Shittsburgh: A Bull and Cow Have Sex in the Road, Man Sues Penguins for Too Many Text Messages

Screen Shot 2012-06-01 at 10.40.14 AM

There's a Sidney Crosby joke to be made here, but I won't do him like that– because Malkin is! (pic via 96.1)

Welcome to the lovely city of Shittsburgh, where sewer pipes leak below PNC Park. Today, traffic was stopped while a bull and cow had sex in the middle of the road:

Screen Shot 2012-06-01 at 10.44.16 AM
Screen Shot 2012-06-01 at 10.44.16 AM
Screen Shot 2012-06-01 at 10.44.16 AM

That's not anger, lady– it's passion.

The sports story of the day in this fine town, though, is of one Yinzer, who is suing the Pittsburgh Penguins because they sent him two extra text alerts during one week in March.

For realsies.

The folks at Puck Daddy did a nice job of breaking the lawsuit down, but basically it goes like this:

A guy signed up for text alerts from the Penguins. He was told that there would be a maximum of three texts per week (reasonable), but got upset when, during the week of March 11, he received – brace yo’selves – five text messages. The following week? Four. HE RECEIVED THREE EXTRA TEXT MESSAGES IN TWO WEEKS. THE HORROR! Somewhere, a child dies of hunger, a man gets shot, an old lady gets plowed over by a bus, and a Pittsburghian has to check his cell phone. We’re doomed.

image from media.zenfs.com

As the folks at Puck Daddy point out, there are explicit instructions on how to unsubscribe from the text alerts. But no, a lawsuit seemed like the better option.

Yinzers: looking for a way out since 1992.

31 Comments

  1. I want to see the rest of the Complaint to read the description of the “harm” he underwent due to the extra text messages.

  2. Death! Death! Die!

    June 1, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Taylor Marie gave me road head while I fingered her leather cheerio

  3. Scramblin Randall

    June 1, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Kyle is just following Taylor Marie so he can see the new profile pic she says will happen if she gets to 1500 followers.

  4. I heard they mistook the bull and cow for Mr. and Mrs. Malkin visiting Shittsburgh

  5. Looks like some animal interracial sex.

  6. Listen i dislike the penguins as much as the next guy… But when did we philadelphians start giving a fuck about that town? Just ignore them and the rest of the state west of the delaware valley.

  7. im bored of the fanatic, what happened to the buzz podcasts?

  8. That;s not a road.

  9. More like that bull is raping a cow

  10. This is quality journalism.

  11. Kyle later went out and helped by getting behind the bull and fluffing its balls while it stroked.
    He then let the bull finish on his back.

  12. it’s pissburg, everything outside of downtown is dirt roads.

  13. Rhea, you’re a fucking dirty cunt

  14. Charlie Brown

    June 1, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    For realsies? STFU.

  15. just another day in shittsburgh

  16. Raging Turd-Storm

    June 2, 2012 at 12:43 am

    ‘Sidney Crosby?’ Wtf is that? For fuck’s sake, the proper terminology is ‘Cindy Criesby of the Pittsburgh Bettmans.’ Please correct that glaring oversight as soon as humanly possible, and then drink more than enough beers to fuck a cow in the middle of the street. Thanks.

  17. It would have been funnier if that bull was fucking Jason babin

  18. Scott Hartnell

    June 2, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Taylor licked the underside of my scrotum

  19. The San Francisco treat

    June 2, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Update your blog asshole!!!!

  20. Remember the time this site used to actually be a decent alternative to the garbage Philly media? I do..

  21. Yea, this is a joke, dude quit his job for this shit?

  22. there should be an open thread for every phils game plus a pre and post game

  23. internet racist

    June 2, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    Fuck whitey

  24. X Live Panty Dropper

    June 2, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    FUCKIN JEFF CARTER

  25. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WAIT UNTIL ME AND RICHIE GET BACK TO L.A. COKE AND PORNS STARS ALL NIGHT BABY

  26. Meanwhile Carter and Richards will be winning Lord Stanley’s cup,while the Phillies stink up the joint.

  27. Fleury won a cup

    June 3, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    OK, I’ve got that creepy ‘this dude thinks way too much about you’ feeling about Philly.
    In Pittsburgh, we don’t think about philly at all, nada, nothing, zero, couldn’t care less what happens there, what you do, what you say. But in philly, you have this odd obsession about us, posting about us on your sport website, etc.
    So do us a favor, when you get done stroking off to your claude giroux posters, stop thinking about us, stop writing about us. Just stop ok? Instead, you can spend your time wishing snookie was your gf and you were walking on the jersey shore together.

  28. You don’t think about us but you read a philly sports blog? Makes sense.

  29. Yep, RJM. Relativity/RML was given express permission to sub-license/redistribute Atlas Shrugged: Part 1 to Netflix (for 30 months?), so NF had a distribution deal with RML, not directly with Atlas. Looks like Atlas is trying to recoup losses incurred from its sour deal with Relativity/RML by going after NF, even though NF seems to have already fulfilled its contractual obligations. (Just skimmed the document, so I may be missing something

  30. I guess when your team is as as good as the Penguins, and have enjoyed multiple Stanley Cup runs in the past few years, I guess one needs SOMETHING to be upset about. I mean, it’s not like they’re so pissed about their own hockey team they have to go ape-shit on their cross-state rivals to make themselves feel better.

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