Your Friday Morning Roundup: Best Quote Ever, Curt Schilling Selling Everything, Paul Holmgren Torched, Ryan Howard Moving to 1706 Rittenhouse, Marcus Vick

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For some reason, LeBron instantly grammed a picture of himself wearing a Donovan McNabb jersey

A few bits I didn’t get to this week.

When Tomas Hertl’s fourth goal for the Sharks Tuesday was of the in-between-the-legs variety, I thought to myself: Self, that dude is going to get his eye sockets knocked in if he tries that again.

The first time is aw look at that 19-year-old being good and naive… the second time is, quite possibly, death.

One reporter asked Hertl’s teammates about it, and the response they got from Joe Thornton is the greatest sports quote of all-time:

Hearing a question to Marleau about Hertl and whether he was showboating, Thornton said:

“Shut up, have you ever played the game?”

When the press turned his way, he then added:

“I’d have my cock out if I scored four goals. I’d have my cock out, stroking it.”

Curt Schilling is selling everything. Schil, whose 38 Studios went under and basically ripped off the entire state of Rhode Island a couple of years ago, is holding an auction for everything in his Medfield, MA* house:

Yes, we are pleased to announce the estate sale of the residence of Mr. Curt Schilling of the Boston Red Sox. No, the bloody sock is not for sale, but exquisite furniture, decor and other home furnishings will all be for sale. What a wonderful opportunity, and we are truly pleased to bring you this exceptional estate sale that will knock your Sox off! This is a gorgeous 7 bedroom 8000 square foot home that is offering a great variety of items. To name several of the items … gorgeous cement entry table, china cabinet, large custom 13 foot dining table & ten chairs, Tiffany & Waterford crystal pieces, Lladro figurines, two matching custom sofas, sofa tables, coffee table, Kohler & Campbell baby grand piano, home decor & accents, mirrors, faux plants, floor lamp, mantle clock, floor & table lamps, glassware, Pottery Barn dish set, microwave, linens, accent pillows, set of four porch rockers, Catnapper power lift chair, artwork, set of three bar stools, Holiday decor, Pottery Barn bunk beds, LOTS of toys & games, electronics, clothing, DVDs & books, drum set, The Bambini zamboni, white double Pottery Barn bedroom set, Craftsman tractor entitled “The Ice Mower”, Hummer golf cart, baseball glove chair, marble top pedestal sink, billiard table, pinball & arcade games, ping pong table, tools, various sporting equipment, matching sofas & club chairs from the home theater, Studio 38 drafting table, lots of costumes just in time for Halloween … and so much more to be unpacked! Due to the large quantity of items, the sale hours have been extended from our usual to 8-4:00pm! This is one you DO NOT want to miss!!

The auction is tomorrow.

*I dated a girl in college who lived in Medfield. Great small (and rich) New Englandy town. But it’s like 45-50 minutes, easy, from Boston. Never understood why athletes, who often trek to and fro the stadium at crazy hours, would want to live so far.

And on that note: Ryan Howard is selling his Blue Bell house and moving to 1706 Rittenhouse, where Cliff Lee and Jonathan Papelbon already live:

Howard’s moat and castle, in Florida, are nearing completion:

pic from May via reader DK

pic from May via reader DK

Dave Lozo of The Score absolutely torches Paul Holmgren in this article. It’s nothing I haven’t written on this site probably 10 times… but it’s nice to hear it from an outsider:

Of course, after Richards and Carter were traded, they were painted in the media as party guys with character issues who liked to drink booze (Hey Tyler Seguin does this sound familiar?) but oh look who won a Stanley Cup with the Kings in 2012.

You can’t use the fact Richards and Carter won Cups in Los Angeles against Holmgren, but you can blame him for believing that youngsters Brayden Schenn and Sean Couturier (the pick acquired in the Carter trade) could fill the gap left by Richards and Carter. The idea that 30-goal scorers are that easy to replace is silly, yet that’s what Holmgren believed he could do with Schenn, Simmonds and Voracek.

I know people make the argument that they’d do Carter for Voracek/Couturier again today, even outside of the context of the Richards deal and Bryzgalov signing, but that seems fueled mostly by Voracek’s very good 48-game season and not his decent ’11-12 season where he was a second-/third-liner. Personally, I’d rather have Carter, his $5.27 million cap hit for life and his 38 goals per 82 games since 2007-08 than Voracek and Couturier, who could be absolutely anything at this point and will combine for a $6 million cap hit starting in 2014-15.

The mismanagement continued. After spending the year backing up Bryzgalov, Bobrovsky was traded to the Blue Jackets for three draft picks. We all know how that worked out. James van Riemsdyk, who has a fair shot of being the third 30-goal scorer dealt by Holmgren, was sent to Toronto for Luke Schenn, who is unbelievably terrible and probably belongs in the AHL. While worrying about replacing the production of Richards and Carter and plugging a leak in net, Holmgren let his defense turn into a dumpster fire but hey Jaromir Jagr actually worked out real well before he walked in the offseason.

Yep.

The Onion: Marcus Vick Out For Sunday Shift at Sbarro.

H/T to reader Adam, (@KevinBors23), (@walshy311)

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10 Comments

  • Talbot's Fucking Penis October 11, 2013 at 10:10 am

    Your Marcus Vick link sends you to the Holmgren article. Finish that coffee first, kid.

    Reply
    • The Kid With No Arms October 11, 2013 at 10:14 am

      Lol

      Reply
    • Talbot's Fucking Penis October 11, 2013 at 10:15 am

      Works now…not sure what the problem was, so I’ll just blame your incompetence. Thanks for the Friday morning LoLz.

      Reply
  • The Kid With No Arms October 11, 2013 at 10:14 am

    With Howard moving in- there goes the neighborhood

    Reply
  • Vincent The Cavalier October 11, 2013 at 10:48 am

    That Thornton quote is fantastic.

    Reply
  • Catch a damned pass October 11, 2013 at 11:12 am

    I am dying at JT’s quote….over and over and over again!

    Reply
  • Davis October 11, 2013 at 11:15 am

    the fucking garage at 1706 is pretty awesome…does howard park his jazzy in there too:

    Reply
    • Slammin Gretkzy's Daughter October 11, 2013 at 12:33 pm

      Not sure, but I’d definitely park mine in his wife’s garage.

      Reply
  • Eat A Dick Schill October 11, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    Curt Schilling is going to kill himself and I am going to laugh lots

    Reply
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