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What The Hell Happened To Hunter Pence?
By Kyle Scott
Published:
I watched non-Phillies baseball for the first time in a year this week. I don’t know if it’s because the Phillies have been so bad that they kind of make you hate the sport or if baseball has done such a terrible job marketing its stars, but I didn’t realize that Troy Tulowitzki was on the Blue Jays until Tuesday night. How long has he been with them? And oh hey WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HUNTER PENCE? He’s like a fucking evoluting caveman slowly regressing to his natural state. I mean, here’s Pence on a date with Sheena Parveen (respeck) in 2011…
… here he is in 2014 with the Giants…
… and here he is for the Giants’ bi-annual World Series run last night:
Pretty soon he’s gonna start walking on his knuckles.
Twitter reactions were just perfect:
joined the Sticky Bandits pic.twitter.com/OrhqnnCvDK
— Chris Sack (@SackAttack112) October 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/DonBruni22/status/783828423533887488
medical marijuana
— Cracker Jack (@CSS1491) October 6, 2016
When you find out Sheena Parveen is leaving Philly for D.C. https://t.co/K4z8kxLbx1
— Rade (@raaadomir) October 6, 2016
California. That's what
— DaDirtyJerz (@Saboourns) October 6, 2016
— Fin (@mfinley81211) October 6, 2016
looks like the swede from hell on wheels pic.twitter.com/IGsEdpzR8w
— Chris (@whiskystr8up) October 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/ZachSiskind/status/783830315022155776
https://twitter.com/RealJMaz/status/783831586529738752
is it a full moon?
— 💞YaYa Shell💞 (@ShelleyCuz) October 6, 2016
legal weed
— John DiCola (@JohnDiCola) October 6, 2016
did he join ISIS?
— The Wagon (@PhillyWCWagon) October 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/RealJMaz/status/783833063709114368
cocaine is a helluva drug
— Parker Stiles (@1Parker_Stiles) October 6, 2016
I don't know for certain but if I had a guess ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/GftpcrT2Cd
— Pat Egan (@Pat_Egan) October 6, 2016
he looks like the unabomber Ted K
— Packy Gilbert (@PackyGilbert) October 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/nickdabear918/status/783839651161407488
https://twitter.com/waltbates/status/783841874457030656
The Battle of The Bastards really took a lot out of him
— Jeremy Foster (@jfoster73) October 6, 2016
he just became a certified G and a bonafide stud pic.twitter.com/Irjr3J7w0P
— Juff Daddy (@Juffles) October 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/chris_bright12/status/783862749751349248
Winner. That's what happened. #thanksruben
— Chris Wheeler's Hair (@NotWheeler) October 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/robmagee/status/784004283951816704
Let’s go get real high and eat.
Kyle Scott is the founder and editor of CrossingBroad.com. He has written for CBS Philly and Philly Voice, and been a panelist or contributor on NBC Sports Philly, FOX 29 and SNY TV, as well as a recurring guest on 97.5 The Fanatic, 94 WIP, 106.7 The Fan and other stations. He has more than 10 years experience running digital media properties and in online advertising and marketing.