Ranking Local Weatherperson Twitter Accounts

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STORMS. CURRENT CONDITIONS. ICING. SCHOOL CLOSINGS. MORE AT 11. IMMINENT DEATH.

Feel like you’re stuck in meteorologist and weatherperson Twitter hell? Good! Me too. After consecutive storms this week the inanity has reached record levels. From John Bolaris tweeting in ALL CAPS to Bill Henley being a fucking automaton, it’s all incredibly confusing. Who do you trust? Who’s overhyping? Who’s most accurate? Who’s trying to get laid by a hockey player? WHO’S TWEETING USELESS AUTOMATED UPDATES?

All that and more when we come back with your Twitter forecast.

It’s difficult to actually rank the accounts, since some are just so damn similar and or irrirtating. I find that it’s best to categorize them, from least annoying (dare I say best) to most annoying and Bill Henley. Let’s head over to the Big Board!

 

WE ARE PROVIDING YOU WITH USEFUL AND ULTIMATELY ACCURATE WEATHER FORECASTS, SOMETIMES IN ALL CAPS

These are the best. The creme de la creme. If you want to follow the bare minimum of local weather accounts, these are the two to follow.

Gary Szatkowski

Gary is where the weather people get their weather. He works for the National Weather Service in Mount Holly, New Jersey and brings you nothing but accurate, up-to-date forecasts… the same ones that you’ll see on the news in three hours. His job isn’t to get ratings, it’s to get it right. There’s some jargon thrown around, and he can sometimes fire out the reasonable worst case scenario with too much glee, but he’s very, very good. I first discovered Gary before Hurricane Sandy, when he was responsible for this warning in the NWS briefing packet (he Tweets those too!):

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Honestly, if you follow Gary, you don’t need to watch the news for storm-related weather. Watch for daily temperatures and such. But he’s got you covered on the big stuff.

John Bolaris

J-Bo gets a bad rap, but the dude fucking loves weather. Just listen to him talk about it on our podcast. He loves weather. He throws around a lot of jargon, often Tweets in ALL CAPS for no apparent reason, misspells things, retweets himself because of a Twitter account quirk that has led him to contact a lawyer (really), and can have a breakdown from time-to-time. But. But, no longer tethered to the local news weather machine and in the process of launching his own service, J-Bo is all about giving you hard, raw weather. His Philly.com reports are insanely detailed and he live chats at, like, 5 a.m. I called him to set up our podcast interview a few months ago, and he said he had to call me back because he was just concluding a marathon weather chat. He’s dedicated to the craft and looks at the models like you look at porn– with both the same frequency and passion.

 

I really love weather and will bring you its geekery but I’m still required to tease our broadcast and bring you pictures of snow

Kate Bilo

18Z GFS. Mmm. Talk dirty to me. Honestly, I have no idea what that means. But it sounds like she knows what she’s talking about when she brings you friendly and useful forecasts.

[UPDATE] Katie Fehlinger

When I initially posted this, on Friday afternoon, I had Katie way down the list. I was wrong. I’ve reconsidered. I had based my opinion of Katie’s Twitter largely on its ice storm coverage, of which there was not much. But after hearing feedback about how I was wrong and digging further back, I discovered she’s more Bilo than anything. She’s good.

 

I’m a fine wine

Cecily Tynan

A special category reserved for Cecily Tynan. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s a local celebrity or because she truly knows her stuff, but when she talks, Tweets or scampers across the screen, I listen. She’s the one who causes your mom to call you and say, “Be careful. Cecily said________.” You automatically know who she’s talking about. And from the Tweet you see here to morongate, she’s not afraid to show a little sass.

Also, my uncle would leave my aunt for her.

 

I’m more interested in the human interest side of the weather

Adam Joseph

AND THAT’S COOL, ADAM. We like that stuff. Solid all-around. Not extraordinary in bringing you any sort of service, but worth following, at least during a storm. And the holiday scarves.

 

I bring you the weather but let’s be honest here– it’s more about being a celebrity

Sheena Parveen

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AND THAT’S OK, SHEENA. I am legitimately disappointed when CSN throws it to NBC for the weather forecast and it’s not you. I’m not sure it’s weather I’m looking for… but just keep doing you.

 

I don’t put out a lot of hard info but I’ll respond to your inquiries respectfully when I’m not tweeting pictures of the temperature 

David Murphy

David Murphy seems like a good dude and he’ll respond to seemingly anyone. Ask him a question, he’ll get you a personalized answer. Just don’t look for hardcore weather reports. He’s more like a weather oracle. Go ahead, ask him something!

 

I know my shit BUT ALL I DO IS TEASE OUR BROADCASTS

Hurricane Schwartz

Come on, Hurricane. Twitter is not a medium for before-the-break teases. Perform a service for us– we’ll tune it later because we like you. [For instance, if Gary Szatkowski had a streaming weather channel, I’d watch it like it was fucking Saved By The Bell and I was 10.]

 

I’m not sure I know my shit BUT ALL I DO IS TWEET PICTURES OF THE MONITOR

Kathy Orr


For years, Angelo Cataldi convinced me that Kathy Orr was a great weatherperson. I’ve tried. Can’t do it. A company-line tweeter. Boring.

 

Our show is more about entertainment


Sue’s entertaining and an important part of the FOX Good Day. But she’s not tweeting you any weather models.

 

I like doing FYI more than weather forecasts

Melissa Magee

Sorry, Liss. You’re good at that stuff. But I’m not following you for the GFS. I got Bilo and Bolaris for that.

 

GOOD LUCK OUT THERE!

Caitlin Roth

 

I didn’t bring you one actual forecast during the ice storm and or I just retweet things

Carol Erickson

 

And the worst weatherperson Twitter account in Philadelphia:

I just Tweet the time and temperature, like TD Bank

Bill Henley

I’m sorry, but fucking look at this:

Voila_Capture1164Hey, Bill, IT’S 2014. WE CAN GET THIS INFORMATION LITERALLY FUCKING ANYWHERE. I’LL ASK SIRI. CHECK MY DASHBOARD. FIRE UP ANY WEATHER APP EVER. CALL MY MOM. LOOK OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW AND FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was as the ice storm of power outages and death was moving in the other day:

Is this fucking automated? Seriously. Is this automated? I don’t get it. Who told you this was a good idea? Did someone tell you this was a bad idea? IT’S A BAD IDEA. Thanks for nothing, Bill. Current conditions. Current conditions. CURRENT CONDITIONS: FUCKING ICE! Unfollowed.

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40 Responses

  1. Sheena Praveen has the best breasts and is probably the best in the sack. But I think Shirleen Allicot is the total package with the face, ass and breasts.

  2. @Phillywx. I repeat – Phillywx. Phillywx. Facebook and Twitter. I am not affiliated. Along with Gary, the best no hype weather. Period. Don’t even mention the idiots on tv. And Bolaris? He said right before the ice storm it was no big deal. Huh? Right again. Please. A reason he can’t hold a job.

    Phillywx. Phillywx.

          1. i know! This radio wizard has been posting on this site for over a year, and still Kyle refuses to acknowledge my existence!

  3. Well because I’m a chick into …. figure that word out… I have to say that I’m not into this whole ladies are needed to report the weather. Come on!! Where is OUR eye candy? I guess we really don’t rate enough for that!!

    However, the most tasteful out of those on twitter are Cecily and Sue. I follow Adam, YoMurp!, and Caitlin as well. I would rather see that someone’s personality because then I’m able to understand the personality of the day or if they are truly off their game.

    1. Your damn right nobody cares about what women think. Because the advertisers are wise enough to realize that the men are the ones bringing home the bacon, and women are the ones who are sitting around the house all day doing nothing of importance until its time to cook dinner. Speaking of, why aren’t you in the kitchen cooking right now >:(

  4. You should Follow @severeNJwx He’s an amateur Meteorlogist who works for the defense department full time but loves to forecast weather in his spare time…He’s been ON POINT All winter long…And he was forecasting Sandy like 5 days out before any of the news channels even starting talking about it.

    He’s the only person I Listen to when it comes to weather in NJ.

  5. “J-Bo gets a bad rap,”

    Yea, it’s almost like he once shut down the entire city for a day and a half with a complete bullshit prediction of a massive winter storm. Or like he once got drugged and scammed by Russian prostitutes TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW!

    1. In all fairness it wasn’t J-Bo that predicted the “Storm of the Century”. He NEVER said it. It was the promo dept that ran the promos that said “Storm of the Century”. Bo just happened to have the bad luck of being the weather guy, and his weathercast, they were promoting.
      I also hear he is personally responsible for the warm weather in Sochi. “Fuck you Russian Prostitutes and your Ruskie Mafia! You want the Olympics? I’ll destroy your country’s image with warm weather. You’ll be wishing I was Ronnie Reagan when this is all said and done!”

  6. This post was actually pretty damn funny.

    As far as weather goes in Philly its: Cecily then Sheena and only those two. Wait..Kacie McDonnell doesn’t do weather? It’s pretty much like she does.

    But honestly. Cecily and Sheena are light years ahead of the rest. There is nothing I want more than a night out with Sheena.

  7. David Murphy makes me want to slam my face down onto a dull pencil. He’s like that kid in grade school that wants you to be impressed by all his little factoids. Chris Sowers gives you no nonsense stuff though. And did you ever notice that Cecily and Murphys weather forecasts are always different by a few degrees, even when they’re only on an hour apart?

  8. All local news/weather/sports talking heads are ridiculous tools. They’re only interested in hype and ratings.

    (I mean really, why must the weather dorks always broadcast OUTSIDE during heavy rain or snow? We already KNOW it’s raining/snowing, because our houses have these things called WINDOWS!)

    .

    1. Mr. Gargano, bo, if you were to share a hotel room with Spags on a scouting trip, and the both of you had a few too many beers at the hotel bar, what would happen next? And don’t you dare tell me nothing, because that would be a lie, and lying is the a violation bo.

  9. @phillywx and @garyszatkowski are the only ones worth following in this market. Doesn’t come close.

    We’re like the 4th largest TV market in the country and the only two who are to follow are some guy at the Weather Service and someone who ran a weather blog for 8 years before going to Facebook, it shows how depressing local television weather is in this market.

    Why can’t we have guys like Skilling, James Spann, or even a corpse of Jim O’Brien back doing weather. Jesus, it’s depressing….

  10. Sheena has taken on the entire the Flyers hockey team in alphabetical order. Currently she is up to Giroux.

  11. Hey Lazy-ass Henley: Who gives a shit about the Northeast Philadelphia airport? If you’re going to give temperature only, at least move around the Delaware Valley, so people will think you;re doing something to earn your paycheck!

    (I agree about Kathy Orr. She has Angelo wrapped around her little finger.)

    .

  12. TELL U WHAT! CECILY TYNAN’S LOOKS AREN’T WORTH DEALING WITH HER FIRST-CLASS BITCHINESS BAGGAGE!

    LET’S TALK ABOUT IIIIIIT!

    .

  13. I can’t even stand to listen to Parveen. I have to keep the TV on mute and just watch. She sounds like one continuous, fucking run-on sentence all the way through the weathercasts. I don’t think she breathes the entire time she’s talking. That would suggest she could really suck a mean cock, though.

  14. Follow Gary already, really knows his stuff, but whoa you totally missed Steve DiMartino @nynjpaweather. He has basically nailed every storm this year and spends time educating folks through twitter and on his web site. He has free stuff and membership level info depending on what you want. He even goes live for members during storms and if they are really bad goes live for all.

  15. I follow @theWeatherboy on Twitter and Facebook. I first discovered him on Q102 and also liked the weather questions he answers between songs on 94.5PST. Beyond the weather he shares interesting things like when rocket launches are visible from town or stuff on solar flares. He was the first to say how hurricane Sandy would hit and with the exception of that freak storm in December where we got clobbered, he has been on target all the time. I gave up on the local TV channels a long time ago.

  16. Someone please tell Kacie McDonnell to tuck in her bra straps! Drooping bra straps is not a good look, especially if you are on television. And yeah I get that she’s a sex pot and eye candy for the guys (it’s suppose to be about “traffic”, yeah right), it’s still not a professional look. Don’t they have wardrobe people at Fox that are suppose to check things like that??? Well really all it takes is looking in a mirror.

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