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We Must Look to the Past for Answers to Modern Society’s Ills, Like the Lehigh Valley IronPigs Did With Their Beer Zipline
By Matt Schultz
Published:
Humankind has long been fascinated by the future. Since the dawn of civilization, man has been barreling toward technological advancements at full speed, no matter the cost, with zero regard for whether doing so is right or wrong, good or bad. Progress, mankind has believed, is not up for debate. Progress is the holiest of all deities. Progress is life itself. As such, innovation is worth any cost.
And the advancements have been vast.
In the last two hundred years alone, we’ve ushered in countless technologies previously believed to be unthinkable, impossible, the stuff of science fiction: Electricity. Vaccines. Toasters. Bombs. Microwaves. Coffee pots. Blenders. Nuclear bombs. Wall outlets. Grenades. Cars. SiriusXM. Satellite dishes. GoPro. Skydiving. The list goes on and on. Satellites. I could easily think of more examples if I had more time.
And we didn’t stop there; not by a long shot. Mankind wanted more, and so more it received: The internet. The computer. The rocket ship. Microchips. Microwaves. MRI machines. Electrical grids. Smart phones. 5G. High speed. On and on we went – and sports have been no exception: Instant replay. Football coaches wearing those headsets. PitchComm. ABS. I could easily think of other ones if I had extra time.
But this progress hasn’t come without a price. Look around. Are any of us really naive enough to think that there is no correlation between mankind’s relentless pursuit of more and the litany of problems our modern world faces? Loneliness is on the rise. Hatred. Distrust. Anger. Phone addiction. Social media. Stress. The 5-day work week. Pesticides. Only a fool would think all of these trends aren’t tied…
So what’s there to do? What’s the answer? Is there a better alternative for humankind other than pushing further and further into the technological abyss?
Well, the Lehigh Valley IronPigs have made their position crystal clear: We won’t find the answer ahead of us. We will only find it by looking to the past. And that’s exactly what the Phillies AAA affiliate did by bringing an ancient, primitive technology – the zipline – into their park to transport beers:
This is undoubtedly a cool, impressive tool. And unlike AI, this tool doesn’t cause psychosis or deplete the planet of its clean water supply. Watching the video, you can’t help but wonder: Who would have thought that such a simple mechanism – some rope on a pulley system used with the intention to transport goods – could be so effective?
The answer is: every civilization the world has ever seen.
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Kudos to the IronPigs for taking a stand against humanity’s mindless death march into the future and bringing the zipline back to prominence. It’s a radical perspective, but a refreshing one at that: maybe mankind already has everything it needs.
Here’s hoping that more ballparks take their lead and, instead of trying to have the fastest WiFi possible, sending potentially harmful waves through the bodies of everyone present, they instead look to ancient tools and find interesting beer-related uses for them: Levers. Old-looking compasses. Catapult. Rope bridges. Big fishing nets. Moat. Wicker basket. It’d be easy for me to sit here and think of more examples if I had more time.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)