Presenting “Shit Malik Says” (#shitmaliksays)

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The biggest change for the Sixers thus far, at least the one with the most immediate impact, has very little to do with the new ownership group. While team itself remains largely unchanged (save for the jettisoning of Mo Speights, who seemed like a genuine jackass), everything surrounding the action on the hardwood is different. Adam Aron is determined to have intercourse with all five of your senses. He brought in an anthemist from American Idol, a lighting team from Broadway, a PA announcer from AARP, and outsourced mascot design to Jim Henson’s Creature Shop, which is based out of New York and Los Angeles*. 

None of that has excited anyone, yet. It’s all window dressing to support what could become (already is?) a great product. But the one change that has made an impact is the addition of Malik Rose to the broadcast team. Rose, who replaces Eric Snow’s pillow, brings his inner “Negrodamus” to spice things up between Marc Zumoff’s damp boxer shorts (yessss, ohhhhh yesssss) and Dei Lynam’s much sexier action figure, Meredith Marakovits… and we couldn’t be happier (with Rose, that is).

*Hearing that the delay in unveiling a new mascot – announcement could come anytime between February and next season – is because the Sixers realized their mistake and may be heading back to the drawing board. Steve Jobs once said that you need to press the “rewind” button every once in a while to get things right. We’d recommend heeding that advice in this case.

Admittedly, I was doing other things while watching most of the Sixers’ five-game road trip, and wasn’t in a place to hear a television during this weekend’s games. But last night I dug in to the broadcast, an action I would imagine Malik describing as move over, couch potato, Kyle’s taking over this sofa, and he’s hot. Hot potato! Baked, with bacon, cheese and chives.

Or something like that.

Anyway, Rose is awesome. So awesome, in fact, that at one point last night Zumoff was forced to apologize to custodians everywhere, because Rose kept referring to Thad Young as The Custodian, cleaning up the glass.

Other highlights, most courtesy of our new hashtag, #shitmaliksays, which was inspired by a Tweet from reader (@zacharydt):

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Screen Shot 2012-01-10 at 9.58.37 AM
Screen Shot 2012-01-10 at 9.58.37 AM
Screen Shot 2012-01-10 at 9.58.37 AM

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Screen Shot 2012-01-10 at 9.58.37 AM 

Fantastic!

With that, we introduce #shitmaliksays, your Twitter hashtag for chronicling the best of Malik Rose. We’ll frequently feature the standouts here on CB, but you can always follow along during Sixers broadcasts on CSN. So, dial in, like a phone bank!

[Related: Highlights from the first night of #shitmaliksays]

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23 Responses

  1. Plus as far as I can tell he hasn’t even fallen asleep during a broadcast once yet.
    The most disappointing thing for me so far has been Tom Lamaine as the PA announcer, he’s just bland and generic and brings nothing to the table. Granted, Matt Cord had gone way too far in the other direction and had become a cartoon of himself in recent years but there has to be a happy middle ground somewhere.

  2. Deezy- can’t agree more. Apparently there is already a petition to either have Cord come back or bring someone else in. Lamaine is just lacking any form of excitement and it honestly kills the vibe. I almost fell asleep during the pregame introductions on Saturday. I don’t necessarily need to hear ANDRE IGUODALA-DALA-DALA but I would like someone who at least raises their voice.

  3. For the fans in here who think they’re cool because they make it known they dont care basketball is back… Then scram you maggots… Let the fans who see that we potentially special here talk about it without having to read your opinion no one gives a shit about anyway!

  4. Tom Lamane works – no bullshit drawn out names. Announce the players and let’s get this started is Tom’s motto. Gimme a break with all those stupid friggin sound effects Cord would use. Wayyyy over the top and it was just obnoxious. I’m a fan of the old motherfucker.

  5. The same douchebags sitting here yawning about the NBA will be the same DOUCHEBAGS racing to buy all their sixers gear in a couple years when this team is in the finals. Fucking bandwagon douches, talk all the shit you want now. Its FUN watching this team, its FUN going to games. If you want to be a hater go fucking hate somewhere else, hate to tell you the sixers ARE fun again!!

  6. When/if someone finds the petition about Tom Lamaine let me know. I love watching this team play but when you’re at the stadium he just kills the excitement.
    I think Malik is the best announcer we’ve had since the mayor.

  7. Everyone is spot on, especially Jeff. This town likes winners, and the Sixers will be that soon with youth and under the mind of teach me how to dougie collins. Once they get good, everyone will be back. Do you really get anything by saying the nba sucks? Cool. On a side note I miss Matt Cord. I like that the pregame is more traditional, but I liked Iguodala, dala, dala. Lets go Sixers!

  8. If you really want to boost attendance just fire the PA announcer and hook Malik’s mic up so the crowd can hear him. You can’t buy tickets to a game, you might miss some #shitmaliksays

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