If you’ve heard Lenny Dykstra speak at any time over the last 10 years – like, say, at the Roast of Lenny Dykstra and Mitch Williams, coming exclusively to Crossing Broad – you’d be forgiven for assuming that he already had some kind of brain damage. Lenny’s never been the most articulate, quick-witted, or sharp person around. And with his claims that the time he spent in prison was because he was a “fall guy” and “knew too much,” Nails might not have the greatest recollection of events either. He’s also an incredible douche and diva.

So forgive me for not immediately hopping on the “Lenny was victimized” train when he claims that Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies slammed his head against a wall, unprovoked, and caused brain damage, while he was serving time for Grand Theft Auto. Dykstra also claims “one of the deputies whistled “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” while beating him,” because they’re Die Hard villains apparently.

Nails is seeking $15 million in damages because he, just now, fears his “head is not entirely well.” Maybe he’s also looking at more legal ways to get a whole bunch of money, after the old ways got him slammed into walls.