The Second Annual Philly Sports Roast Will Take Shots at Enemies Lenny Dykstra and Mitch Williams

Last year’s Philly Sports Roast was a classy affair (or something like that) at the Crystal Tea Room where Joe Conklin, cohorts and Kevin Matuszak roasted Terrell Owens. This year’s second edition of the roast is decidedly more down and dirty, as Conklin, Al Morganti, Joe Matarese, Rhea Hughes, Leslie Gudel, Stu Bykofsky, Big Daddy Graham, and more will roast mortal enemies Mitch Williams and Lenny Dykstra at the Electric Factory. Williams doesn’t like Dykstra, Dykstra doesn’t like Williams, and they’ll both get the chance to take digs at each other.

Tickets are available now, and we’d like to put a prop bet on which will be mentioned more: steroids or Joe Carter. We’ll take steroids.

[Editor’s note: Someone’s got to work in an Alex Jones joke, right?]

24 Responses

  1. Let’s all join hands my children and pray….

    Pray these two beat each other to death that very night.

  2. Interesting take or throwing shit at the wall?

    CBS Sports has an article about how the Moncada signing gives the Red Sox a surplus of IF prospects for which they can acquire Hamels now. Seems to be more shit throwing but one would hope it is in fact true.

    Realistically, its a smart move for the future as Pedroia ages and regresses (See Utley). You can also assume that Ortiz will retire in a season or 2, which could shift Sandoval to 1st and open up 3rd for Xander/Moncada/Betts.

    Anyway. F U Rube. $60 mil ($30 and $30 penalty) should have been in the Phillies price range regardless.

    1. noticeably absent from the dais as of now and still not friends on Facebook. It would seem the BBFs4Eva have gone their separate ways. Let the speculation….BEGIN.

      1. Haven’t seen them 2 together in a while or with that friend with the obnoxious fake tits who fucks black guys

      2. I have it on good authority that Susie tried to make a move on julie. And the matter wasn’t feeling it. Put a major strain on the friendship. Susie wanted that slit all over her face.

  3. poor dutch for having been awkwardly placed between two assholes vying for the prize of the world’s biggest asshole.

  4. Will The Two Philly Guys be there? I go to all their events, but Conklin and Big Daddy take their place.

  5. Lenny Dykstra would have beat the balls off of Mitch Williams back in the day

  6. Aww man! That sounds great! Count me in!

    I have always said that I find Joe Conklin to be the funniest man in the city, no state! Funniest man in the state of Pennsylvania. But I can only imagine how much funnier his jokes will be when they are read by comedic geniuses like , Joe Matarese, Man Face, Leslie Gudel, and Stu Bykofsky,

  7. Just hold on a minute. Dykstra is my bud and I gave him air time. Cant believe he ditched me for money.

  8. Will anyone have the guts to make a joke about Leslie Gudel’s baby death traps? It is a roast…

  9. Battle of the Epic Douchebags.

    Lenny Dykstra is pretty much Gary Busey without the charisma.

    I used to like Mitch Williams, but he’s lost some of his luster since he apparently decided that the best way to instill a love of the game in Little Leaguers is to humiliate them and teach them how to deliberately plunk batters.

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