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The Phillies Whooped San Diego So Badly That Manny Machado Told the Media the Padres are Playing “Like Dog Shit”
By Matt Schultz
Published:
The Phillies just swept the Pardres for the second time this season, and it looks like the Fightins’ most recent display of dominance has really gotten to Manny Machado.
“People are frustrated. The fans want us to win games. So do we. We’re more frustrated than anybody,” Machado told MLB.com after the Padres’ 6-4 loss to the Philadelphia Phillies on Thursday. “We want to turn things around. Everybody on this ballclub is trying to do that. So, we’re going to keep working, just knowing that we’re still in a good position, even though we’re playing like dog s—.
This is what’s up. This rules. Manny spazzing and saying the Pads are playing like dog shit? That’s what’s in. In my opinion, beating someone so badly that they spaz is one of the greatest feelings there is. We’ve all been there, right? You ever hit so many tough shots in pickup basketball that the other team gets into an argument over who should guard you? You ever beat your fiancé in Connect Four so many times in a row that she quits and gives you a silent, weird vibe for the next ten-ish minutes? You ever bury someone in Madden so brutally they accuse you of actually being the loser because you clearly play the game way too much? I’m proud to say I’ve experienced each of these in my lifetime. They were all incredible. I will never, ever forget them. But I’m not sure any of those moments compare to making Manny Machado – a professional athlete making hundreds of millions of dollars – do a sulking media spaz.
Not that I can blame him. The Phillies whooped the Padres over the last three games. San Diego’s hitting numbers were brutal:
| Game | Score | H | AB | HR | RBI | BB | K | 2B | LOB |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 6/2 vs Nola | L 2–3 | 7 | 33 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 12 | 1 | 12 |
| 6/3 vs C. Sánchez | L 2–3 | 6 | 33 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 11 | 1 | 12 |
| 6/4 vs Wheeler | L 4–6 | 4 | 30 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 10 | 0 | 9 |
| Series | 8–12 | 17 | 96 | 3 | 8 | 8 | 33 | 2 | 33 |
Series slash line: .177 BA / .240 OBP, 33 strikeouts in 96 ABs (34.4% K rate), and stranded 33 runners. Woof.
And with the nightmare season Manny Machado is having, it makes sense that he’d be the one to lash out. His current slash line is .174/.262/.357 with an OPS of just .619. His .174 BA is the worst in the National League, and his .262 OBP is third worst in the NL. That’s some tremendously bad stuff, and his performance against the Phillies did little to pick those numbers up:
Machado vs. Phillies
| Date | Game | AB | H | 2B | 3B | HR | RBI | R | BB | K | HBP |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Jun 2 | 2026-06-02, SD 2 @ PHI 3 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
| Jun 3 | 2026-06-03, SD 2 @ PHI 3 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 |
| Jun 4 | 2026-06-04, SD 4 @ PHI 6 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 0 |
Machado went 2-for-12 (.167) in the series with just 1 HR, 2 RBI, 1 R, 0 BB, and 5 Ks. The homer and two RBI came in the finale against Zach Wheeler, but too little too late. Aside from going yard just the once, he was a ghost, going 0-for-4 in Game 1 and 1-for-4 with 2 Ks in Game 2.
Gotta extend a congratulations to the Phillies, here. Playing so well that you cause a full-blown spaz is worth celebrating. Here’s to hoping they can keep the opponent spazzes coming.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com