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The Spurs Saved Us From What Would’ve Been an All-Time Flop-Fest Finals
By Matt Schultz
Published:
The Spurs and Knicks will meet in the 2026 NBA Finals starting on Wednesday, and I, for one, couldn’t be more pumped about it. This San Antonio team has become one of my all-time favorite non-Philly teams, and as I’ve written about quite a few times on this website, I’ve grown to really hate the Knicks. This matchup has gifted me (and fellow Pure, Ethical Hoopers everywhere) with a real rooting interest, which truly rules. That doesn’t always happen. Sometimes the last two teams standing are squads you truly don’t give a rat’s ass about, and it makes for a pretty boring watch. See the 2021 Finals, for example. Bucks vs. Suns. Who cared? Did anyone care? I know I didn’t care. I spent the whole series trying to figure out who I wanted to see win, and by the time I landed on the Suns (“Chris Paul is cool, he gets a bad rap, he should get a ring…”) the Finals were over. My team lost. And I still didn’t care.
But this year is different. This year we get to see Victor Wembanyama on the biggest stage. We can hope that this giant, one-man spectacle/alien rips out the hearts of Knicks fans everywhere. We get to know that at any time, there’s a real possibility Wemby could swat a Jalen Brunson floater 200 mph directly into Ben Stiller’s Adam’s apple. Getting this Finals matchup is a special thing, and we shouldn’t take it for granted.
In my opinion, what’s even better than what we do get is what we won’t get: By winning Game 7 on Saturday night, San Antonio saved every one of us from an OKC/Knicks Finals matchup, which would have been an all-time flop-fest Finals.
From the moment the Knicks finished their sweep of the Cavs, I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit worrying about the possibility of a NYC/OKC matchup. I was terrified. I lost sleep. The thought of it was truly gut-wrenching: Both squads are led by truly iconic, all-time, Mount Rushmore floppers in Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Jalen Brunson. Having to watch these two corny, unethical hoopers go tit-for-tat with head snaps and unnecessary falls for as many as seven games would’ve been absolute, utter hell. Picture it. Go ahead, really think about it for a moment. About what this matchup would’ve meant, practically, in your life. Imagine working a long day, running errands, taking care of your kids, walking the dog, doing dishes, etc., etc., etc., Then nighttime finally rolls around. Nighttime is your time. You pour yourself a little bowl of Pop Corners. You crack open an ice-cold Wegmans lemon-lime sparkling water. You plop onto the couch. You flip on ABC. You finally made it to the best part of your day… Mike Breen welcomes you home… Then you have to watch 200 possessions of this shit back and forth:
A devastating thought. So thank you, San Antonio and Wemby, for saving us all. Please destroy the Knicks in 4.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)