Your Drinker’s Philadelphia CB Six Pack

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Cy Young: This is like trying to choose between which son you would eat (or how does that saying go?). Cliff Lee pisses excellence on a nightly basis. For realsies, what other pitcher would just smile and say “wow” when giving up a game-tying home run with two outs in the ninth? He’s taken eight shutouts to at least that point in the game. He’s completed six of them.

Halladay, without as many gaudy outings, has been a model of consistency. His first shutout of the season – probably not coincidentally – came when he had a chance to pitch the Phillies into the playoffs. His thing went off.

Unfortunately, neither of their numbers are as good as Clayton Kershaw’s:

218 IP, 236 K, 51 BB, 2.30 ERA, 0.98 WHIP

That’s frightening.

But since we have to choose, I go Cliff Lee. No, not because he’s my favorite player, but because he’s done historical things with those six shutouts and two dominant months of June and August. When he’s on, there is no better pitcher in baseball, and that’s hard to argue. Plus, he has two home runs.

More ridiculous: Here’s the thing with Scarlett Johansson’s nude pics: they turned out exactly how you would expect leaked nude pics of ScarJo to turn out. Her bare back seductively (yet shyly) shown in a full-length mirror, and her early-morning right boob hovering lonely in a sea of blankets… You actually come away respecting her more than you did before, and the bar was already set pretty high. 

I’m not sure there’s a precedent or sports equivalent for this. The only thing I can come up with is Mitch Williams giving up the home run to Joe Carter in 1993. At first, it seemed like it would be a horrific, potentially career-ending incident. But after some time passed (albeit much more than the ScarJo pictures), the way he handled it actually helped him become more well-liked in this city. When we peeled back the curtain, we learned what we thought all along about Mitch: he was a fierce competitor and standup player, who took 100% accountability for his actions. That’s how the ScarJo pics will play out: “Wow, even her nude cell phone pics are sensual, sexy, and shot in soft lighting?! I respect her!”

All of that said, Sarah Palin fucking Glen Rice in 1987 in Alaska is about as loony as it comes. I fully expected the first example of her promiscuity to be her sleeping with Mitt Romney in an Iowa hotel room. Glen Rice? Wow. She zagged. Palin in a landslide.*

*Trust me, if somehow blurry, Spice channel-lined video of this incident comes out, don’t expect it to be anywhere near as innocent as ScarJo’s pics. If I was a betting man, I’d put my money on at least three of the following five items being present: leather, batteries, a turtle, a rifle, or the shoe laces from Rice’s size 15 Converses

Roenick: Here’s the thing with “JR” (as he calls himself): That phone call yesterday was a whole bag of crazy, but – sort of like ScarJo (dammit! there’s my sports equivalent) – while he came off as perhaps a bit of a self-obsessed lunatic, his emotion was 100% real. I believe he was mis-quoted and taken out of context. You don’t call a blogger twice (sorry, you’re not going to hear the voicemail from last night) to defend yourself if you don’t care. He cares. There’s something to be said for that. I think he made it a bigger deal than it needed to be (he could have just waited for the 12 hour sports talk cycle to pass), but he stood up for himself. I respect him for that. He was keeping it real. Really real.

Crossing Broads: I won’t factor in the Tweets from both Schwimer and his girlfriend about spelling MS’s name incorrectly (really, rookie relievers with less followers than a blogger have no room to bitch about any free pub they receive). Mayberry’s mermaid would still win. Missy Coles, Schwimer’s girlfriend, is carrying a whole bag of assets, but Antoinette Nikprelaj might be the best looking “actress” in Hollywood, even if she is married. That picture of her can’t even be beat by a topless ScarJo.

Eagles line: That line is yelling at me. Falcons a 3-point dog at home? Eagles. Eagles all the way.

More likely to happen: Bring body armor… or a shield… if you go to the Palesta. I mean, what can go wrong when you put the sports’ best and richest players in an ill-equipped arena in front of zealous fans without NBA security? 


This week’s Drinker’s challenge will take the form of our Draft Street free roll. It’s a one-week only fantasy football league. Win from $200 in cash prizes.  Free to play. Signup here.

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15 Responses

  1. they say your team’s record shouldn’t go against you in the cy young race, but i disagree in a way. kershaw hasn’t been playing for anything for months now, and lee & halladay have been in at the top of the pack fighting their hardest to stay their. they’re playing a different game.

  2. Yo, Kyle! You’re dead on right about that looming debacle with NBA stars at the Palestra. I could be armored like Iron Man and I won’t go near the place that night. That’s got catastrophe written all over it in foot high neon.

  3. did anybody notice what i noticed last night at the end of the game when it was time to shake hands???? halladay tries to shake lees hand and lee kind of shrugs him off… did halladay say something when lee gave up the homer

  4. Dwayne, what I saw was that awkward moment that we’ve all had in a congratulatory group of men where one guy ends up in no man’s land (despite being surrounded by men) looking for the hero to deliver a high five and then the hero, distracted by all the other high fives simply doesn’t notice the raised hand of his fellow steed. In the end Cliff won though, as he got a “little” pat on the back from ol’ Roy. Do you like run-on sentences…

  5. Kyle, can we get the T-Shirt Guys to create a picture of Santa wearing an JR Flyers jersey throwing Snowballs at Irving with an arrow identifying him as ‘that black guy’? Or maybe just a photoshop or something? Anyone?

  6. sounds rather involved… puck daddy pointed out that it’s just asking for a “put that on your fucking blog” shirt.

  7. Kershaw will most likely win the the pitching triple crown (one less loss than Kennedy right now but that can change). On a lousy team. No discussion. That is Cy Young or they should never give the award again.

  8. Regarding the NL Cy Young race, the media’s had a collective boner for Kershaw going back weeks now, despite the Dodgers’ crappy record. Meanwhile, Lee and Halladay could cancel each other out in the voting, and who knows where Kennedy could end up in the balloting.

  9. It’s too close to call for the Cy Young most are saying. Wait, what’s that you say??? Cy Young was a very good batter (for a pitcher) you say? Well then it’s clear i guess.
    in 2011 Cliff Lee = Cy Young

  10. I love JR. I always loved JR. I will always love JR. I still have my JR poster on my wall and I just played as JR in NHL 12 yesterday. JR is the man.

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