The Marlins’ Ridiculous Home Run Fountain is Alive

It’s alive! The Marlins' hideous Kristin Davis vagina (NSFW!!!)-like structure is alive!

We've covered in great detail the Los Marlinos' frightening home run fountain, which resides just beyond the centerfield fence at the team’s new Miami ballpark. Now we get to see it in action… and it’s ridiculous: flipping marlins, lights, animatronic flamingos, and what appears to be a whale’s blowhole— all present to punctuate the long ball. Still clueless as to who, how, or why this seemed like a good idea, to anyone, but it's real, folks.

Side note on Los Marlinos: Two weeks ago, we posted about a terrible anthem that was passed off as an “Official Marlins Theme Song.” The Marlins told Yahoo! that the song, in all its awfulness, had no affiliation with the team. Skeptical, I reached out to the person who made the song, (pseudo)professional signer Sarah Spiegel. Her father answered (…) and told me that his daughter, a Miami area native who now lives in LA, had recorded the song as a demo, with the intent to show it off to the team once it was finished. Last week, I received a follow-up call from her agent, who somewhat angrily filleted Marlins fans for their closed-mindedness, and said that the team had, in fact, been in talks with Spiegel about using her song. The demo was posted to YouTube so it could be shown off to some famous high school composer who was featured on 60 Minutes recently (I stopped listening at this point). He was to contribute to the song before putting the final masterpiece in front of the Marlins brass.

So yeah, the Marlins may have been entertaining the idea of using this ridiculous song. Just. In. Case. You. Care.

video via Deadspin, H/T to reader Matt


19 Responses

  1. the water is def supposed to be the effect of the marlin hitting the water but it’s still about 3 seconds too early

  2. its pretty fucking retarded.
    At CBP, we have the Liberty bell which rings. Thats awesome. It relates back the city, the team, and everyone knows what it is.
    For the Marlins, this thing does not make me think of anything related to Miami or the Marlins. It looks like a giant toy that I had as a kid using magnets that dolphins would jump across, except 200 times bigger.
    Folks with the Marlins should get something that speaks to Miami’s culture. Or get a giant robotic marlin to jump and weird cuban music playing. but only that. Not a fountain and other weird stuff that doesn;t make sense. I swear their marketer is an idiot.

  3. If they want something that speaks to Miami culture, for every home run they should have Don Johnson come out, do a railroad track of cocaine, and then have him crash a Monte Carlo into a brick wall.

  4. Miami is such a terrible city, which actually makes this fountain fitting. I wish we could just sell all of south Florida to Cuba and be done with it.

  5. Man, I half expect to see James Brown pop up out of the center of that thing singing “Living in America.”

  6. As a female, I just want to say I’m pretty damn sure vaginas don’t come with neon lights and flamingos.

  7. Do they say anything other than Miami, Marlins, and We are the Miami Marlins in that song?

  8. That fountain looks like what you’d find between between Paris Hilton’s legs.

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