Flyers

50 Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan: Winter Sucks Edition

By Kevin Kinkead

Published: Feb 4th, 2022 · 11:21 AM EST

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Welcome everybody, to another edition of the award-winning and critically-acclaimed 50 Hot Takes column.

In this installment, we’re going over the worst season of the year, winter. It’s a terrible time, unless you like darkness, cold, and breathing problems. In that case, I recommend the whole-house humidifier. Trust me, it’s a game changer. I recommend the Aprilaire 700 with the automatic humidistat control.

The only people who should like winter are snowboarders and Canadians. You’re either hitting Jack Frost/Big Boulder or watching the Maple Leafs lose in the first around again. The Flyers will probably lift Lord Stanley’s Cup before the Leafs ever get over the hump.

Now that the introduction is over, here’s the list:

1. Punxsutawney Phil is a dope.
2. The Eagles should use all three first round draft picks on defensive players, one at each level of the D. One lineman, one linebacker, and one defensive back.
3. If the Sixers do trade for James Harden, they may be the most boring team on the planet. Hope you’re ready for nothing but post ups, pick and roll, foul shots, and a lot of iso.
4. No issue banning the Sixers fan who got into it with Melo. He was a multiple-time offender and had a file.
5. Brandon Brooks was as good as Jason Kelce and Lane Johnson. He just didn’t play here long enough to receive that same GOAT-like status.
6. Not enough love for NFL guards in general. It’s so much easier to watch a tackle go 1v1 with a dominant edge rusher, or see a center like Kelce pull and block in space. There aren’t enough ready-made opportunities to really showcase what people like Brooks can do.
7. Kyle might fire me for saying this, but I just can’t put Taylor Swift in the top tier of pop stars. She’s kind of like the Claude Giroux of pop stars. If Lady Gaga is Connor McDavid, then T Swift is G.
8. Let’s not order on the app. Just go inside the store and talk to a human being. We spend enough time dicking around on our phones.
9. Speaking of apps, the best one is potato skins with the sour cream, cheddar cheese, bacon and chives. Gimme a hell yeah.
10. Taco Bell is one of the great American institutions.
11. The best decade was the 1980s.
12. Most people with snow blowers don’t need snow blowers. It’s just a suburban dad flex. “Look at my snow blower!” As explained in a previous column, you should only need a snow blower for four inches or more. 
13. The United States playing an outdoor soccer game in Minnesota in February was insane. We’ve got enough talent to beat Honduras anywhere in the country. We don’t need the climate advantage. We should beat Honduras in Honolulu, Miami, or Boyertown.
14. The Carson Wentz anti-vax victory lap was the dumbest thing ever. The only reason Carson was able to play against the Raiders is because the NFL changed the rules after he got COVID. Yet you had people out here saying “I told you so” as if the “big bad media” had teamed up on him or something. It’s so weird.
15. If the Flyers are gonna be slow and boring, then at least throw some hands. It’s been way too long since we had a good Flyers vs. somebody brawl.
16. Jake Paul stinks and I’m embarrassed for myself that I watched both Tyron Woodley fights.
17. Nobody wants crossover MMA and boxing fights. We need boxers to do more boxing and mixed martial artists to do more fighting. 1-2 fights per year isn’t enough activity.
18. Somebody tell Dana White we don’t want immediate rematches and trilogies. Can we please honor the rankings and give title shots to deserving guys?
19. If the Sixers don’t trade Ben Simmons at the deadline, they should shut Joel Embiid down for the rest of the year.
20. If the Sixers don’t trade Ben Simmons at the deadline, moving that Tobias Harris contract as a precursor type of deal would go a long way towards a summer reconfiguration around Embiid. It would be make Simmons non-activity more palatable.
21. If we learned anything from COVID, it’s that nobody should be commuting to work five days a week. Either three days in/two days at home, or three days at home/two days in. This is the way.
22. The Book of Boba Fett absolutely stinks, but here I am watching it anyway.
23. There are too many shows in general. There’s not enough time to watch everything on Disney+/Apple TV+/Hulu/Netflix/etc it is overload.
24. I don’t wanna pay for fucking Peacock. Just put the game on NBC, USA, or CNBC. Stop pushing me to the streaming service.
25. Ozark is just as good as Breaking Bad.
26. Every show should be released in entirety. All episodes available immediately for binging. We don’t want to wait until next week for the next episode.
27. Speaking of the next episode, the Snoop and Dre Super Bowl halftime will be the best SB show since Tom Petty in 2008.
28. Things that Philadelphia overrates: Pearl Jam, Bruce Springsteen, Italian meats, and IPA.
29. The quality of sports broadcasting is really down over the last two years. Not sure if it’s COVID or lack of travel or what, but there’s been a noticeable decline.
30. Nick Sirianni should grow out the facial hair and go for a more rugged look. The trim line is too high.
31. Best provolone? It has to be the Belgioioso.
32. If you’re not buying Sargento’s “off the block” thick shredded cheese, then what the fuck are you actually doing
33. 2022 is Tyree Jackson’s breakout year. He comes back from the ACL tear and has a banger of a season.
34. Jordan Mailata is going to the 2022 Pro Bowl.
35. The 2021 Union team, which went to the MLS Cup semifinals and Champion’s League semifinals, wasn’t as good as the 2020 Union team.
36. Put some respect on the Nutter Butter line of products.
37. If you think about it, Cinderella is messed up. The step sisters rip off her clothes and the evil stepmother locks her in a tower. Should we cancel Cinderella?
38. Plain bagels are so much more versatile than other bagels. You can put butter, cream cheese, peanut butter, or anything else on them. You can’t do that for every bagel.
39. Everybody should be required to pull forward immediately after getting their drive-through order. If you sit there trying to get your credit card back into your wallet or whatever, it’s a violation. Move it forward, get situated, and then carry on. Don’t delay the people behind you.
40. A take regarding the movie Frozen: If you think about it, the King deserves a lot of the blame for Elsa not being able to control her powers. He’s the one who decided to lock her away and shut the castle gates and turn her into a recluse.
41. Frozen 2 was pretty disappointing. It can’t hold a candle to Frozen.
42. We gotta come up with a different word for “narrative.” Narrative jumped the shark years ago.
43. I agree with Jamie Lynch when he says the coach+GM press conference needs to go the way of the Dodo Bird. Howie Roseman and Nick Sirianni up there at the same time ensures that each one gets fewer questions. It’s an oversaturation and shadow obfuscation.
44. Adults can eat applesauce, too. It’s not just a children’s food. We need to de-stigmatize applesauce.
45. Phil with a guest take: “Jeopardy needs to name a permanent host, this has gone on longer than the Simmons holdout“
46. If we’re ranking pharmacies, it’s gotta be Rite Aid #1, CVS #2, and then Walgreens #3.
47. Jury duty starts way too early in the morning.
48. When the Eagles are currently in the offseason, each of the local radio stations should have one day per week where you are not allowed to talk about the Eagles.
49. Nobody gives a shit which cheesesteak place you like best.
50. A Flock of Seagulls had bangers back in the day.