Yesterday we did our part to try to dispel the narrative that Ben Simmons, at 19, is some kind of character disaster waiting to explode. Is he the most mature player in the world? No, he’s 19. Is he the least mature player in the world? No, he’s not Dion Waiters. But those in the know say that Simmons will succeed at the pro level, and should be receptive to coaching.

Not Angelo Cataldi, however, because he knows Simmons will be a bust. Why? Reasons:

“Ben Simmons is not going to be the next Allen Iverson. In fact, he has a much better chance of becoming the next Shawn Bradley.

How can I – hardly an expert on college basketball – be so sure of this bold forecast? After 40 years in sports media, let’s just say I have learned that disasters have a distinct pattern. Ben Simmons fits the prototype of draft busts, a gifted athlete with overpowering character flaws – far too many character flaws.”

Oh, “character flaws” you say? The ever-applicable dog whistle of whatever you want it to be? I think this guy looks lazy: Character flaws. I don’t know if he’ll be the superstar everyone else thinks he’ll be: Character flaw. I still need to shit all over something for no reason other than people hearing my voice: Character flaw.

According to Cataldi, Simmons was known to “pad his stats late in blowouts,” surely a huge problem since he’s the only player to ever do that. But Simmons’ maturity is also an issue, like “two current Sixer head cases, Joel Embiid and Jahlil Okafor.” Ah yes, despicable head case Joel Embiid, who is known to like soda. WHAT A DISASTER!

Cataldi has never met Simmons. I’m beginning to think he couldn’t pick him out of a lineup. But don’t let Brett Brown, who has known Simmons since birth, tell Cataldi what he’s like. Nope, Cataldi knows more:

“Oh, wait. Brown has met Simmons because he coached his father in Australia many years ago. Brown has already offered nothing but platitudes for the kid whose family he knows so well. He even compared Simmons to Magic Johnson last week.

Good luck with that one. Magic Johnson was more than just an exquisite collection of magnificent physical skills. He was a warrior.”

Actually, Angelo, he was a Laker. Scouts, Cataldi spittles, “can measure height, vertical leap and foot speed, but they have a much harder time with character.” True. But scouts don’t seem to think it’s a huge deal, and they still know more than Cataldi, who probably spelled Simmons’ his name with a “d” throughout his rough draft, already knows how this will go:

“Is he committed enough? Will pockets filled with money make him more determined to succeed, or even less so?

The answers to those questions should be obvious by now. The Sixers waited three years to get the best young player in America. Ben Simmons is definitely not that player.”

Will he lack commitment? Will he resort to churning out the bare minimum of effort once he’s getting paid, and embarrass everyone around him? Yes, Cataldi will continue to do so with his basketball takes.