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Noted dickbag Jonathan Paplebon blew a 4-1 lead in the ninth and allowed the eventual winning run to score on a wild pitch. Though Papelbon has been outstanding this season, he was booed off the mound for the effort, at which point he grabbed his crotch in the general direction of the crowd and the numerous kids sitting in the first few rows, and then was kicked out of the game by Joe West before charging out of the dugout, bumping West, and being shoved aside by the fat-assed umpire. How’s that for a run-on sentence?

http://vimeo.com/106129146

As easy as it is to dislike Papelbon, he seems to always pick fights with jackasses of equal or greater value, making it hard to root against him. First Howard Eskin, now West. The latter says he ejected Papelbon for the crotch grab. Papelbon, of course, denies its intention, telling reporters after the game, via (@KevinCooney): “By no means was I directing anything at any fans. I have a four- and five-year-old son and daughter. I am not out here doing inappropriate things.”

Ah yes, the classic I have kids defense, because no athlete with children would ever dare do something inappropriate… like fart on reporters.

Papelbon also noted that he may file a complaint with the league over West’s contact. And that should be fun.

Gotta lova Michael Jack’s sheepish description of the incident at the end of the video. For those who don’t know it out there, baseball players wear kind of a jock strap and a cup, and there is a lot going on down there.

Fun Phillies season, this is.

UPDATE: Here’s how he explained it:

“I had to make an adjustment and I did it. I don’t even hear the fans out here. When I’m out there and I’m in the moment, the fans are irrelevant to me. I don’t even see them, I don’t even hear them.”

Which makes a nice juxtaposition with this quote from July, under CSN’s headline, Jonathan Papelbon hears your boos and loves them:

“I enjoy it,” he said. “I just think that it’s fun. It just brings a little bit of energy and life to the park and gives me a little bit of something to look forward to do every day.”

Papelbon regretted that only half the ballpark booed him.

“I heard some of them,” he said. “But that’s it? Maybe we can get the whole park going here soon.”

Here’s the glorious, hi-res photo of Papelbon grabbing his dick.