gala outfit as if he’s looking for his wallet so he can tip the bouncer. In the end, he tips nothing.
The Knicks have no choice but to shuffle outside and plop down on the curb. No one speaks. They all stare at their phones in silence, watching and rewatching Adam Levine’s Instagram story, tearing up with jealousy at seeing celebrities dressed like this and having the time of their lives:
Today may not be our day as Sixers fans, but I, for one, feel a little better knowing all of this 100% happened.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)