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Poor Knicks Fans Who’ve Been Priced Out of MSG by Fat Joe and Michael Rapaport Now Can’t Even Buy Tickets in Philly
By Matt Schultz
Published:
For the last couple years, New York fans have thought it’s an impressive flex to “take over” Xfinity Mobile Arena by buying up tickets, driving down to Philly, and cheering loudly for the Knicks. It’s very weird that they think this is cool. If anything, I think it’s the exact opposite: This is a sad state of affairs for Knicks fans. If you’re unfamiliar, here’s a quick explanation of why this happens:
The Knicks are one of the great embarrassments in NBA history, having gone decades with garbage teams, no hope, and countless failed attempts to woo free agents like thirsty weirdos. Recently, they’ve finally become relevant (They’ve won nothing of consequence, of course, let’s not get ahead of ourselves), and Knicks fans have crawled out from their sewers and decided they want to go to games now.
Unfortunately for them, many of these bandwagon Knicks fans have discovered they can’t afford to go to games at Madison Square Garden. There are many reasons for this – but the biggest, in my opinion, is that most people in MSG don’t care about basketball. Fans scoop up all the tickets and send prices soaring because they want to be near Ben Stiller and Turtle from Entourage. New Yorkers can’t resist their stars. They want to feel like they’re at an awards show. They’ll pay $1,000 to get a glimpse at Colin Jost wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. To see Michael Rapaport licking mustard off his thumb. To see Tracy Morgan shuffling down the row on his way to the bathroom. When the stars shine this bright, ticket prices go up, and tons of fans are priced out.
Let it be known: I truly feel bad for Knicks fans in this predicament. This would be terrible. Imagine your kids are huge Jalen Brunson fans who want to see him play a home game, and you gotta tell them that you can’t afford it. Then you turn on the game and see Fat Joe sitting courtside, tauntingly waving to the camera, the front of his shirt littered with popcorn kernels as the crowd cheers… Repulsive…
So this is why non-wealthy Knicks fans are forced to drive two hours south to Philly to see a game. Bummer. How Knicks fans have convinced themselves it’s actually cool, I have no idea. Poor guys.
Not to say it isn’t mildly annoying that Knicks fans have been driving down to Philly in droves – it is, I guess. It’s clearly on Joel Embiid’s mind heading into the second-round matchup:
“I just have a message for our fans. Last time we played the Knicks it felt like this was Madison Square Garden East. So we gonna need the support. Don’t sell your tickets. This is bigger than you. We need you guys. The atmosphere that we’ve had the last couple games in Philly, especially the last one, pushing it to Game 7 – I mean, we need all of it… Knicks fans, they travel, they gonna buy the tickets… It’s gonna be some people that need the money, and are probably gonna sell tickets. But don’t do it. We need you guys. We got a pretty good chance. We gonna need our support… If you need money, I got you.”
Very cool of Joel to say this! Very kind of him to offer his financial help, and this is something I will be taking him up on. I have begun emailing a bunch of slightly different versions of ‘joel’ ‘embiid’ ‘21’ @gmail.com with the subject “get me out of Jam please…. buddy I Need this… need $$$ and tickets” to see if Joel is a man of his word. I’m confident he will be.
Joel’s concern about a Knicks takeover has made waves with the Sixers organization, too. For this playoff series, they’re only selling tickets to people who live in the Philadelphia area:
“Xfinity Mobile Arena is located in Philadelphia, PA. Sales to this event will be restricted to residents of Greater Philadelphia area. Residency will be based on credit card billing address. Orders by residents outside Greater Philadelphia area will be canceled without notice and refunds given.”
Overall, I think this is pretty nice. I don’t care all that much about Knicks fans driving down for these games – Phillies fans have been doing this to the Nationals for 100 years – but this geofencing situation does seem to be upsetting Knicks fans, and that makes me smile and softly nod. I also imagine Joel is happy about this, and after his incredible first-round performance, Joel’s happiness is my number one priority. I owe this guy my life… especially if he answers my emails begging for cash… Please answer me, Jo…
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)