“60 Minutes” has learned that members of New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez’s inner circle* in February obtained and leaked documents that implicated Milwaukee Brewers slugger Ryan Braun as well as his own Yankees teammate, catcher Francisco Cervelli, in the doping scandal that has enveloped Major League Baseball.
Braun and Cervelli’s names were redacted in the Miami New Times documents. Members of Rodriguez’s camp at the time obtained unredacted versions and leaked them to Yahoo! Sports, according to two sources with direct knowledge of the matter. The unredacted documents also implicated Baltimore Oriole Danny Valencia, who MLB later investigated and cleared.
I mean, sure, if it were virtually any other player in baseball he Cansecoed, I’d liken A-Rod to a gorilla falling out of a tree, determined to destroy every branch, and all life forms on them, while on his way to a crash landing below. He’d be the weasel of all weasels, twice gaming the system and now ruining profile of other cheaters to deflect criticism away from his own purple-lipped self.
But not when it’s Ryan Braun.
Man, FUCK Ryan Braun.
I now like A-Rod better for outing that guy. There’s no worse person on Earth than someone who would stand on a pitcher’s mound and ruin the career of a pee-collector for his own personal gain. Ending the career of Ryan Braun, at all costs, should be what humanity strives for over the next decade. Screw solving global warming. Al Gore can take care of that. Let’s get Ryan Braun. And you, A-Rod, cast the first stone. You should be an example to us all. Your catcher and that guy from Baltimore were merely collateral damage– a small schoolhouse of Middle Eastern children next to a terrorist hideout. All for the greater good. I shall now hang you on my wall:
And no, the irony of the guy who posted the Riley Cooper cell phone video defending A-Rat for helping to ruin the image of Ryan Braun is not lost on me.
*Can we find another term besides “inner circle,” America? It just seems so medieval. Like maybe a President or evil dictator can have one, but can’t an MLB player just have a posse, people or reps? That doesn’t seem like too much to ask.