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Did You See This Wild-Ass Commercial During the Phillies vs. Red Sox Game on Thursday?
By Matt Schultz
Published:
Were you guys watching the Phillies game on Thursday night? Did you see this commercial? –
— yoyoitsme (@yoyoitsme417235) May 15, 2026
First time through, I couldn’t believe what I’d just watched. Then I rewound it and watched it again. Then I rewound it one more time, recorded it on my phone, and texted it to everyone I know. This commercial is nuts.
I’ve been thinking a lot over the last 24 hours about how to write about this commercial. Here’s what I’ve landed on:
Stray Thoughts, Observations, and Questions I Had While Watching the Wildest Commercial I’ve Ever Seen
-Holy shit.
-Sad stuff!
-Can this story be true?
-Jesus.
-Why would the boss be telling this to everyone at work?
-Did he call a meeting just for this?
-He put “All Hands - 4:30pm Friday - very important” on everyone’s Google calendars?
-Maybe he tells this story to his employees every day, for motivation.
-Maybe the man speaking isn’t actually the boss.
-They never established his role.
-Maybe it’s his first day.
-Maybe this was his response to “Tell us a little about yourself.”
-I don’t think he should have kept the curling iron.
-I don’t think he should be telling anyone he has the curling iron.
-How did he get his hands on the curling iron?
-Who did he have to ask?
-“I want this for my office. I’m taking this.”
-I don’t think he asked.
-I think he took the curling iron without anyone knowing.
-I don’t think anyone involved in the tragedy even knows it’s gone.
-I don’t think anyone else is going to be looking for that.
-I’m trying to imagine the most considerate/reverent way he could be keeping this curling iron.
-Loose in his desk?
-Loose on his shelf?
-Framed?
-With a small plaque?
-”I took this.”
-In a Ziploc bag?
-Every option is bad.
-Quarter-zip feels underdressed to tell a story like this.
-Feels like a black suit story.
-He really wants us to see the pinky ring.
-He says he keeps “certain things that remind him of people and cases.”
-There’s more?
-Sounds like he’s got a whole collection of this stuff.
-He shouldn’t have any of this stuff.
-No one’s reactions make sense.
-They’re solemnly shaking their heads, sure.
-But that doesn’t match what they’re hearing.
-Should be way bigger reactions.
-There are more appropriate reactions to this kind of speech.
-Like rewinding/rewatching it on TV three straight times.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)