Ad Disclosure
I Wish the Onion’s Pope Francis Itinerary Was Real
By Jim Adair
Published:
The city is super psyched that the Pope is coming this weekend, while most people in the city would rather not deal with it all. But seeing as it’s going to happen anyway, I just wish the Onion’s fake Pope itinerary was real, because it’s got some positives for us:
Saturday
11:15 a.m.: Throw key to city of Philadelphia in hotel garbage can
12:30 p.m.: Unbearable two-hour lunch with second cousin who lives in Philadelphia suburbsSunday
1:00 p.m.: Official ceremony to lift curse placed on Eagles by God in 1963
8:00 p.m.: Take emotional last glimpse of U.S., having learned many lessons, met dozens of great new friends, and just really grown as a pope
You know, it’s not blessing Bradford or Kiko’s knees, but lifting that curse would really be cool. And I’d really be into that lunch in the suburbs. Because you know it’d be in Delco, and then Delco would never shut up about it.
When he's not writing about sports here or ranting about them on Twitter, Jim is probably watching X-Files on Netflix or drinking a beer somewhere. Jim has nothing against hockey, it's just not his style. He once met Duce Staley at a Sixers game.