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The Phillies Miraculously Getting Back Over .500 After Sweeping the Pirates Has Changed Me as a Person
By Matt Schultz
Published:
“The night is darkest just before the dawn.”
“After the storm comes the calm.”
“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”
“The comeback is always stronger than the setback.”
“Winter always turns to spring.”
I have long believed these phrases, and others like it, are dumb as hell. A lot of the time they’re not true. Sometimes bad stuff happens, and then some time goes by, and then more bad stuff happens. I thought these phrases were merely meaningless fodder that Instagram fitness people say while trying to get me to do sit-ups. “I am too smart to be tricked by these phrases,” I thought. “I will not do sit-ups for you, or for anyone…”
But then something changed. There has been a shift. You feel it too, don’t you? The rain has stopped… the sky is clearing… the guy with the messed up face from The Dark Knight was right… Burned Face… Dual Face… the night really is darkest before the dawn, and now it’s a new day…
The Phillies just swept the Pirates. They’re 24-23. The Fightins are back:
The Phillies are now 24-23. They were tied for the worst record in baseball at 9-19 when Rob Thomson was fired, and they’ve gone 15-4 since. They’re averaging 5.1 runs per game under Don Mattingly. Bryce Harper is taking Paul Skenes yard:
It’s kind of hard to wrap my head around how night-and-day this turnaround has been, in part because it’s not just one or two guys playing well – it’s the whole damn team. The bats are crushing. Since Topper was canned on April 28th (still less than a month ago), Bryce Harper has posted a .318/.423/.652 slash line with a 1.075 OPS, 6 homers, and 12 RBI (Jesus…) In the same stretch, Kyle Schwarber has gone .276/.375/.763 with a 1.138 OPS, 11 home runs, and 19 RBI (Jesus…).
Then there’s the pitching. Since The Great Sad Firing, the starters have posted a 2.87 ERA and 1.08 WHIP with their top three horses putting on a clinic. Cristopher Sánchez has a 0.59 ERA in 4 starts, and he’s 3-0 in those games – true Cy Young type stuff. Zack Wheeler is looking like he didn’t just have a rib removed – he has a 1.69 ERA and 0.83 WHIP over 26.2 IP to go 3-0. Jesus Luzardo is bringing up the rear with a 2.82 ERA and two wins. The bullpen has been lights out. Andrew Painter looks like he might pan out after all. I’m not going to talk about Aaron Nola. I don’t want to. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do.
I am man enough to admit when I am wrong, and will gladly do this right now: I thought the Phils were dead. I thought they were old, cooked, and bad. I thought it was over…
But the Phillies are back, and so am I. I have changed. I’m a hopeful kind of guy now. I smile at strangers. I wear Life is Good t-shirts. I will never question Half Face again:
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)