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Sixers

Morning Wood: Double Team Pleasure

Kyle Scott

By Kyle Scott

Published:

Photo credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

My eyes hath seen the light, and we are totally fucking for real again!

Oh what a day this is. Sports are back, baby! It’s been five years – FIVE YEARS – since we’ve had anything to give a shit about. I’m not kidding. At no point since 2012 could we seriously claim that our teams were contenders or that we were truly building something great. Now, through all of that misery and waiting and trusting, it’s all coming to fruition. Carson Wentz, on whom the Eagles staked maybe their entire franchise (or at least Howie Roseman’s office location), turned in what was easily his best performance to date, maybe not in terms of sheer stats, but in a purely biblical sense on national TV. Remember when he struggled to throw the deep ball. REMEMBER THAT? The north fucking remembers it:

WHAT A BOMB:

YouTube video

I said to my Dad that looked like it went 50 yards in the air. I then tried to do the math from the 30 to the opposing 40, 30, 20, 10… um, how many is that? I can’t do football math over 50 yards. It doesn’t compute. 62.8! That’s like, off the top of my head, 188.4 feet! What a stud. By the way, the touchdown routes on that pass chart look like the visual interpretation of a dressage horse’s dance steps:

YouTube video

Meanwhile, in the former Motor City, the Sixers dismantled the Pistons on the strength of Joel Embiid’s 30 points and Ben Simmons’ triple-double, which seems good:

Simmons has a double-double in three of his first four games, a triple-double in the other, and is averaging 17, 11 and 7. There is a large eggplant Emoji in my pants. 🍆

Embiid is back to being himself, Carson Wentz is DA GOD (actually he might not like that phrasing and I’m sorry, My Chosen One, oh holy shit I gone dunnit again, ah Jesus Christ), and Ben Simmons is on his way to being the greatest player ever, so let’s check in on Markelle Fultz:

https://youtu.be/pzylzdBrDG8

To be clear, I didn’t write the title for that video and, well, at least he took one? Yeah, this is a long-term thing with Fultz. Settle in.

Let’s Wood!

 

Deuce Gruden

Holy shit Jon Gruden named his kid Deuce.

I saw a few Tweets about Gruden playing favorites last night because his brother is the coach and his son works for the team, but I actually think he does an EXTRAORDINARY job not playing favorites, without being like the Little League coach who is overly hard on his own kid to compensate. Think about it– it’s a tough spot. He calls him “Jay Gruden” for God’s sake. And I thought doing one little segment to acknowledge that they are in fact brothers is the right way to go about it. No issues at all. Love Gruden. He’s great. And his knowledge of Carson Wentz’s college call, followed by the crew having video of it? That’s good production right there.

 

It’s unclear if Jordan Hicks was on crutches

https://twitter.com/Rickybob90/status/922674407612604416

 

Who wore it best?

https://twitter.com/mshapiro3/status/922658410381930496

I’m willing to bet the first guy is from Upper Darby. I’m actually really impressed with this. That’s a Nike jersey, but it’s not technically authentic. NFL Shop filters will catch that customization 10 times out of 10 (I’ve told you this before, but I literally used to be the guy to run those filters and oh boy you won’t believe how many ways there are to spell “cunt” if you really try). It pairs so well with the baggy khakis, it’s like a cab sav paired with a dry-aged bone-in ribeye. They were just made for each other. And speaking of bonin’, that guy ain’t doing much of it, and your mom is most certainly not dangling her parts over his… you know what, let’s just take a beat here and appreciate the look.

 

Just get on top

 

Wentz

This was his coming out party, make no mistake. He was slinging it like a legitimate Aaron Rodgers out there. Calling his own college plays. Perfect strikes. Purple 65!

It’s hard not to like everything about Wentz. He’s a great player and a good person. The Dutch Destroyer video is just one example. I’m a cynic when it comes to those things, but that kid and the bracelet 100% mean something to Wentz, and imagine how much that means to his family? Wentz isn’t paying lip service to some publicity thing– he’s doing what’s right. I honestly can’t imagine a better face for a sports team.

 

Everyone else

And he’s just one of many on this team. Chris Long. Malcolm Jenkins. The celebrations. Wherever you stand on the anthem thing, there’s no denying the Eagles handled it right. Just everything they do is upbeat, positive and sends a good message regardless of skin color, age, ethnicity or allegiance. So much emotional intelligence it makes me want to punch someone.

 

Jason Peters chants

https://twitter.com/bexonair/status/922649705020043264

I can’t wait for the inevitable “it’s just a sprain, back after the bye” Tweets that will make this all seem so ridiculous. But, whatever happens, that was a cool moment– if you have to go out in the NFL, let it be in front of your home fans, with them chanting your name:

 

Adorbs

 

Winning so much we’re tired of winning

 

Found footing

The Eagles came out looking sluggish and like they hadn’t played in 12 days. It all felt very similar to how they looked after starting 3-0 last year. Could the lull, followed in a week by a bye, do it again to the Eagles? It felt that way for a while. But credit to the Birds for finding their footing, quickly, and picking up right where they left off. This team is for real. Maybe not a true Super Bowl contender, but absolutely for real. They have always felt more legitimate than that 3-0 team last year, which played two dreadful teams to start and then a Steelers squad that wasn’t quite right yet. This team is well-rounded, with a stronger, more cohesive D, a better offense, more experienced quarterback and depth. They’re the real deal.

 

Creeptweets

https://twitter.com/AngeloCataldi/status/922805603621273600

Imagine outing this (married) woman to Angelo and getting… a pen… for your betrayal.

 

We have one

 

Look familiar?

 

So this is good

Tuna can offense no more.

 

Men on Women

What do you think Sal Pal can add to this event?

Kyle Scott
Kyle Scott

Kyle Scott is the founder and editor of CrossingBroad.com. He has written for CBS Philly and Philly Voice, and been a panelist or contributor on NBC Sports Philly, FOX 29 and SNY TV, as well as a recurring guest on 97.5 The Fanatic, 94 WIP, 106.7 The Fan and other stations. He has more than 10 years experience running digital media properties and in online advertising and marketing.

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