Rasul Douglas was all of us last night after watching a… FIVE TO NOTHING PRESEASON GAME.

We had ideas on what to watch for, but in the end it turned out to be complete crap. The first-team offense was incredibly awful, with four turnovers in the first half and a safety. With most of their offensive line, Super Bowl MVP, and a couple of pass catching starters. Awful. It was that awful that head coach Doug Pederson was pissed at halftime. But the first-team defense was once again solid, proving the Eagles have a chance to win at least one game this season.

Guys that sucked including Foles and the offense were Matt Jones (get him off the damn roster today), Big V, and Jalen Mills. But Wendell Smallwood, Sidney Jones, and DeAndre Carter made very good impressions. That’s a very good thing for Smallwood and Carter, who are battling for roster spots.

Even worse, the team was stuck in Cleveland for hours after the loss:

Although he didn’t play, Carson Wentz looks pretty, pretty, pretty good:

We’re in good hands. The final preseason game is next Thursday against the Jets. We’ve almost made it.

The Roundup:

It wasn’t a bad Philly sports day, for once. Aaron Nola out-dueled Max Scherzer for his 15th win of the season in a 2-0 Phils triumph. The righty pitched eight wonder innings and gave up only five hits with nine strikeouts. 70 of his 102 total pitches were strikes.

He’s definitely a Cy Young candidate, and manager Gabe Kapler thinks he should win the whole dang thing.

“It’s tough to account for three pitches and I think part of that is why Aaron Nola in my opinion is the Cy Young this year,” Kapler said. “Of course, Nola is our guy. But. I watch him every time out there and just the dependability, the consistency, the creativity, the numbers. The numbers speak for themselves. I think today was an example of how he beat Max Scherzer.”

Odubel Herrera broke the scoreless tie in the seventh with a two-run dinger:

This came after Justin Bour and Edubray Ramos were placed on the 10-day DL. Andrew Knapp is back for now and could be up as September call-ups flow through.

Up next is a three-game series in Toronto against the Blue Jays for Players’ Weekend. Jake Arrieta starts tonight’s game, with first pitch at 7:07 PM on NBC Sports Philadelphia.

Down on the farm, the IronPigs sold out of their Philly Special hats.

JJ Redick discussed the rise of the Sixers and everything about Bryan Colangelo in his appearance on Pardon My Take.

The Sixers also officially released their preseason schedule.

Listen to the latest episode of Snow the Goalie, featuring Sean Couturier’s injury and possible Erik Karlsson trade packages.

One guy called into Mike Missanelli’s show pretending to be a Philadelphia Union employee.

In other sports news, proposed new NBA rules could result in a 14-second shot clock on offensive rebounds and more.

The Giants and Odell Beckham Jr. might be close to a really big deal and could be done before Week 1.

SugarHouse launched their Sportsbook yesterday for New Jersey.

CBS and Fox released their NFL broadcast teams.

Chad Johnson has some financial advice for you.

In the news, a former Playboy model was strangled in an Ardmore apartment.

Hurricane Lane is pummeling Hawaii.

Don’t eat salads from McDonald’s.