Screen Shot 2011-12-19 at 9.02.30 AMHow many websites do you think make this reference today? 12? A hundred? A million?!

Here are the Eagles’ playoff scenarios:

– Eagles must win-out

– Giants must lose to the Jets next week then beat the Cowboys in week 17

– Cowboys must lose final two games, by default if above two scenarios come true

Huh. It felt weird to write that, but all of a sudden it looks… realistic. 

I’m still not buying– here’s a real life explanation why:

You know when you’re in one of those dead-end relationships that is going nowhere fast? It’s lasted at least several years and despite the waning feelings, there are still a ton of emotions in play. You don’t want to end it, but you feel you have to. You feel like it’s best for both sides to just move on. But instead of being a man about it, you go the chicken shit route and “take a break,” which is the social equivalent of picking at a scab– it’s never going to go away and 99% of the time it doesn’t work out. 

The break lasts a month, or two. Sometimes there are multiple breaks, sliced up by mini reunions which are usually the result of one-too-many beers and Captain Winky temporarily gaining control of your ship. In the span of just a few weeks, your relationship fluctuates wildly, from madly-in-love to break to never talk to me again to how are your parents taking this? to I’m moving on to sobbing in the bathtub in a pool of your own urine. It’s rarely pretty.

That’s the 2011 Eagles season– wild fluctuations and pool of urine. It started out promising, there was a brief honeymoon period and on the surface everything appeared to be great. But even early on you ignored the signs of trouble, choosing instead to focus on the positives and make excuses (like, there were not OTAs) for the negatives. After a little while, though, it became obvious that there were real problems, and they quickly started to eat away at you. Before you knew it, you were in a war with yourself: do I plow ahead or cut all ties and hold out for something better? 

You go halfway– you ignore your sig other and initiate a break, of sorts. But you always, mistakingly, keep the door ajar. From afar you admire your ex's strength to plow ahead, seemingly not caring about you. They send you emails to tell you how great everything is, never once mentioning the failed relationship. A part of you is jealous– despite the problems, them not caring almost makes you want them again… want them more. Then one weekend you get drunk and let them rock your world for a few hours. Sure, it was great, but by the time it’s over and you come to your senses, you just want to call them a cab home and get on with your everyday life. Still, though, the rendezvous pushes the door open just a bit more. During the week, you entertain thoughts of getting back together, but quickly dismiss them as being nothing more than foolish holiday desires. 

Then you cave.

You invite them over for a – sober – Sunday afternoon romp in the sack… and it’s glorious. Mind-blowing, earth-bending bumping. You even bring them back to your folks’ house for dinner. It’s passed off as a we’re just complicated friends thing, but your family knows. They know they’re going to be seeing her on Christmas Eve. If even just for the holidays, you’re going to get back together despite every logical fiber telling you that’s the wrong decision.

That’s where we are with the Eagles. This isn’t going to happen. Breaks never work. There is too much hurt and too many missed opportunities to save the relationship. But, if the drunken fuck in Miami did one thing, it conjured up images of a successful, smoking hot relationship that could be. The door’s open now, wide open. You know it’s going to close again soon, but you can’t help it– it’s the holidays… is there a chance this thing could work? You know the answer is probably no. You plow ahead, anyway. You’re either going to end up a part of the lucky 1%… or, more likely, wind up Occupying NovaCare.

 

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The roundup: 

– The Phillies re-signed Jimmy Rollins. He said he accepted less money from the Phillies.

– Sean Couturier got hit in the head with a slap shot. He’s out of the hospital now.

– Claude Giroux skated yesterday! And talked about it.

– Penn State quarterback Matt McGloin was knocked out and suffered a seizure when teammate Kurtis Drake punched him in the locker room. 

– The School Philly put together a list of the top 10 post-sex touchdown celebrations… and it’s awesome. 

- EPIC video of golf cart running of high school coaches in Dallas.

– These are the sorts of emails I get from St. Joes folks when their team waxes my Wildcats: 

Hey there Crossing Broad let me just say first that I love the site and think its great how you get all the stories as they happen. I check the site multiple times a day and love the stories. However I have one problem and I wrote you before about this but you never responded, we get it that you went to nova and that's where your loyalty lies (we all make mistakes dont get me started) but I noticed that you didnt even mention the SJU Nova game last night…. but you did manage to throw a shot at SJU a few months back in an article about the Phils and Washington Nationals of all things. In case you missed it your cats got ROCKED by the best team in the city, they also lost to Temple last week but we didnt see any coverage of that either. Your site is awesome, but cmon dont be a "will sheridan" report all the news pal. and you might want to start following this hawks team, you will prob be writing about them well into march……..

 

Judging by the lack of commas and Will Sheridan-gay joke in talking about a college basketball team between a mediocre St. Joes team and an awful Villanova team, I’d say this reinforces my decision to turn down that St. Joes scholarship…. I’m kidding! Mostly. St. Joes played well and took it to Villanova, but that’s not saying much right now. Villanova is not good, and this was nothing more than a mid-level college basketball game between two non-powerhouses. St. Joes still has a lot to prove. That said, if anyone wants to send along a highlight video of all of their dunks from the game, I’ll happily amend this post. See: concession.

- Bikini at a football game.

– Juan Castillo is starting to show… results. 

– Bibi Jones hitting on Dan Patrick. NSFW photos.