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I Give Lincoln Financial Field’s World Cup Transformation a B+
By Matt Schultz
Published:
After what feels like a decade of talking about it, the World Cup is finally set to begin in Philly on Sunday with a 7:00 PM match between Ivory Coast and Ecuador, and Lincoln Financial Field’s transformation for the occasion is complete:
I like it. This is a solid stadium makeover here. Overall, my grade for the Linc’s World Cup transformation is a B+. That’s a very respectable grade. It’s not an A, of course, but a B+ is nothing to scoff at. Here’s how I landed there:
Off to a good start. I like this Bud Light shack here. These are good colors.
Love this big soccer ball. Love that it’s guarded on all sides by the little fences there. No one is allowed to touch the ball. The ball is just for looking. That’s the way it should be. Have some respect for the beautiful game…
Volunteer Restaurant. Looking bleak! This is the first knock on the score. But maybe it’s better inside…
It’s not. It’s worse. You couldn’t put those folding chairs closer together if you tried. Imagine sitting there. Imagine how often your bare forearm/elbow would graze the person’s forearm/elbow next to you. Imagine that hell… But do not worry: This doesn’t impact my overall grade all that much. I’m not a volunteer. I don’t have to eat at Volunteer Restaurant. Volunteers don’t have to, either. They can bring food from home if they want. Eat in their cars. Or don’t. I don’t care.
This grass looks awesome. Look at how green it is. Look at those lines. The streaks of slightly different shades of green. From where I’m sitting, this looks like top-tier grass. According to the video, this is Kentucky Bluegrass grown in New Jersey. That’s great. Local grass. Let the world come and check out our nice grass. This grass is huge for the grade.
The actual cheesesteak is not featured in the photo, but I’m sure they’re fine. Bet they get the job done. These hypothetical cheesesteaks don’t affect my grade. I’ll tell you what does, though: I don’t care much for those cups there, with the holes. Look like toothbrush holders. Cheap ones. IKEA.
I don’t know what these are. I don’t like them. Too orange. Too shiny.
Tough to put into words how unappetizing this looks to me. It somehow looks too wet and too dry at the same time.
If I were a player, I’d be pretty bummed to see that the locker room chair they’re giving me is a stool. Stool is probably the most uncomfortable chair there is, in my opinion.
But look at that grass. That’s some really great grass.
All things considered, B+ feels right. That’s a perfectly good score. Maybe if the energy of the games is really great — like palpably, noticeably awesome through my TV — I’ll raise the grade. We’ll see. Only time will tell…
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com