Antonio Bastardo Receives 50-Game Suspension

Published: Aug 5th, 2013 · 12:42 PM EDT

I ALWAYS KNEW HIS ASS WAS TOO BIG TO BE NATURAL!

Antonio Bastardo, centaur, is one of the players in the Biogenesis scandal and will accept a 50-game suspension, according to bow tie man himself, little tiny tadpole Ken Rosenthal.

This may explain a lot about Bastardo’s decline last year following an outstanding 2011.

Another piece of great news for the 2013 Phillies. The silver lining in all this? That douchebag Jordany Valdespin was on the list, too:

Among players accepting 50-game suspensions: #Rangers’ Cruz, #Tigers’ Peralta, #Phlllies’ Bastardo, #Mets’ Valdespin, #Padres’ Cabrera.

— Ken Rosenthal (@Ken_Rosenthal) August 5, 2013

Kyle Scott

Kyle Scott is the founder and editor of CrossingBroad.com. He has written for CBS Philly and Philly Voice, and been a panelist or contributor on NBC Sports Philly, FOX 29 and SNY TV, as well as a recurring guest on 97.5 The Fanatic, 94 WIP, 106.7 The Fan and other stations. He has more than 10 years experience running digital media properties and in online advertising and marketing.