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Who is Going Out of Their Way to Buy the S’Mores Quesadilla at a Phillies Game?

Kyle Pagan

By Kyle Pagan

Published:

Photo: Aramark.com

Aramark released their new food items for the 2025 Phillies season. You can get Kyle’s cutlet (thank you Aramark), an affogato, and a s’mores quesadilla. The cutlet makes sense and a portion of the proceeds go to charity, but who the hell is buying the s’mores quesadilla and a fucking affogato?

Every year I look at the new Phillies food items like I do the insane Phillies baseball caps that New Era releases. Who the hell is buying this? I’ve had a theory since Aramark tried to sell the Slim Chicken 2.0 monstrosity that they don’t actually put half these things on the menu. This is all just a marketing ploy. You can’t convince me one Eagles fan bought a Frosted Flakes, Cooper Sharp cheese, honey glazed bacon, cherry jam, and ghost chili sandwich between two apple fritters during a commercial break. Don’t you think if someone actually bought it we’d see proof. I’m gonna need Aramark’s bottom line from the 2022-23 season to see how many Slim Chickens they moved.

I think I’m similar to the common Phillies fan. When I go to a game it’s a beer and a dog. Maybe I’ll do a sausage, pepper, and onions or a cheesesteak. I’ll get some CrabFries and if I have enough room I’ll polish it off with an ice cream helmet. The data supports that Phils fans are playing the hits:

Nobody is buying s’mores quesadillas and affogatos. If one of my buddies told me he was going to get an affogato he wouldn’t be my buddy anymore. By the time he came back I would’ve been gone and his number would’ve been blocked. How am I supposed to watch Zack Wheeler shove while he’s slurping his espresso next to my ear in between pitches with his pinky up? Get out of here.

Phillies fans are a simple bunch. Give us anything in bat form and something we can chug and we’re happy. Beer bats are back this year, but where is our popcorn bat?

We want our very own BORG like the Mets are getting:

Enough of the try hard combos. We want to get drunk, have some dogs, and watch baseball. If you buy the s’mores quesadilla you should have to show your weed stash at purchase.

Kyle Pagan
Kyle Pagan

Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com

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