Your Morning Carts: I Went to the Left Coast to Get Drunk and Bang Bitches with Mike Richards Edition!

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Oooooohmaaaahgawd
. Wet Island goes to the left coast. Look out, vaginas.

image from mobilwi.typepad.com

Jeff Carter is the gayest straight man in the world right now. He has been traded to Los Angeles, where he will join former teammate and best friend Mike Richards, who lives about 30 feet from a gorgeous beach. All west coast ladies are advised to paint a really pretty picture on their ceilings.

An email from reader Dave:

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Yeah, it's weird. Carts missed Richie. So much so, in fact, that he took a private jet to see him in Canada this summer. CSN's John Boruk explains the relationship: 

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Now, a pictorial retrospective, assembled from across the interwebtuals and previous Morning Carts posts:

Warning: Jeff Carter and Mike Richards pictorial retrospectives are best viewed while listening to Katy Perry's California Gurls. [click play]

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39 Comments

  • Schtick Coma February 23, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Wait until they discover that Richards and Carter haven’t played on the same line in years.
    In anticipation of the introduction of new venereal diseases, red tide has set in on Hermosa Beach.

    Reply
  • PhilaBCoulter February 23, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    First off, tremendous deal for Columbus.
    Over/Under between these two out in L.A. before the season ends is 27. Take the over.

    Reply
  • Andrew Mc February 23, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Pretty awesome. A Kings / Flyers SCF is all that is needed to settle this one. It is written.

    Reply
  • Jess February 23, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    I’m watching the Flyers pregame show and they announced the trade and I instantly got excited thinking about the things Kyle can write now. I haven’t been this happy hearing news about these 2 since the day they were traded.

    Reply
  • Creepy McCreeperson February 23, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    I don’t care that Katy Perry was married to Russell Brand. I would still hit that shit raw.

    Reply
  • Sanonymous February 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    I love that Lups makes an appearance as a side piece in a few of these pics.

    Reply
  • sarah h February 23, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    I hope the morning carts comes back, hopefully someone can stalk and report for us

    Reply
  • Duke February 23, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    They will definitely win many cups together, From the look of the last photo it looks like they like C Cups.
    I expect CrossingBroad to stay in full Paparazzi mode to follow the man crush and tell the LA story of these two as they rack up the points on the west coast nightlife!

    Reply
  • SD February 23, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    In a way, I have to believe they somehow planned this. Carts just had to endure a winter in Ohio. It took a toll on him, but I’m sure the idea of spending a decade in a perpetual summer is what kept him alive.

    Reply
  • Wally Joyner February 23, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    Carts & richie loved eating pussy & smoking weed

    Reply
  • Jack Auf February 24, 2012 at 12:36 am

    Problem is difference between LA and Philly is when they’re out at the clubs there and they tell the ladies who they are, the reaction will be, “haha we don’t have a hockey team in LA, so no really what do you do?”

    Reply
  • Cunt February 24, 2012 at 2:01 am

    Man…I was looking forward to hearing stories about Jeff Carter getting STDs from girls living in corn fields.

    Reply
  • The Real Tim February 24, 2012 at 2:35 am

    Jeffs slurpin up Mikeys man juices as soon as he gets off the plane

    Reply
  • Lavi's Wet Island February 24, 2012 at 3:28 am

    Over/under on number of days until they Eiffel Tower Minka Kelly?

    Reply
  • Sheilds February 24, 2012 at 4:49 am

    If the Kings think they are going to slip out of the West with this trade they are sorely mistaken. Carter is a mid-average winger at best and this is coming from a JACKASS who bought his jersey while he was in Philly. At no point in his career has he shown the potential to create for anyone which is why we dumped his awful contract. As for the Kings, why would you get rid of Jackie J for a non-impact player like Carter? johnson was your CAPTAIN and a far superior defensive player than the immature Doughty you boast currently. I can understand johnson being involved in discussions for Nash, but Carter is a whiny cry baby who shockingly got his way. I lost respect for Richards by even associating with this dick bag.

    Reply
  • Grace February 24, 2012 at 6:39 am

    Sheilds: Maybe you need to do a wikipedia check.
    Carter is a center, not a winger.
    Jack Johnson was not the Kings captain, that would be Dustin Brown.
    No comment on the rest.

    Reply
  • Tonka Whelen February 24, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Carter looks like he just snorted 2 50 bags of coke in that 1st pic where he smelling that broads hair

    Reply
  • Boris February 24, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Carter blows….this may sound cris carterish but for a “30 goal scorer” the dude either scored 2 goals a game or disappears. He is a factor for 15 maybe 20 games and hasnt performed in the playoffs- not even in jr.’s.

    Reply
  • JT February 24, 2012 at 7:51 am

    How is that loser car bomb still in the NHL

    Reply
  • Chirp February 24, 2012 at 8:22 am

    lol @ grace…this is why I shake my head sometimes when reading these posts. Come on people google is at your finger tips and you still cant get facts right…
    @Shields…Not sure how much you follow hockey but I can tell its not all that much. The Kings are 3rd best GA team in the entire NHL. They are dead last in scoring. (by 5 goals and they have played more games then the couple teams in front of them). So from an unbiased standpoint this deal is good for each team. Carter, whether we like to admit it or not, can score goals and instantly should give the Kings 30+ a year. Johnson is a young and good D man who instantly should help columbus on the defensive end (29th in NHL) and ontop of that they get a #1 pick. So Columbus does get the better of this deal but it really is a good deal for both squads…

    Reply
  • Kevin Ollie February 24, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Damn Carts…Why you never call anymore?

    Reply
  • LisaR February 24, 2012 at 9:27 am

    This smells like John Stephens had a hand in it also. Stephens likes his Phantom farm team boys and was part of the reason he couldn’t coach the Flyers…because he was to caught up in letting the bromance boys do their thing…Lavy wouldn’t take it from them. Now the Kings reunite these two? What the heck were they thinking. I think Jeff definately pull the wool over CBJ eyes and played the miserable and injured card to the fullest and knew John and Richie would push for him for the trade. Lets see LA now has the leftovers from the Flyers……Stephens, Carts, Richie, Lupel, Gagne….didn’t we try that out and how did it work. The good thing is that Stephens, Carts and Richie can fly to Sea Isle together and spend their summers laughing over the quick one they pulled on CBJ…..or…..Kings can still trade Richie….would that be a tease for Carts or what….

    Reply
  • mac February 24, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Just a couple hat wearin bros on the prowl.
    Girl with the blue eyes in two pics – very cute. Must have been a regular.

    Reply
  • LisaR February 24, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Wait…I hear Carcillo is trying the injury card and is saying he is unhappy with the Hawks….he thinks his knee might feel better if he gets traded to the Kings….what is Carts and Richie without Carcillo? Come on John Stephens get on this right away!

    Reply
  • Matt P. February 24, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Good for both teams. People crying that the Kings are making the same mistake as the Flyers fail to recognize that Philly hasn’t won anything in years because of goaltending, and that Carter fits into the Kings system a lot more smoothly than into the Blue Jackets or Flyers. All they need from Carter is that wrist shot. They don’t need him to be a two-way forward or winger as they have plenty of those. They have a deep defensive core, which admittedly got weaker with Jack Johnson leaving, but they’ve got a sick goalie in Quick.

    Reply
  • Briana February 24, 2012 at 9:44 am

    lupul isnt on the kings lisaR…….. the other ‘flyers’ would be justin williams and ron hextall

    Reply
  • Joffrey Lupul February 24, 2012 at 9:52 am

    @LisaR…I’m in Toronto now. Miss those two guys though, we had some wild threesom….I I mean times together. Thanks for keeping up with my career though.

    Reply
  • CadiLlac35 February 24, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Yay! My favorite bromance ever reunited… and it feels soooo good. Bad move for the kings… good move for bromance.

    Reply
  • DJ Joe Wow February 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Playboy mansion parties & not being noticed baby

    Reply
  • danglitis February 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

    its John Stevens… and gagne’s out there too, whether or not he knows it. im rootin for the boys. just add lupul and upshall and you got a real party

    Reply
  • Ron Hipple February 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Sex, Drugs and a side of hockey

    Reply
  • henry February 24, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    HAHAHA DUDE THE SONG MAKES THE PICTURES SO MUCH BETTER. ahohahoahoa or whatever the fuck katie perry is singing in the chorus.

    Reply
  • House February 24, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Anyone notice how Chirp tries to accuse people of not following hockey and then all he does is list stats that he looked up on the internet. Dude is clueless.
    Are you releated to Bryz?

    Reply
  • Ron Noel February 24, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Chirp would fuck anybody

    Reply
  • Joe February 25, 2012 at 2:18 am

    All these bitches are horrible to look at-waiting on more julie dorenbos pics

    Reply
  • Jrzgirl February 25, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    After seeing the picture retrospective – Yep, they share their manjuice with each other.

    Reply
  • Ben February 25, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    It really is better with California Gurlz in the background…seriously

    Reply
  • Dicky Dick February 27, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Busted.
    Cartsy handling that D Cup in the last photo is an obvious red herring. I would tend to believe the original target was Ritchies crotch area.

    Reply
  • Charlie Murphy May 13, 2013 at 3:46 am

    Hey, Shields & LisaR, how much weight did you both gain from eating all those words??…seems the only correct statement in your rant, Shields, is that you ARE a JACKASS!!!!!

    Reply
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