I, For One, Applaud A-Rod for Outing That No Good Dickhead Ryan Braun

Screen Shot 2013-08-16 at 10.25.49 AMOh, we’re supposed to be mad at A-Rod (or his people) for outing that fraudulent prick Ryan Bryan? I, for one, applaud him.

From 60 Minutes:

“60 Minutes” has learned that members of New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez’s inner circle* in February obtained and leaked documents that implicated Milwaukee Brewers slugger Ryan Braun as well as his own Yankees teammate, catcher Francisco Cervelli, in the doping scandal that has enveloped Major League Baseball.

Braun and Cervelli’s names were redacted in the Miami New Times documents. Members of Rodriguez’s camp at the time obtained unredacted versions and leaked them to Yahoo! Sports, according to two sources with direct knowledge of the matter. The unredacted documents also implicated Baltimore Oriole Danny Valencia, who MLB later investigated and cleared.

I mean, sure, if it were virtually any other player in baseball he Cansecoed, I’d liken A-Rod to a gorilla falling out of a tree, determined to destroy every branch, and all life forms on them, while on his way to a crash landing below. He’d be the weasel of all weasels, twice gaming the system and now ruining profile of other cheaters to deflect criticism away from his own purple-lipped self.

But not when it’s Ryan Braun.

Man, FUCK Ryan Braun.

I now like A-Rod better for outing that guy. There’s no worse person on Earth than someone who would stand on a pitcher’s mound and ruin the career of a pee-collector for his own personal gain. Ending the career of Ryan Braun, at all costs, should be what humanity strives for over the next decade. Screw solving global warming. Al Gore can take care of that. Let’s get Ryan Braun. And you, A-Rod, cast the first stone. You should be an example to us all. Your catcher and that guy from Baltimore were merely collateral damage– a small schoolhouse of Middle Eastern children next to a terrorist hideout. All for the greater good. I shall now hang you on my wall:

Screen Shot 2013-08-16 at 10.30.38 AM

And no, the irony of the guy who posted the Riley Cooper cell phone video defending A-Rat for helping to ruin the image of Ryan Braun is not lost on me.

*Can we find another term besides “inner circle,” America? It just seems so medieval. Like maybe a President or evil dictator can have one, but can’t an MLB player just have a posse, people or reps? That doesn’t seem like too much to ask.

12 Comments

  1. Talbot's Fucking Penis

    August 16, 2013 at 10:40 am

    “Members of A-Rod’s circle jerk”?…nice ring to it.

  2. guerrilla = gorilla :D

  3. Talbot's Fucking Penis

    August 16, 2013 at 10:50 am

    I can’t wait for the awkward A-Rod/Cervelli clubhouse reunion once all the suspensions are over.

  4. One piece of shit taddled on another piece of shit in a cowardly attempt to make himself look better? Wow, what a hero.

  5. I think Selig’s greed to nail A-Rod to the wall is gonna end up costing him, as I think he will win his appeal.
    A-Rod has never tested positive and he has never been suspended (isn’t first suspension 50 games?), so Selig nails him with 211 games?
    We all know A-Rod is a POS but Selig left this case wide open for a successful appeal.

    • I think A Rod will get suspended for impeding on the investigation and not necessarily the positive urinalysis or lack there of.

      Kyle, I didn’t care for Braun & his weasel ways but A Rod is a rat. He wasn’t being a whistle blower by outting those two guys & had no noble intentions behind his leaking of the info.

  6. Wow, you’re an idiot. This guy talks about how bad he wants to get back and help his team win, and he goes and outs the catcher and they lose him for 50 games. And you think Braun is the worse guy? You have the same love/hate man crush on Braun as you do on Carter you weirdo.

    I guess it makes sense you don’t mind A-Rod hurting his own team since your saboteur move with the RIley Cooper video. You have no spine.

  7. And a small school of Middle Eastern children…did you write this drunk?

  8. Start positing about relevant PHILADELPHIA Sports stories, maybe you have too much free time on your hands now that you aren’t double checking to make sure ‘Whirlpool’ is properly located on the fridge or AC…

    BTW Lenny Dykstra is the real piece of shit…hail Ryan Braun

  9. Sorry, Kyle, but A-Roid is still the most worthless piece of shit to ever walk the planet. Never mind dropping a dime on Ryan Braun, but he ratted on a teammate. Let me say that again in case you’re having trouble comprehending my words—-HE RATTED ON A TEAMMATE! That makes A-Roid the worst sort of scum who needs to be removed not just from baseball, but society!

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