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This was originally meant to be a simple tool to keep you updated on free agency Friday. What it became, however, was a nine hour running commentary on the biggest Flyers news days since… well, last Thursday. Here it is, written in real-time, as the craziness unfolded.

Keep it tuned here all day for updates: [last 8:33 P.M]


– Per the beat writers, the Flyers have re-signed Braydon Coburn to a two-year extension.

– According to Frank Seravalli, the Flyers have signed Michal Handzus. Numbers soon. LA Kings east!

– According to Dave Isaac, Zus' agent hasn't heard from the Flyers yet.

– According to the Daily News, Ville Leino turned down a four-year, $12 million offer from the Flyers. So, let's recap: With the extra Richards money, the Flyers have not made an offer on Stamkos and will not re-sign Leino. Cap space!

Sam Carchidi says the Flyers and Habs are last two teams standing for Jagr. What, are we only signing old guys with perms?

Craig Custance reports there's no deal between the Flyers and Handzus. Homer never pressed the X button on his PS3 controller, apparently.

– Thus far, it's been like watching a three-legged race in the Special Olympics. The beat writers take one tandem step forward, followed by an out-of-step fall on their faces.

– Things are getting chippy: 

Didn't say it happened, but close. RT @DiHSblog: @DNFlyers @AnthonySan37 @BroadStBull can you guys give a little insight on bogus 'reports'.
7/1/11 12:39 PM

– Unconfirmed: Paul Holmgren, in a drunken rage, signed the escaped Baboon from NJ. Beat writers can't confirm- Baboon's agent can't find client. Clusterfuck.

– Remember when I said – on Tuesday – that if by mid-day Friday Holmgren has yet to sign a suitable replacement for Richards, we would march with pitchforks? Well, it's 12:48. Presumed option 1, Steven Stamkos, has fallen through, Leino reportedly turned down an offer, and the Flyers have roughly $6 million in cap space. Put on your walking shoes.


– All quiet on the Western Front. The Phillies game is starting, I'm watching the Toronto feed, it's one giant ad for Canada today. No word on Jagr or Handzus.

– 1:05 P.M and Mike Richards was traded for a rookie and a buffer zone.

– David Boreanaz, who spells almost nothing right on his Twitter, is waiting with bated breath to see what Homer will do and doesn't like the reported – yet unconfirmed – Handzus rumors:

Screen shot 2011-07-01 at 1.08.44 PM
Screen shot 2011-07-01 at 1.08.44 PM

– Blackhawks sign now former-Flyer Sean O'Donnell to one-year deal.  

Holy shit! It's official, the Flyers have signed Jaromir Jagr. Oh my. If they sign 'Zus, and place him on a line with Hartnell and Jagr, we're talking a record-setting hair line. Or, as PuckDucky calls it, The Flow Line.

– As I Tweeted yesterday, Ed Snider's plane was in New York (Teterboro at least) at the same time as Jagr. Conspiracy!

Up is down, down is up. The Flyers traded Jeff Carter and Mike Richards, then signed a Russian goalie and Jaromir Jagr. I am now fully convinced that Homer is sitting pantless at his PS3, sipping Rolling Rocks and trying to glitch the system with the "override trade" option. This isn't real.

– Jagr, 39, scored 25, 22, and 19 goals, respectively, over the last three seasons playing for Omsk Avangard of the KHL. Each of those tallies came in roughly 50 game seasons.

– Per Darren Dreger, it is a $3.3 million, 1-year deal for Jagr.

– 1:34 P.M and Paul Holmgren needs a child leash.

– Jaromir Jagr has been playing hockey since before EA Sports launched their NHL series.

– I'm not even sure how to react yet. I need a minute. On one hand, Jagr has been very productive in the competitive KHL. On the other hand… Holmgren has turned Mike Richards' salary into Jaromir Jagr and Brayden Schenn. Of course, that part of it might be a positive, as well. Jagr can provide a one-year buffer zone for Schenn to reach his potential, which is supposedly equal to Richards.

– The Flyers signed Jakub Voracek to a one-year deal worth $2.25 million. Expected.

– I'm lightheaded.

Screen shot 2011-07-01 at 1.46.33 PM

Screen shot 2011-07-01 at 1.48.00 PM

– The Flyers also signed defenseman Andreas Lilja.


– Lilja's deal is for three years for $1.7 million total.

– I wonder what Mike Richards is thinking right now…

– The Flyers have signed Max Talbot to a "multi-year" contract. Awesome…

– Paul Holmgren is apparently drunk, pantless, and raiding the Penguins' bargain bin right now. Five years, $9 million for Talbot.

– I don't know what's happening anymore. This team was two bounces away from winning the Stanley Cup in 2010. Last season, they were among the best teams in hockey and a legit contender for the Cup. Injuries and chemistry issues forced them to scuffle down the stretch. Their reaction? Fuck it, let's blow up the team.

Out: Richards, Carter, Powe, Leino, Carcillo. 

In: Bryzgalov, Schenn, Voracek, Simmonds, Jagr, Talbot, Lilja.

Head, spinning.

– Boucher signed a two-year deal with Carolina. Good for him.

– via Andrew in the comments:

– T-Mac and Wheels awkwardly react to Jagr signing:


– I've spent the last 15 minutes trying to find a good analogy for what Richards and Carter are going through right now… and I think I found it.

This is exactly like having a girlfriend – nay, fiance – break up with you and then turn into the town's biggest whore. Here you are, thinking you are going to spend the rest of your life with her, and then, BOOM, she dumps your ass just before summer. You handle it in one of two ways: retreat to the beach for some partying and head-clearing fucking, or sit lakeside at a cottage in Canada, licking your wounds.

Either way, you read about her from afar. Fucking and fucking and fucking. Not just the obvious hunk (Bryzgalov), but others. Young guys. Black guys. Old guys. Max Talbot. She fucked Max Talbot, man! It's just so hard to watch. She's enjoying herself, but is this really good for her long-term? Is fucking Jagr and Talbot (Talbot?) going to get her anywhere? The only way to handle this is by drowning your sorrows at The OD.

– The Lilja terms were wrong. He is signed to a one-year, $775k contract.

– Thanks to (@brenday_j_ryan) for this. Max Talbot is epically douchey… and can replace Richie in the WG commercials.

– E-mail from reader Dan, Lilja has a bit of a history:

In 2005, Lilja, and fellow Swedish hockey players Henrik Tallinder and Kristian Huselius were investigated on suspicion of sexual exploitation. In March 2005, all three players were suspended from the Swedish national team for one year, with Huselius and Tallinder being released by Swedish club Linköping and Lilja took a break from, but was not suspended by his Swedish club Mora for the rest of the season.[3]

Initially police had dropped their investigation two days after the initial charges on February 11, 2005 when a 22-year-old woman accused the trio of raping her on February 9, because of a lack of evidence. However, a special prosecutor reopened the case in March, leading to the suspensions.[4] Lilja and the others were cleared in June of that year after a special prosecutor ruled there was no evidence they forced the woman to have sex.


– I'm still waiting for that "Cliff Lee" type move to come. Oh, wait… It's not coming? We're out of cap space? Oh, right.


– According to Carchidi, the Flyers traded Versteeg to Florida for a 2012 or 2012 second round pick and San Jose's 2012 second round pick. You think this wasn't an attitude overhaul? You're wrong. They traded the three players most known for their partying. 

It's official. Fucking Kris Versteeg

– Moving Versteeg will free up some cap space. Could this be to pay Leino???

– Never mind. According to Bob McKenzie, Leino is going to Buffalo- six years, $27 million. Wow. That's $4.5 million per year. The Flyers reportedly offered him four years, $12 million. Big difference.

– That's way too much money for Leino. He's a nice player, but not worth that kind of money, especially for that many years. Take him, Buffalo.

Of course, the entire Costa Rica Line is now gone.

– This is hockey genocide, folks. Richards, Carter, Versteeg, Leino, Carcillo- all party boys. #differentdirection

– I just realized that every player I wrote about drinking, cavorting, and having sex this season is gone. Eradicated. Wiped out. Come on, Harts, I need you to stay strong.

– It's 4:46 and I imagine that the scene right now over at The Well is like the entire movie Network. Everyone is just yelling at each other. Postive yelling, negative yelling, yelling for no reason at all. Homer is Howard Beale, drunk and screaming that he's not going to take it anymore. Luuko keeps firing him, but Snider hires him right back because he has a high Q rating.

Darren Dreger says the Flyers are in on Brad Richards. Hang on.


– Hmm.

Screen shot 2011-07-01 at 4.59.54 PM

Anthony SanFilippo asked the Flyers about Simon Gagne, John Madden, and Michal Handzus. They said "think bigger."

– Oh boy…

– Homer has gone full-on video game. Lots of chatter about the Flyers having a chance at Brad Richards. I'm not even sure how they got to this point. I swear to god if he pulls Richards out of his ass…

– Sources now tell me that Paul Holmgren is trying to "create a player." Luuko has informed him that real-life doesn't have that feature.

Carchidi says the Flyers are NOT in on Brad Richards, which backs up other reports.


– I've started drinking. I'm surprised it took this long, frankly. 

Howard Eskin says the Flyers were going for Brad Richards and the fall back plan is Simon Gagne.

Sarah Baicker is reporting a major trade rumor (which she won't mention), Eklund is reporting the Flyers could bring back Gagne. Doesn't look like they're done yet.

– It's 6:49 and the Flyers brass are still in Voorhees- not at The Well as was previously mentioned (fact). Holmgren has reached Jessie Spano I'm so excited level (speculation).


– Dan Carcillo has signed a one-year deal with the Blackhawks. Genocide continues.

– Paul Holmgren is having a conference call at 7:45. This could be it, which is good because I'm tired and starting to get drunk.

-Holmgren said they have talked to Richards' agent and Gagne's. He will stay in the office tonight. Still look around. Conference call audio coming soon.


– A source says Stamkos could be in play, too. Oh fun. Basically, Stamkos has yet to sign with Tampa, that's concerning on their part. They've had ample time to work things out and it's still not done. Tells you a lot.

– Here's the audio for Homer's conference call. That's it for this thread. Any further updates will come in a new post.