I Know This Will Be Hard to Believe, But Marcus Hayes Thinks the Eagles Might Be Even Better with a Healthy Michael Vick

Kyle Scott —  December 6, 2013 — 36 Comments

Screen Shot 2013-09-06 at 8.47.19 AMI’ve kind of been just staring at this article in befuddled amazement. It’s so blatantly obvious to anyone on Earth watching that Nick Foles is a significantly better quarterback than Michael Vick. Sure, you can’t argue that Vick is a better athlete and, in short bursts, can look like one of the best to ever play the game. But he’s woefully inconsistent, a constant injury risk, and a turnover machine who makes way too many mistakes for a veteran quarterback. And, you know, all Foles has done since Vick went out with an injury is become the best quarterback in the NFL.

The Eagles were 1-3 through the first four games of the season – Vick’s full games – and are 6-2 since. Yet, in making his case that the Eagles, despite their success of late, still miss both Vick and Jeremy Maclin (no argument on the latter), Marcus Hayes writes these words, in this particular order:

Still, this question is intriguing: As potent as the offense has been, where might the Eagles be with Vick and Maclin?

Maybe inside the playoff picture, looking in, instead of just outside.

Maybe 8-4 or 9-3 instead of 7-5.

Maybe 4-1 in the division instead of 3-2; their home loss to the Giants was abysmal.

Vick, behind a sporadic offensive line, carried the offense in the first two games.

Foles, behind a much better assemblage, has pushed the attack ahead.

You know, I wouldn’t be so quick to call Marcus Hayes “a racist” if he didn’t always hate the white guy. Foles and Riley Cooper (whose likeness I imagine is emblazoned on a dartboard somewhere in Hayes’ home) have formed a very good tandem and, as Hayes points out, Cooper is on pace to have a season as good as any of Maclin’s. Sure, having more depth at wide receiver certainly wouldn’t hurt the Eagles, and perhaps they would have an extra win or two with a healthy Maclin, but to couch that argument around Vick, when Foles is beating the world and eating its babies, is completely laughable.

Hayes justifies his silliness by saying that the Eagles finally have a healthy (and effective) offensive line, which gives Foles time in the pocket. What if Vick were afforded the same opportunity?, Marcus asks. But that’s crazy. Throughout his career, Vick has been prone to dumb mistakes. He’s just… not a great quarterback. Fun, athletic, talented– yes. Not a great quarterback. We don’t need a larger sample size. We got it already. He’s inconsistent and not really that good.

But of course Marcus Hayes would argue that the Eagles would be in a better place with him. Of course he would.

Meanwhile, Hayes’ Daily News colleague, Les Bowen, told us more about Foles in three paragraphs yesterday than we’ve learned in two years:

“He likes technology,” said practice-squad QB G.J. Kinne, who lived with Foles for a few months when Kinne first came to the Eagles. “Computers, gadgets, phones, he’s got the new watch that hooks up to your phone . . . In the offseason, he likes to bike and hike and do a lot of nature stuff.”

There is a long-term girlfriend, Tori Moore, a former Arizona volleyball player who works for Nike in Oregon (yes, Chip Kelly irony noted). She is the sister of former Browns tight end Evan Moore, who was briefly an Eagle last season.

Nick’s dad, Larry, the self-made multimillionaire, Austin, Texas, restaurateur, accidentally revealed a few details about her last week and then asked a reporter not to print them, fearing Nick would object. Nick Foles said yesterday she will be moving here.

This would be his girlfriend, who… kind of looks like him?

Voila_Capture757

 

H/T to reader Andy and (@Banditmax)

Kyle Scott

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36 responses to I Know This Will Be Hard to Believe, But Marcus Hayes Thinks the Eagles Might Be Even Better with a Healthy Michael Vick

  1. This chode should write for Jezebel.

  2. HEY KYLE

    With you posting a picture of everybody’s girlfriend and rumored hook up…I think you should post a picture of your girlfriend and let us see what you’re working with.

    But most importantly, I think Ms. CB should be the beverage cart girl for the golf tournament in the Spring.

  3. I don’t understand how the racist cow still gets paid to write/comment on/think about Philadelphia Sports. It’s embarassing.

  4. haha nevermind I googled her, scratch the beverage cart girl idea.

  5. hahaha Kyle just kidding, the pic of you two with the dolphin is so precious though!

  6. Marcus Hayes is to the Philadelphia sports media what Jemelle Hill is to ESPN…A racist, moronic, talentless, douche canoe whose only purpose is to make people angry for reads/page views. Literally everytime he says anything, he embarrasses himself and his employer.

    #FireRube

    FACE

    • did you see her analysis of the jameis Winston case yesterday on sc…..she brought up the fact that she was raped at a young age (I hope it was forced anal).

      • LOL…No I didn’t see that but I can imagine. She’s the worst.

      • I can’t stand Jemelle Hill. The only time I have seen her is when she fills in on the Greeny and Golic trainwreck. She has this strange obsession with t shirts, some sort of crutch for attention i guess. The sooner they pull the plug on her the better, she is better suited for a fast food job.

  7. I love how Philly.com tries to spin the headline to say that his article is about how “they haven’t been missed”, when it’s clearly about how Vick and Maclin lead them to record years in the past and they would be doing better if Vick was playing now.

  8. Blatantly obvious? Using two words that mean the same thing in succession doesn’t serve to embellish the meaning of either word. Your fifth grade grammar teacher would be embarrassed.

    • You are wrong. And you’re an idiot. “Obvious” and “blatantly obvious” are two different things. Like when you tried wanted to hump your cousin and just flirted with her to get there, that’s being obvious. Now if you came out and said “let’s go fuck cuz!” well now that’s being blatantly obvious. Grammar police are soooo very annoying on open blogs, and to not know what you’re talking about while doing it? Well, that’s just plain retarded and annoying all wrapped up in one.

  9. This guy is a professional troll. And while I appreciate you calling him on his sh!t, this article will inevitable lead to more eyeballs on the slop that he wrote.

  10. Well, at least Hayes remains consistent when it comes to being a pompous, race baiting douchebag. To expect anything different from him would be like Miley Cyrus deciding to give up twerking and become a nun. Move along, nothing more to see here.

  11. I bet even Mike Vick read that article and just shook his head in disbelief.

    The only two people in North America who believe this nonsense are both named Marcus (i.e. Hayes & Vick).

  12. Anyone else notice that the title of the article (no doubt supplied by the editor) didn’t exactly fit the content?

    The title is “Eagles Flying High without Vick and Maclin.”

    The article makes it sound more like the Eagles were being hindered by their absence.

    (I do think Maclin would have made the offense even more explosive.)

  13. /Maybe inside the playoff picture, looking in, instead of just outside.///

    Yeah and Maybe a monkey will fly out of my ass, Marcus.

  14. Hmm… well for December at least, the stupidest assessment of the Eagles quarterback situation by a guy named Marcus isn’t from Marcus Vick.

  15. So many talented, unemployed people in this country, yet this asshat still manages to keep a job.

  16. Marcus Hayes makes the pharmacist remove the cotton from the bottles of his prescriptions and over the counter pills before purchasing them. Fact.

  17. ITS FRIDAY BITCHES December 6, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    well i like sugar and i like tea,
    but i dont like (n-words) no-sir-eeeee.

  18. I bet Marcus Vick actually writes all of these Marcus Hayes pieces, and Hayes just translates them from Ebonics into what is a somewhat discernible form of English. Since Hayes is half and half he can speak both, but neither that well.

  19. Nelson Mandela’s Ghost December 6, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    What an idiot. He should stick to favoriting bukkake porn on Twitter and claiming he was hacked later. This smug fuck needs a recorded Worldstar beating in the worst way, the kind where people piss on his face after he’s knocked out.

  20. She looks like Maureen Ponderosa

  21. All of your race accusations are outlandish, considering Mr. Hayes is married to a white woman.

  22. Marcus Hayes is to sports journalism what Von Hayes is to sports journalism.

  23. Wait wait wait, that’s really Marcus Hayes’ squeeze? She’s a smoke, and I find that someone impressive and this makes me angry at the world.

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