Ruben Amaro Will Not Only Coach First Base For The Red Sox, He’ll Also Pitch Batting Practice

"BOTH HANDS! I CAN DO IT WITH BOTH HANDS!" Photo credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

This is too great.

Jon Morosi reports that Ruben Amaro is ambidextrous (two hands with which to stroke himself for being amazing and great at life, I guess) and will pitch batting practice for the Red Sox both right- and left-handed.

Amaro today told reporters that he’s had an itch, or a rash. Something:

“I guess it is unusual,’’ Amaro said in a conference call Monday, “but for me, I’ve always had kind of an itch to be back on the field.’’

“A whole slew of people,’’ he said. “At the end of the day, I felt like this opportunity doesn’t arrive all that often. I’ve been thinking about getting back on the field in some capacity. My current goal is to help the Red Sox get to be where they need to be.’’

Red Sox manager John Farrell, a former teammate of Amaro’s, reached out to Amaro after reading a story about how he wanted to become a manager (probably this one). Amaro called him back the next morning and, I can only imagine, pleaded for the job by offering to coach first, throw BP, carry the ball bucket, bring the orange wedges, whatever it takes, Skip!

Rube said he bounced his decision off Terry Francona, Pat Gillick and Ed Wade. Of course he did.

Side note: Delicious turn of events here. Rube once lowballed Davey Lopes, which led to Lopes leaving. And he was also sued by former Phils BP pitcher Ali Modami for defamation. The karma backwash should be fun to watch here. [Oddly, if you do a little digging on that Rube-Lopes feud, it seems to stem from Lopes going off-script, in 2010, and saying Chase Utley had a knee injury. Amaro vehemely denied it. Turns out Lopes was the oracle.]

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17 Responses

    1. I told you to keep your fuckin mouth shut whore. Youre getting the rod when I get back from motorboating the Cuz’s scrotum.

  1. I would love to beat Ruben to a pulp with a baseball bat for what he did to the Phils. I miss those red Octobers & drinking

  2. Remember when I told Josh Innes’ ratings were in the toilet?


    His ratings SUCK. He is getting bead by Miss. You fat slob.

    1. You do realize that advertisers don’t pay top dollar for streaming ratings right? You also read that Innes beat Missanelli in the Arbitron ratings….again…which bring in REAL advertising dollars right? The dude is a loser and most likely flames out within a few yrs but know this, he is beating Missanelli in the ratings that matter.

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  5. Do the ratings include the inpatient mental treatment facilities where they apparently leave Angelo on all day? They should because it’s most of his callers.

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