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How Much Vacation Time Do Europeans Get That They Can Attend All These World Cup Games? We Gotta Get in on That
By Matt Schultz
Published:
From where I’m sitting, the World Cup has been a huge success. Every game is packed. The crowds are going nuts. International tourists have been loving America, and America has loved watching them interact with American culture. The vibes are through the roof. I haven’t had a single bad thing to say about it. In fact, I’ve argued that this World Cup should keep on going forever because it’s been so fun.
Then I saw this tweet… And I got slightly pissed…
This is true. What the hell? How have I not noticed this until now? How have we all not been mad about this the whole time? How are all these people able to come to these games? How much vacation do Europeans get? It feels like these guys have already been here for two months. Do they get more than two months of vacation? What kinds of jobs do they have? Are they working remote? It doesn’t seem like they’re working remote. These Europeans seem very present at these games. No one’s checking their phones. No one’s looking at emails. I doubt they have their phones on loud in case their bosses call, and even if they did, there’s no way they’d hear it over this loud-seeming, rowing-type thing they like to do:
And when they’re not at games, they’re not checking their inboxes. They’re not hopping on Zooms. We know what they’re doing. Every day we see new videos of them going buckwild over free soda refills. This is all they’re up to:
On today’s episode of, “The European mind cannot comprehend this”….. pic.twitter.com/WzxztuUitt
— CCP IS ASSHOE (@CCPISASSH0E) June 11, 2026
How is this happening? How much money are these tourists spending on this months-long soccer-and-soda dream they’re living? A lot of these fans are traveling to multiple cities. They’re gallivanting all over the United States, doing rowing-type celebrations, watching bad MLB teams in their free time, drinking soda refills until their teeth fall out. How long did they save up for this? Did they have to take out loans? Did they have to write “soccer/soda” on their PTO requests? Aren’t World Cup tickets thousands of dollars each? They’re saving some money on the free sofa refills, sure, but these trips have to be costing these people, what, ten thousand dollars? Twenty thousand? More?
These questions have stirred many different emotions in me.
First, I was awed: “I can’t believe they get to live this way… They are living the perfect life… That is exactly how life on earth should be all the time… They’re really doing it…”
Then, I was overcome with jealous rage: “Why should they get to live that way, and not us? It’s not right… I like soccer… It’s our soda… Let’s not forget whose soda it is… And we’re giving it all away…”
Then, finally, I landed on determination: “We as Americans must learn from our European visitors. They clearly have it all figured out. I’m at work right now writing this blog… But I should be out there doing this sort of stuff, the way nature intended –”
We must fix this, America. We can do it. We gotta roll up our sleeves and figure this out. I’m not saying right now. I don’t have any ideas right now and I don’t have time to brainstorm. I’m currently at work. I have a lot of work to do…
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com