Your Mourning Carts: It Ends Tonight Edition

Jeff_carter_shirt
The walls start breathing

My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

-It Ends Tonight, All-American Rejects

 

It is highly recommended you listen to this song while reading and open the links in a new tabs.

I chose this song because… well, I thought Jeff would like it. The Flyers blindsided One Seven yesterday: [ESPN]

Jeff Carter on Friday was still incredibly upset about being traded, a source told ESPN.com. When the Columbus rumors first began to fly earlier this month, he met with Flyers GM Paul Holmgren and was assured not to believe those rumors. Ouch.

 

As you probably have guessed (or Tweeted me about), Jeff Carter getting traded will have major ramifications on Morning Carts (I know, I know- respect). The number of posts, and their relevance (they were relevant before?), will be significantly decreased. But fear you shant! We fully expect our swinging-dick friend to remain a fixture in Sea Isle, at least for the remainder of this year's tail season. 

However, with the knowledge of his departure, it is with gleeful sadness that we bring you this look back on over a year's worth of the drunken, bro-icing, cowboy hat wearing, jet ski riding, red fisting, puck bunny chasing goodness that is… your Morning Carts.

In "Your Morning Carts: What if Chase Was Just Like Jeff Edition?" we ponder what the world would be like if Chase Utley's rehab was similar to that of Jeff Carter's… which includes pounding beers at CBP while rocking a giant red fist and a cast.

In "Your Morning Carts: Bros Icing Bros Edition" we source web users who spotted One Seven and friends bro-icing in Sea Isle. Warning: Game 6 Stanley Cup footage.

In "Jeff Carter: Get out of My Bed" we source a beachgoer who overheard a girl crying on the beach. She was Carter'd.

In "Your Morning Carts: Beautiful Soul Edition" we find our favorite blonde forward wearing Crocs… and posing with five coeds on the beach.

In "Your Morning Carts: There is an Entire Site Dedicated to Jeff Carter's Party, and It's NOT This one" we take a look at the stalker board that tracks Jeff's every move.

In "Your Morning Carts: I Took Six Panthers to the Club Edition" we detail Jeff's post-contract celebration in which he took six Panthers to the club.

In "Your Morning Carts: Frosty Tips Edition" we find Carts wearing a cowboy hat next to two stacked cases of Miller Lite, and Carts, Leino, and Carcillo in Atlantic City.

In "Your Morning Carts: Blondes and Porn Stars Edition" we chronicle Jeff's adventures checking out blondes and club-boxing with porn stars.

In "Your Morning Carts: Hat Trick Edition" we find a Movembered Carts scoring a hat trick.

In "Your Morning Carts: I Went to Chester to See Backs, But Becks Wasn't There Edition" we find Carter, Richards, and Co. dressed to the nines in an effort to impress the elusive David Beckham.

And finally, in "Your Mid Afternoon Carts: I took Two Girls to the Liquor Store and Bought Them Mike's Hard Edition" we find Carts at the liquor store buying Mike's Hard with two girls.

It is at this point we'd ask that you get down on one knee, raise your favorite malt beverage high in the air… and chug. We remember.

 

*For realsies for a sec: Please understand that 90% of this is satire based on some recent and some not so recent pics of Carts. Glorified captions, if you will. With the exception of a few instances of frustration, most of this was meant not to kill a guy for having fun, but, rather, to have some fun with a guy who was having fun. The ridiculous antics of a twenty something millionaire living and playing in our city. 

To be honest, I feel bad for him. He liked playing here and probably expected to continue doing so for the next decade. That all changed yesterday.

Because I know these posts usually find their way back to him, I offer up this: I don't hate Jeff. In fact, I actually like him as a player. I have never met him, but, by all accounts from readers and fans (and believe me, there are many many more that were not shared), Jeff was almost always very friendly to both guys and girls alike. There's something to be said (as funny as it is) for a guy who, let's face it, is above us, yet drinks in our bars, lives in our city, vacations in our spot, and who took less money to be here long-term. And, despite the general consensus, he's also a hell of a hockey player. One that will be missed by this blogger. We wish you the best, Jeff. And don't worry, we'll be watching.

Jeff_carter_jet_ski

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20 Responses

  1. Philly will never again have 2 athletes that partied like those 2 did. They prob would have been broken up years eariler if the flyers got Kane instead of JVR.

  2. Ryan, if Iggy and Carts were traded in one day, it would have been an utter devastation to my daily life.

  3. Ah poor Laddie Boy. try to remember to keep your weeping into a clean tampon this time. “For realsies.” HAHAHAHAH.
    Frankly I’m not going to miss Morning Carts because you’ll find something just as =ally stoopid to replace it with. “Your Evening Bryz” perhaps…
    One thing, I am dissapointed that we’ll be denied a slice of the Cartering life when they do the HBO247 for the WC.

  4. Awww man! I was so crushed by these trades I forgot all about the impact this will have on 24/7. As both a Flyers fan & HBO subscriber I was really looking forward to this. Will be a lot less interesting now for sure. 🙁

  5. Fuck forgot about that hbo 24/7. Would have been great with that running crew of carts, Richards & Fingering Danny

  6. I’m going to miss carter, he was cool dude, would f any chick & get shit-faced on the reg.
    BTW Carts should fire his agent for not protecting him by putting a no trade clause in his contract before 2012. Holgram did him dirty.
    Also, U know there will be a tailgating pic of Carts & Umberger tailgating at the horseshoe next fall w some OSU co-eds

  7. The walls start breathing My minds unweaving Maybe it’s best you leave me alone. A weight is lifted On this evening I give the final blow. When darkness turns to light, It ends tonight, It ends tonight. -It Ends Tonight, All-American Rejects It is highly recommended you listen to this song while reading and open the links in a new tabs. I chose this song because… well, I thought Jeff would like it. The Flyers blindsided One Seven yesterday: [ESPN] Jeff Carter on Friday was still incredibly upset about being traded, a source told ESPN.com. When the Columbus rumors first…

  8. I will miss him. Talented player and on top of it took the time to give my little boy an autograph when we met him. Plus 24/7 is gona suck now. I’m sick over this. Thank god we still have prongs…I think.

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