The Phillies Are the Only Local Major Pro Team Not Present at the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference

I don't know what I'm doing!
I don’t know what I’m doing!

Congratulations to the Phillies, the most analytically-challenged team in sports, owners of a new computer, who are once again absent from the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference– the preeminent sports analytics gathering on this planet we call Earth. They are the only one of the four major Philly sports teams not present, according to Derek Bodner, who says even Drexel, Pepperdine and Etsy(!!!) have represents there.

Of course, the last time the Phillies attended an analytics conference (that we’re aware of), in 2013, they sent three representatives to the Philly SABR convention— David Montgomery, Gary Matthews and Brad Lidge. It was there that Montgomery talked about “character.” A few months later the team signed Marlon Byrd.

UPDATE: To clarify the headline, which may have been misleading, the Union aren’t present either. I still don’t count them as a major local pro team. Sorry.

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50 Responses

  1. hey, dickhole – they bought a computer. what the fuck else do you want? you people are never happy.

  2. The Union averaged 17,600 fans last year. The Sixers are barely averaging 14,000 this year. Some of the top players in the world are starting to leave Europe to come play in MLS. Stop pretending it’s not a major sport just because you don’t like it.

    1. I went to the world championship disc golf tourntment like 6 years ago and there were over 20k people there.

      this makes it a major sport right?

      The womens NCAA volleyball champioship averaged more viewers than a Union game.

      does that make it a major US sport?

      the answer is and always will be NO.
      soccer is dumb and will never be a major sport in the US. Just becuase I can go to the philly zoo with a couple thousand other people and watch an elephant take a dump, doesn’t validate that it is now a major sport in the US.

    2. “Some of the top players in the world are starting to leave Europe to come play in MLS”

      You must have a very loose definition of “top players.” The ones coming here are washed up former good to great players who are looking for a nice easy paycheck before they retire. Villa, Gerard, Kaka, Lampard. Yeah maybe those guys were top players 5-7 years ago.

  3. Personally I think the Phillies could use a good utility infielder with some opposite field power. You know, someone who could really tear my asshole in two.

  4. I really need a raise. Every 40 minutes Josh innis takes a 10 pound dump that fills the whole bowl and won’t flush. By the time I finish cleaning his first dump, there he is again with his second dump and so on and so on. You would think that someone who dumps that much would be thin… I guess he just eats way more than he can dump.

  5. “The only ANAL I know is the ass jamming that I am giving the fans this year”–RAJ
    Fuck off Rube and fuck that big piece of monkey shit KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK machine and hiw wh0re white wife.

  6. The Phillies are such a trash organization. It’s run by a bunch of old guys who think it’s still 1975. They struck gold with a crop of prospects who all were really good during the same period of time, yet brought two of them up (Howard and Utley) far too late in their career, thus squandering several good years of productivity. It will be another generation, or two, or three (or more), before the stars align again for the Phillies again because they obviously are clueless when it comes to building a team. Minor league system has been a laughing-stock for years and the idiots in the front office have no clue when/how to bring up the talent they may have into the major league. The Phillies not appearing at this analytics conference is just another example of their complete and utter ineptitude.

  7. I can’t believe the Union didn’t show up. How much longer will the people in charge let us down? People are starting to get their ironic mustaches in a serious twist over this tom foolery. DOOP!

  8. Why do they need to learn about stats? Isn’t that what Rube’s new computer is for?

    This is a prime FVCKING example of why this dude needs to be fired. Now. Not later.

  9. Giants World Series Wins Last 5 Years 3

    Phillies World Series Wins Last 132 Years 2

    The tradition continues with the old farts running the team and an outclassed and clueless GM.

  10. Someone ask Ruben who his RH power bat will be this year, no wait who his RH bat at all will be…no wait who his power bat will be???

    What a joke

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