Bird Droppings: Stuffing the Cowboys

Photo credit: Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports
Photo credit: Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

What’s that sound? Do you hear it? It’s a funny, squeaky sound. No, no, it’s not a squirrel burrowing through your burnt-out Christmas tree— it’s the sound of Cowboys fans scurrying back into the holes from which they came.

The Cowboys were due for this. Tony Romo’s playing with half a back, Dez Bryant is a ticking time bomb, Jason Garrett has the sourpuss look of a coach who couldn’t instill confidence in an eighth grade flag football team, and the so-called ‘Boys were coming off a strange scheduling thing which took them to London, then gave them a week off, and then had them play on Sunday Night Football just four days before their biggest division matchup of the year. If sports are all about routine, the Cowboys haven’t had one in a month. It showed yesterday.

 

Mark Sanchez

The NY papers can make fun of Sanchez all they want. He is, in fact, good for one hilarious play per game. The Eagles will have to build that into their gameplan— Mark’s one ridiculous, potential game-costing gaff or throw per game. But he’s also the alpha male. I thought so earlier this season when NFL Network cameras caught him on the sideline joshing with Nick Foles. Sure, he was joking around about the now-injured quarterback’s pale skin, but Foles reacted the way the nerd who sits at the cool kids table in high school (every cool kids table has one quasi-nerd who has penetrated their ranks) reacts to such things: he smiled, sheepishly, but deep down inside realized that such comments were meant to solidify the social pecking order. We saw that behavior again yesterday when Sanchez chastised a progressively annoying Riley Cooper when Cooper questioned his QB’s instruction— “LISTEN TO ME!” Sanchez could be seen saying to Cooper. There wasn’t going to be a debate, whether Mark was right or wrong. He said it and so it goes.

You see it in post-game interviews with him. You see it on the sidelines. You see it in the huddle (when they do that sort of thing). There’s something about him that instills confidence in you (as a fan). He’s not great, by any stretch. He has a weak arm, he misses a couple of very completable passes per game, but he also moves well in the pocket, makes smart decisions when no one’s open, and has an excellent timing thing going on with Jordan Matthews. And he’s able to pick his spots running the ball. I don’t know what the Eagles are going to do when and if Foles comes back, but I’ll be real disappointed if Sanchez keeps playing at his current level and then gets benched.

 

LeSean McCoy

He’s back. He showed a patience yesterday that we haven’t seen since last season. Instead of just plunging into the line or through the sweep like an overzealous Madden player holding down the speed burst button (like he had been doing for most of the season), McCoy sized up the coverage, waited for his blocks, and slipped through holes for positive yards. That’s the McCoy of old. He ripped off some 7-10-yard runs (estimating) that would’ve been losses or no gains earlier in the season… simply because he was patient.

McCoy loves a challenge. He thinks he’s the best back in the league, and being pitted against DeMarco Murray, the actual best back in the league, had him raise his game to another level. I don’t think there’s another player that would’ve been happier with FOX’s (really boring looking) Galloping Gobbler or whatever-the-fuck award. McCoy wanted the nation to know that he thinks he’s the best. No, seriously, he told everyone about it after he mocked Dez Bryant’s touchdown celebration:

But then he picked his nose on national TV:

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And dressed like Michael Jackson after the game:

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via (@Banditmax)

So bad.

And I’m pretty sure Dez didn’t like McCoy doing his celebration:

Photo credit: Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports
Photo credit: Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

 

Tony Romo

HAHAHA. Yoooooooo— who tackled you here?

Romo

This is what happens when a meddling owner pressures his “star” quarterback into playing injured— the discomfort is so great that the said “star” quarterback becomes afraid of his own shadow… or someone else’s… or nothing at all. Basically, he just gets scared. Romo is scared.

 

Fletcher Cox

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He’s comin’ for ya!

 

Bradley Fletcher and Dez Bryant

This matchup terrified me, but to his credit, Fletcher, along with some over-the-top help, was mostly able to shutdown Bryant. Now, this may have been because Fletcher mauled Bryant when he was able to get by him – leading to Bryant calling the Eagles cheap shots – but it doesn’t matter. For once Fletcher showed some fight. Can’t complain about him… today.

 

Cole Beasley

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via (@mjmatteo13)

Is a tiny, tiny man. Maybe if he was larger than 5’8 and 180 pounds, he would’ve been able to hold onto the ball on that fumble. Poor guy, by the end of the game even Chip Kelly felt bad for him and helped him up along the sidelines:

I gotcha, little guy
I gotcha, little guy

 

Darren Sproles

Here’s a long-ass feature story on him by SB Nation.

 

DeMarco Murray

That dude doesn’t break tackles, he doesn’t elude them… he just slips through them. He’ll look like he’s wrapped up at the line of scrimmage and then next thing you know he’s falling forward eight yards ahead for a near-first down. I can’t remember the last time I saw a player with the ability to consistently gain positive yards without barreling people over or running by them. It’s like there’s a glitch in the game when he has the ball.

 

The real cheap shot

Sitting around family, watching this play: “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” I looked around, slowly, realizing that I wasn’t watching in the solitude of my own living room.

 

Pure class

Cowboys fans are just the worst:

Voila_Capture 2014-11-28_09-58-47_AM Voila_Capture 2014-11-28_09-59-41_AM Voila_Capture 2014-11-28_09-59-32_AM

 

NY Daily News

Careful, these two covers (yesterday and today) might give you whiplash:

IMG_0306.JPG Voila_Capture 2014-11-28_08-46-36_AM

 

Riley Cooper

The Cooper image saving tour lasted exactly 16 months. He’s been redeemed (hallelujah!)  and now back to being his old dickhead self. First there were the (supposedly joking but weird) comments about Jeremy Maclin and his immunity to subbing, and now Cooper screaming at his quarterback on the line of scrimmage like a mad man. I was amazed that you could actually hear him yelling. I thought, “Man, I’ve never heard a redneck get so angry over something so small”… but then I remembered Cooper yelling racial slurs and challenging people to fights at the Kenny Chesney concert last summer. Of course, we could look past this if Cooper didn’t drop one easily catchable ball per game.

Coop’s not a good receiver. He’s replacement level. But, his blocking makes him worth keeping around. He does a nice job of locking down the corner on sweeps and screen passes.

 

Taylor Swift

Voila_Capture 2014-11-28_09-40-57_AM Voila_Capture 2014-11-28_09-39-21_AM

I truly do respect the Eagles’ embracing of Taylor Swift here. Bonus points for the Lincoln Financial Field Twitter person following up with a link to (sold out?) tickets.

 

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CROSSINGBLACKFRIDAY570W

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More

Marky and the Jets:

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Screen Shot 2014-11-27 at 9.29.34 PM

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USA Today discovered that the Eagles aren’t technically undefeated on Thanksgiving since in 1940 Pennsylvania celebrated Thanksgiving on a different day than a lot of the country and shit was weird. Blame FDR.

Nick Foles could be out even longer than expected, up to 8-10 weeks, which puts him on pace with the amount of time missed by Aaron Rodgers last year for his clavicle injury.

Hey guys, don’t headbutt helmet-less teammates. It’s not nice.

Mark Sanchez said of his “dustup” with Riley Cooper:

“We’re a family and families get heated and get upset and that’s the way it goes. Both of us had something to say, we said it and that was it.”

Jim: The consensus among my turkey-high family was that Sanchez just pegged the ball at Cooper on the next play to prove a point.

LeSean McCoy is less than 50 yards away from becoming the Eagles all-time rushing leader, and he’s probably younger than you.

Reuben Frank’s ten observations turned into eleven with a bonus thought: ” I didn’t want to waste one of the 10 usual spots on this, but my goodness that Pitbull halftime show was an embarrassment.”

The Eagles strategy of wearing down the Cowboys’ (and everyone’s) defense worked out pretty well, according to Cowboys blog “Blogging the Boys” (ugh):

6.2: Yards per play given up by the Cowboys. This correlates roughly to their season average. The takeaway here is that the Cowboys defense didn’t necessarily play any worse than they have in any other game this year, or on the season as a whole, but that they were on the field for too many plays. To wit:

75: The Eagles total plays from scrimmage, tying a season-high, one more than the Giants ran the previous Sunday. There are two issues here; the first is that the undermanned Cowboys D played 149 plays in four days. If they were to have a realistic shot of competing against the Eagles, they probably needed to limit the Giants to about 55 plays, and then keep Philly in the mid 60s.

And a classy move from the Cowboys social media team, even with Brad Smith front and center:

Screen Shot 2014-11-28 at 10.09.58 AM

 

Birds

Voila_Capture 2014-11-28_09-38-49_AM
via (@NotEdKaul)

That it is, Edward. That it is indeed.

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18 Responses

  1. I love how you loser eagle fans act like you won the Super Bowl after one regular season game. This is why you low life’s have ZERO rings.
    Hahaha. How many rings the Cowboys got? You can’t even count that high. Hahaha.
    White trash eagle fans.

    1. Nice try. If you’re gonna steal my handle, at least come up with something’s original.

    2. dude you’re so against the grain bro!! fuck being like everyone else man. you’re an individual! you can root for whoever you want man

  2. “makes smart decisions when no one’s open,”

    Is 8 tds and 6 int a stat line of a qb that makes smart decisions.

    Sanchez is a good back up qb period. I think most high school qbs could of won the game with that game plan chip had yesterday, that’s where all this praise Sanchez is getting Shoukd be going

  3. Riley Cooper ? yaps and drops passes.
    Jordan Matthews is coming on.
    Sanchez reminds me of Jim McMahon….nuthin fancy, but a leader.

  4. Who is the ass clown in a previous post that said the Eagles are the second best team in the NFC? They got destroyed by Green Bay, and they lost to Arizona, who also has a better record then them. But I guess in the eyes of delusional Eagles fans, that means that the Eagles are better then Arizona?

    I can’t wait for them to get destroyed by Seattle next week, just like they did the last two times they played championship caliber teams (Green Bay and Denver when they gave up a combined 105 points). Then the loser Eagles fans will be bitching (rightfully so) about how Chip Kelly can’t beat any good teams. Then they will win 2 of 3 or all 3 of their remaining games against the weak ass NFC East and all of a sudden this will be their year. Too bad they won’t be facing Tennesse, Jacksonville, Houston or the Redskins in the playoffs. And no I’m not a cowboys fan. Non cowboy fans realize the Eagles are pathetic too. 0-48

      1. I root for whoever is playing the Eagles. And in the last 48 seasons, I’ve never been let down.

        1. I’m rooting for you getting an terminal illness, and I’m not an Eagles fan, I just root against you breathing.

          1. It’s “a terminal illness”. “An” is only used when the next word begins with a vowel, which “terminal” clearly doesn’t.

          1. Don’t worry about me. I am reality. I use that name because ‘fact’ is used too much. I spend a lot do days just posting nonsense. I have no life at all. FACT! Err.. I mean REALITY! I spend days being white trash while calling others white trash.

            I am an Internet gash!

Comments are closed.