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How The Hell Did They Find a Guy Who Looks and Sounds Just Like Sylvester Stallone? (and Other Stray Thoughts on the ‘I Play Rocky’ Trailer)
By Matt Schultz
Published:
Have you guys seen this trailer yet? It dropped on Wednesday. It’s fascinating stuff:
I’ve been hearing this movie was coming for a while now, but after seeing the trailer, I feel like it finally crystalized in my mind: They made a movie about Sylvester Stallone making a movie starring Sylvester Stallone playing Rocky Balboa.
Watching the trailer, a bunch of thoughts ran through my mind. Then I watched the trailer again, prompting a few more. Then I repeated this process a handful of times until I had a big list of thoughts that could make up this blog. That’s what this is. That’s what you’re currently reading. Let’s begin.
Stray Thoughts I Had While Watching The ‘I Play Rocky’ Trailer A Bunch Of Times
-Who is this guy?
-This guy looks just like Sly.
-What the hell.
-Where’d they find this guy?
-Was this guy an actor before this movie was filmed?
-Did they put out a casting call for actors who look exactly like Sly?
-Or did they try to find a regular guy who looks like Sly first, then had to teach him to act?
-He’s very good at the Rocky voice.
-Maybe he’s putting it on slightly thick voice-wise, but overall, the voice is good.
-Very funny that the first big reveal of the movie is that Sly used to go by “Mike.”
-Having fun imagining this reveal on the page in the script.
-SYLVESTER STALLONE: “I’m Mike.”
-HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: “I thought your name was Sylvester.”
-SYLVESTER STALLONE: “It is. I was thinking I could have two names. I thought ‘Mike’ could be a cool bonus name for me. I’m both guys, I was thinking. I dunno.”
-HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: “No.”
-SYLVESTER STALLONE: “Ah.”
-HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: No one has two names. A person only has one.”
-SYLVESTER STALLONE: “Yeah, well. Yeah.”
-HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: “Don’t do that again. That was confusing.”
-SYLVESTER STALLONE: “Right.”
-HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: “Annoying thing to do. Don’t do it.”
-SYLVESTER STALLONE: “Got it.”
–End of Act 1.
-Kind of weird seeing all these shot-for-shot remakes of the original Rocky movie.
-Looks like a kind of uncanny valley situation.
-They even got a lookalike for Rocky’s dog.
-That original dog has to have been dead for a very long time now.
-Like 50 years dead. Something like that.
-It’s weird that 50 years after one dog dies, it’s pretty easy to go out and find a dog that looks just like that original dog.
-Crazy that dog breeds, overall, don’t change much looks-wise over that much time.
-A German Shepherd from the 1800s looks like a German Shepherd now, pretty much, I’m saying.
-Which is interesting.
-This movie has Invincible vibes.
-The Mark Wahlberg one. Invincible. Vince Papale.
-Which was itself a Rocky rip-off.
-We’re in a kind of ouroboros of Rocky-ish movies, here.
-Invincible used to be on all the time.
-TNT, I think it was.
-Or FX.
-Yeah, it was definitely FX. Was always on FX.
-“FX has the movies.”
-I wonder how much of this stuff in the trailer really happened.
-Sly broke his hand on the meat slab in the trailer.
-Did he really break his hand on the meat slab while shooting?
-I’m gonna assume all of this stuff really happened.
-Or at least most of it.
-Extremely cool that they’re using the original Bill Conti score in this.
-Cards on the table: I did get chills at the end of this trailer.
-I’m a little embarrassed by this.
-Not sure why.
-Feels like I was easily manipulated or something.
-And maybe that makes me dumb as hell or something.
-I bet it was just the score.
-If you put this score over footage of anything, I’d probably get chills.
-Doesn’t matter what the visuals are.
-Bill Conti score over Reels of bread-baking.
-Bill Conti score over Reels of gruesome electric scooter injuries.
-Bill Conti score over news coverage of the Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 disappearance.
-I’m getting goosebumps for all of those.
-I wonder what Sylvester Stallone thinks of all this.
-Is he involved in this movie?
-Lemme Google it.
-According to Google’s AI response: Sylvester Stallone is not officially involved in the production of I Play Rocky, though director Peter Farrelly received his personal blessing.
-Sounds to me like Sly isn’t all that thrilled with this movie.
-Lemme check if he’s said anything about it on Instagram.
-He has not!
-Sly’s pissed!
-He’s gotta be!
-It’s the only explanation.
-Sly is constantly posting on Instagram. He loves that site. If he’s not posting about this, it means something.
-He posts all kinds of wild shit that doesn’t matter.
-Sly being pissed about I Play Rocky is some good drama.
-High stakes…
-Great characters…
-Perhaps this too, someday, will be a movie…
-A movie about the inspiring true story of how Sylvester Stallone didn’t like the movie being made about him making a movie…
-And on and on we go…
-The Rocky movie ouroboros grows and grows, forever…
-Every movie in production will one day be Rocky-inspired…
-Which seems impossible…
-A million-to-one shot, you could say…
-Just like Rocky himself…
-Yes…
-Anyway, pumped to see this one.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com